Am I being annoying and problematic?

[annon2367]

Is it normal for nurseries to update the app later in the day rather than as things happen or closer after the time
My DD is 14 months old, and ever since there was an incident where she wasn’t fed lunch after waking from a nap (the nursery acknowledged it was unacceptable), I’ve felt quite anxious about not knowing if she’s eaten.
They often update naps and snacks, but lunch isn’t logged until much later, sometimes after 2pm. By then my lunch break is over, and if I’m working from home I’ve missed the chance to collect her and feed her myself if she’s slept through lunch.
I’ve only called twice in the months she’s been there, but I worry they’re getting annoyed with me asking. They say they update the app while the children are sleeping, but I find it strange that naps and snacks are updated before lunch which is an important meal
Am I being unreasonable and annoying for expecting lunch to be updated earlier if lunch is at 11 and children are asleep by 12
Note- I really do like the staff especially her KW and management. She is thriving but I’m a first time mom and just very anxious

Yes it's unreasonable. No terrible harm will come to your DD if she does somehow miss a lunch again - why would you ever think you need to go and collect her early from nursery if she's slept through lunch?

Can they not agree to wake her before lunch so she doesn't sleep through it?

I just assume they've eaten at mealtimes, but I wouldn't worry if they slept through a meal as there are plenty of snacks and other meals crammed into a nursery day anyway

I didn't get updates till the end of the day. I wouldn't have expected that level of detail as it unfolded

It wouldn’t bother me at all. I always found the app updates unnecessary tbh. As long as they tell me promptly if there’s any issue (which they did) I didn’t need a real time commentary.

We never had updates when my kids were in childcare. Missing lunch will cause no harm. YABU

Surely they don't let her starve and feed when she wakes.

They can only prompt a child to wake up. If she’s really tired she’ll unlikely eat her lunch anyway. Which I understand.

OP, I think you are worrying overly about this. If we consider the worst case scenario of DD14months missing a meal, she will just eat more at the next one. As other PP have said, there will be snacks to eat.

If you are going to trust nursery with her care, I think you have to do that. Verifying her safety on an app in your lunch break doesn't seem ideal. Nursery staff's priority will hopefully be dealing with children not updating an app.

If you don't trust nursery with her care, might a child minder be an option? Whatever you find reassuring might be the best choice for DD. You feeling this worried doesn't sound ideal or sustainable.

Is it normal for nurseries to update the app later in the day rather than as things happen or closer after the time

If they are spending time updating apps for every child in their care as things happen, then there is less time to actually spend with the children. Which would you prefer - an updated app or an uncared for child?

So why do you need to know instantly if she missed it?

OP, you can’t carry on like this. Your anxiety is off the scale.

Yeah, you're being a bit ridiculous. But everyone has had a bit of the PFB's in their time (Precious First Borns). I think there is a thread in classics where everyone talked about all the mad things they did with their first child, this will be yours OP!

If they've forgotten once, they won't forget again. And even if they do...she'll eat a bit more at snack time, she won't starve to death!

I understand your concern in the circumstances but I wouldn't expect updates throughout the day as they are busy with the children

If you really need to then call but if you really don't trust them to feed your child perhaps you should find another nursery

I’d rather they were watching the kids than updating apps personally. But I’d also expect them to make sure my child is fed. I would be sad about this too but it seems to have become a real anxiety for you and you probably need to get to the bottom of what you’re so worried about here.
What happened when she missed lunch? What are you worried will happen again? Was she really upset and left to be hungry? Or did she just get offered a snack when she woke up and she was fine?
or is it that you don’t really trust them? Or you hate her being in nursery and this is a sense of control over that to make it better / an excuse to bring her home? I don’t know, but I think if I was so anxious about the app id think about why that was or I’d look for other childcare arrangements

At my nursery they didn’t update throughout the day. They uploaded a basic log at the very end of the day.

If you like the nursery and staff I think you have to trust that they are looking after her.

Isn’t it such a shame and so frustrating that they can’t do both, and these threads are always posters (myself included) saying I’d rather they look after dc
I always think it would be better if they didn’t mislead nervous parents into thinking they’ll do app updates when we all know that really they won’t do it properly, it makes it more stressful for everyone involved! Or ofc in an ideal world they wouldn’t be so understaffed!

Yeah, absolutely unreasonable. Ours was often done at 5:30 when most of the kids started to go home, even though we'd picked up at 3. When the kids turn 3, our nursery stops using the apps much at all - you get an occasional picture but no meal or sleep updates.

OFSTED have actually tightened guidance over app usage in recent years, and I expect they will again.

She had breakfast at 7am. The next time she ate was 3:30 there is no snacks in between. That’s 8 hours without food

@annon2367 if you genuinely believe that the nursery will leave children for 8 hours without food, deliberately, then withdraw your DD from the nursery and find somewhere that you trust and that provides food more regularly.

Would you prefer a nursery where staff are interacting with children or one where they are spending their time pissing about on an app updating every little thing?

OP kindly please don't be that parent

Yes YABU and very precious. If she skips a nap she will have more at snack time or dinner time. There are more than enough eating opportunities at nursery that a skipped meal won't matter. We also forget that toddlers don't eat like us, we have to look at whole calories for the week rather than the day. Sometimes they have a day where they eat very little, the next you cannot fill them.

Regarding the updates. It's likely that your nursery releases a staff for "admin" - (when apps get updated) for a short period before lunch, hence why you get the updates. Then it's lunch time (for both children and staff) and nap time. Often staff lunch is staggered so it stretches over nap time. This means lunchtime/ nap time is shorter staffed so no time for updates. Again later in the day a member of staff may get released for "admin" to update apps which is when the next phase of updates comes through. Then during pick up it's busy again until numbers fall close to closing time and again there may be another "admin" slot for updating.

A nursery I worked at years ago used to employ a lunchtime cover staff 11-2, she did 15 hours a week just lunchtimes to fit in with school drop off and pick up. They would cover an admin slot at 11-11.30 then staff lunches 12-1.30 and then another admin slot 1.30-2.

You can't carry on like this. You'll have a breakdown

You trust them to look after her or you don't. Thats a decision you need to make.

It's doubtful she will again, but it won't hurt her to miss lunch & I very much doubt they didn't have snacks/drinks. .

We never had app updates like this - my friend had one for every nappy change and snack and I remember thinking how totally OTT it was. We just had (still do as DD2 is still at nursery) a verbal handover at collection which was fine. If she sleeps through lunch and wakes up and is happy then she can just have snack time as planned. They can't serve lunches at all different times of day to suit every kid's napping schedule. She's not going to waste away, if she wakes up and is hungry and upset then I'd imagine they will deal with it, but it's likely she wakes up and then just has a decent snack.

How did she go from 7am to 3.30pm though? Don't they do morning snack? Ours does breakfast for early arrivals, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and late snack - both of mine have barely eaten dinner on nursery days as they have so much food offered!