Awful lot of boys "rescuing" girls going on

[RoxaneBergerac]

When I my little one started nursery I was surprised how prominent the theme of 'boys saving girls' seems to be. I certainly remember a lot of princes saving princesses type games when I was a little girl but I assumed it was now culturally dodo-dead. Not even Disney movies have that sort of plot anymore, right?

I'm not so PC that I'm against kids enjoying gender-stereotypical things. Even before nursery my son's interests were rather stereotypically boyish (dinosaurs, countries/geography, Sonic Hedgehog). I'm not even bothered in abstract by a boys playing at rescuing girls from bad guys but again the prominence to which it is enforced(?) by nursery and parents is a bit overwhelming and bizarre:

• Circle time games about the boys beating a 'monster' to save the girls.
• Preschool play where the boys are princes who save the girls as princesses from a witch etc.
• Even had a mum tell me that my son is a strong little prince who could save her daughter if she got kidnapped by a Disney villain (isn't that a rather grim scenario to imagine? Why would you?)

I recognize the fairytales and such are of course typical childhood fare but I thought at least this kind of thing would be balanced by girls getting to save boys etc in this day and age? Both the boys and girls seem to enjoy the "rescuing" but just seems in a word, anachronistic

UK nurseries are not allowed to do this, there is a requirement to have a varied mix of sexes being the lead / strong characters, as well as very diverse people.

However there are plenty of things you can be showing and doing with your son at home to expose him to female role models, which tends to mean staying as far away from Disney as possible.

Dinos are not for boys
They are all mine

That sounds appalling and is very definitely not the vibe at my grandsons’ nursery. I’d want that addressed but i m very out of touch with how it works these days, so maybe it would be better to just offer the counter opinions at home.

The vast majority of rescue attempts for someone whose life is at risk are male bystanders.

Should we be trying to socialise this behaviour out of men? Or should be try to socialise more women to routinely risk their lives to help a complete stranger?

I never knew that countries/geography were considered a boy thing by anyone.

The reason the majority of rescue attempts are by men is surely not a result of "socalization" in abstract but of biology (men are, on average, significantly physically stronger than women and are thus more capable of rescuing e.g. a drowning person in most situations)

I fail to see how this applies to small children playing games of make-believe involving fairies and dragons

Strength is no better predictor of swimming ability for amateur swimmers than it is for walking ability.

The overall point is that even at a very young age, males have an instinct to protect women and children. Some might find this problematic, but I'd guess they might re-evaluate their view if their life is in danger and they need assistance, because it's probably going to come from a man.

I'd say dinosaurs, geography and Sonic the Hedgehog are all very gender neutral interests at that age! Not boyish at all.

Is that first para true? I can understand a ‘best practice’ but a requirement feels like a massive state overreach to me.

This didn't happen at my child's nursery (fairly recently moved to school)

The OP doesn't mind that most rescues are carried out by men.

She does mind that nursery workers are deliberately setting up games focused on the theme of little boys pretending to be rescuing little girls from monsters.

We could say the games are just a bit of fun... in which case it doesn't need to be reflective of real-world context at all, and it would be nice for girls not to be excluded from the fun of the rescuer / monster-battling role! By this metric the games sound poorly designed.

Alternatively we could approach the games as attempts at socialisation and education. In that case I would argue that the theme of 'rescuing from monsters' is surely more metaphorical than literal for young kids! It is speaking to values like standing up for others; caring about other people's distress and wanting to act on it; being inventive and using your skills to overcome an obstacle. I would argue that boys and girls are in equal need of learning about those things and relating to them.

And by the way, if we want kids' roles in games to have to reflect social reality, and we decide that we want to focus only on messages about literal fighting and rescuing... well that presumably forces little boys to play most of the monsters as well as most of the rescuers whilst the girls get to do little of either. Sounds delightful.

Does that mean we teach girls that they can't save themselves or anyone else, though?

That's the reason nurseries and schools have to have a range of people being the strong, main character. So that no-one thinks they CAN'T do the saving, or that they have to wait for a man to come along and save them.

Boys will still learn that they can and should be strong and help people. Girls will just learn that they can too.

In circle games both sexes should be picked to be the farmer or the princess. But I think 3/4 is key fairytale age, my dc loved dressing up as superheroes and princesses

Yep. All things I liked as a kid, same for DH. And now DD. As well as princesses, fairies, unicorns, painting, animals, cars, Lego, superheroes etc...

Yes, Early years can loose Ofsted marks for not having a wide array of diversity in toys / books / games.

I think most recently this is under the "Inclusion" header. But it's been there for decades.

If your nursery is a registered childcare provider in the UK, send a friendly letter saying you would like to understand their approach. See what they say.

It's ok to care, it's ok to ask, it's ok to move providers if they're not in line with your family's values.

Completely normal for state registered providers to have requirements, happens across the world.

You could campaign for the requirements to be changed if you don't agree with the current set, but why would you not want requirements at all in educational/childcare settings?

So I’m a member at David Lloyd and the kids club frequently has a come dressed as a “superhero or princess “ day. Which annoys me. It should be superhero, princess or princess day. I’m sure they’d argue that the girls can be a superhero too, which they absolutely can. But there’s an underlying tone that they’ll probably be a princess. With there only being two choices it seems gendered. And of course for the boys there’s an expectation that they will be a superhero. I’ve never seen a boy turn up as a princess yet!

My dd (military) goes into schools, still girls are amazed she can do what she does! Socialisation has a lot to blame. I bought my girls cars and trains!

What a silly response.

The vast majority of people who commit violence are male but it doesn’t mean that young children should be exposed to these stereotypes.

Sounds worrying. I’d want to have a word with the nursery manager about that, OP.

There’s a curriculum for Early Years. You’re better off there being one.

I was a Nursery/Reception teacher for 30 years until I retired. I don't think there's actually a law against it but it's not good practice and not the way I was trained in the early 80s, quite the opposite. I am very surprised to hear of this kind of thing going on. Traditional fairy tales tend to have the prince as rescuer but even 40 years ago there were alternative stories with the female being the practical and I have never heard of nursery staff reinforcing the stereotypical play you describe. I would not be happy with this as a parent or a teacher.

Just out of interest @RoxaneBergerac how do you know this is happening?

Neither dinosaurs, nor countries/geography are "boyish" interests thank you very much.

Sexism starts at home.