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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Had very upsetting experience at nursery today - support/reassurance needed

37 replies

onepieceoflollipop · 03/09/2008 20:44

I have used the same nursery for almost 4 years, and have been extremely happy and confident with the care provided. dd1 is about to start school and dd2 has been there for 3 months now. Generally the staff are very affectionate and the management approachable. I have never made a complaint about anything; in fact have been very happy with the nursery.

This morning I had a very distressing experience. I took dd2 in (13 months) as usual. There is a new member of staff (T) who last week looked quite irritable and unhappy but last week I kind of thought that she was new and just settling in.

This morning we arrived and a baby - approx 1 year was crying at the gate. T was feeding a baby in very disinterested manner, scowling and generally looking p*d off. She muttered quite aggressively (imo) at the baby to move - the baby afaik is too young to walk or indeed to understand her instruction.

What really distressed me was another new baby, just toddling. He was very distressed, crying, she was supposed to be looking after him but twice lifted him very roughly and angrily by the arm. Trying to "make" him stay on the mats and play. He was so upset and I was shaking with anger and distress. I was also very that she was doing this so openly in front of me.

I immediately alerted the Senior in the room - she is lovely btw - and told her I didn't want to leave dd2 as I felt so distressed. She told me she would inform the manager immediately. (which she did). I also spoke to the manager (and later the owner).

They have moved this person from the baby unit. I asked for reassurance that she will not be left unsupervised with children and that they monitor her further - they have assured me that this will happen. They spent a lot of time with me this morning and again at pick up time to reassure me it was being dealt with. I got the impression that they are treating it very seriously. All of the other staff (most of whom I know well) have been lovely to me - I suspect that some know "officially" and others through the grapevine what has happened.

I haven't posted in AIBU because I feel too fragile but I guess that is what I am asking?

OP posts:

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ForeverOptimistic · 03/09/2008 20:47

YANBU. I am pleased that the nursery are taking your concerns seriously. I shouldn't imagine they will keep the new assistant on for much longer.

malfoy · 03/09/2008 20:47

No, you are not being unreasonable and you did the right thing.

K999 · 03/09/2008 20:47

that sounds awful!! poor you - I would have been really upset too......

ChukkyPig · 03/09/2008 20:48

My DD nowhere near nursery age but this sounds awful and I would be in a state if I thought DD had been treated like this.

You did the right thing complaining as far as I'm concerned.

KezzaG · 03/09/2008 20:48

YANBU at all, well done for saying something, and its good the nursery have taken it seriously.

Saturn74 · 03/09/2008 20:48

What a horrible thing to see.
I'd write a letter to the manager and owner, just to confirm what you reported, and the fact that they have committed not to leave her unsupervised with the children.
Best to have it on record.

Saturn74 · 03/09/2008 20:49

Oh, and good for you for ensuring the situation was dealt with properly.

PuppyMonkey · 03/09/2008 20:49

Good for you. Doubt if she'll last much longer anyway...

Janni · 03/09/2008 20:50

Good for you. You did a good thing for those babies and their parents. If she cannot control her own stuff, she shouldn't be working babies and toddlers, end of story.

scotlass · 03/09/2008 20:51

if I was those other babies mum I would be so grateful someone had alerted the other staff and the situation got dealt with so promptly. YA def NBU

megcleary · 03/09/2008 20:51

YANBU you did the right thing, at my dd nursey there was a new person i didn't recognise who spoke sharply to a toddler just a few words i was taken aback and am keeping an eye out for her if she is in dd room again but that was a few weeks ago and no sign of her since

well done you

Original poster

onepieceoflollipop · 03/09/2008 20:52

Thanks for the replies.

The owner said to me that as far as she is concerned I am always so very supportive of the nursery - I think the fact that they know I never complained really made it clear there was a big issue.

When I asked the Senior in the room to speak with her, one of the other staff seemed to be giving me "encouraging looks" as if to reinforce that I was not imagining it and I was doing the right thing.

I said to dh that I suspected that they may have been waiting for a parent to say something. The staff are generally all lovely, and on the odd occasion that they have had bad staff they have never lasted long.

OP posts:

Waswondering · 03/09/2008 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

onepieceoflollipop · 03/09/2008 20:54

I also told them that if it had been my friend's baby (who is also in that room but not today) I would have taken my mobile out straightaway and rang my friend to get down to the nursery.

My heart went out to that little boy who she neglected and handled so roughly. I said to the owner that I felt that it bordered on assault.

OP posts:

bythepowerofgreyskull · 03/09/2008 20:56

It is so good that you said something. those poor children
I hope they keep this girl under close supervision and then perhaps guide her that work in childcare is not for her.

sounds like they handled your complaint well.

there are too many parents who would have seen this stuff and not said anything.

Original poster

onepieceoflollipop · 03/09/2008 21:00

The manager was fairly diplomatic in what she told me.

The owner however voiced her opinion that they were wondering if T was suited to childcare...I expressed that ime (I am a nurse) that unfortunately some healthcare and childcare settings do occasionally attract the odd unsuitable person.

The owner expressed her concern that it was only last week that T started the job and it was worrying that she seemed to find it so difficult.

She was genuinely upset for what had happened, and added that it takes years to build up a nursery, but moments to ruin it all...

OP posts:

Waswondering · 03/09/2008 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dinny · 03/09/2008 21:11

am amazed the manager/owner have let her be around children if they find her unsuitable - I think her behaviour warrants is sackable

EssieW · 03/09/2008 21:13

you definitely did the right thing

I know the nursery that DS goes would want parents to voice concerns.

Original poster

onepieceoflollipop · 03/09/2008 21:14

dinny I did say to her that in my line of work (imo) what she did could have meant instant dismissal.

At the moment I get the impression that they are still considering their options.

I felt so crap that I had reported it, but I know it was the right thing to do, I just kept thinking that if that child had been mine I would have deserved to know.

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dinny · 03/09/2008 21:17

Gosh, you did TOTALLY the right think

she did that in a nursery setting with people around her? imagine what she'd do on her own... scary

Original poster

onepieceoflollipop · 03/09/2008 21:20

dinny I specifically mentioned to the manager and owner that part of my concern is that in the baby room and with the younger children, staff are at time on their own with the younger ones (nappy changing, putting in cots etc)

I did leave dd2 there today, as I trust the Senior and she promised me that she would personally ensure that my dd would be fine (as she always is) and this person would not be looking after her.

All of the other staff involved were particularly reassuring and kind today, almost like they kind of knew that I was in the right and things needed to be said.

OP posts:

MrsAlwaysRight · 04/09/2008 19:56

You definately did the right thing. I am not suprised you were so upset after seeing someone acting in this manner and blatently thinking it was acceptable as she was happy to do it in front of a parent

Original poster

onepieceoflollipop · 04/09/2008 20:00

Small update.

The Senior of the room approached me today and reassured me again that she was straight up to the office as soon as I left yesterday. She told me today that she had been in tears herself and said to the manager that she felt like leaving as there is no way that she could be working with the woman in question.(who has now been removed)

The atmosphere in the room today was lovely, light and cheerful and relaxed, yesterday and last week it was awful.

Thanks everyone for your advice yesterday.

OP posts:

bythepowerofgreyskull · 04/09/2008 22:58

good to hear how seriously they have taken it, and that you can settle back into it being a lovely environment for your littleone

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