Would you choose the better nursery or more convenient days?

[ProudSeal]

Baby has been offered a place at a local nursery with a really good reputation and which we loved when we viewed: lots of outdoor space, etc. The only issue is, they’ve offered us Monday, Tuesday, Friday which isn’t ideal.

Alternatively, there’s another nursery with a shorter waiting list that could accommodate three days a week on days of our choosing. It has little outdoor space and we didn’t get as good a vibe.

We want her in a good setting but also would prefer she did 3 consecutive days. What would you choose? Grateful for any insights

The nursery you like and ask to go on waiting list for preferred days.

Why would you prefer three consecutive days? Three consecutive days can make the weekend a very long gap for them and some children might struggle being dropped off on the first day of the week. I think most children have a phase when they are upset on drop off but little and often for days seems to help with that. If you have to do the 3 consecutive days for work, I’d go on the waiting list at your preferred nursery.

Why do you want three consecutive days unless you need it for work? We do three consecutive days out of necessity and our toddler is absolutely exhausted afterwards. Especially in the early days whilst they settle in, and especially if like mine, yours doesn't nap much. Id go for the good nursery and the days they can offer. Those days will also probably have fewer children which is a bonus for yours.

Better nursery! Your days might change Or the days they can offer might change too

Go with the one you like the best and get on a waitlist for the preferred days. If you don't need the consecutive days for work reasons then I wouldnt worry about it. My daughter does Tues, Thurs and Fri and works well for us.

Thanks everyone. Interesting to hear that non-consecutive days work well too. I just assumed consecutive days would help her settle into a routine.

They are also insisting she starts settling in at 10 months and joins at 11 months, whereas we wanted her to start at 13 months. She’s only two weeks old and I’m full of hormones, so I’m feeling so sad and like I want to quit work and stay home with her instead.

This I would also say lots of advatages to non consectutive days and fridays are always nice and quiet.

They shouldn’t be pushing you to start earlier than you are ready to. Stand firm on that

My DC does those days and it works fine. It’s actually nice. Definitely go with the nursery you preferred. I had similar in one nursery was so much nicer but more expensive. I’m so glad I went with the one I liked as I don’t think, looking back, that I’d have been as comfortable leaving them at the other nursery. However, there is no reason for baby to start earlier. Have they given a reason? Is it something along the lines of children settle better before they turn one?

Which of the nurseries is pushing specific starting age? I’ve never head of that, your baby starts when you want them to start - obviously you have to give some notice but it’s your decision. And we delayed our start date a couple of times with no issues .

Always the better nursery.

Thank you. Their reason is so that they can get all the illnesses that go round and strengthen their immune systems before we go back to work to minimise disruption, but I feel like it’s our decision to make and also that they will pick illnesses up throughout the year anyway.

Yes. But I think that non consecutive days is better anyway. Gives you a break.

Well they’re not wrong on that one, and the amount of germs picked up in the first few months any nursery is bonkers. That said, ten months instead of 13 months is a huge difference and I’d be a bit suspicious that it’s because they don’t want gaps. What start date are you aiming for? I’d be quite pushy on what you want and see what happens.
Also though, it is helpful to get DC settled and you into the nursery prep and drop off routine BEFORE you go back to work so you have breathing space to get yourself ready plus don’t have to do everything as once.

It's probably when the space is available. They don't want an empty spot for 2 months so you might get passed over for the next person.

I don't think consecutive vs non-consecutive days matters.

What's the difference in starting date? Is that just when the space becomes available and you either take it then or they give it to someone else?

It sounds like the less nice nursery is just less popular/busy so can be more accommodating.

Why suspicious? They are business not a favour. If they want the space filled from X month then they will fill it whether that's woth the OP or not. They sound popular (can't offer all the days OP wants) so they won't have much trouble finding someone who wants the space earlier.

Then they should be upfront with the OP and say this and not make out it’s due to settling in. Of course there’s nothing wrong with it. I just don’t like the pressure it adds to new parents.

It’s not about settling in - they have a space to fill.

I’d go for the better nursery if you have agree a start date that works for you. Your DC may be there for 3 years so definitely worth the better nursery if you can

I agree with this - it feels like unnecessary pressure and a waste of precious maternity leave. They do want every baby to start at 11 months so I don’t think it’s an availability thing.

The timing might also be about funding? OP, we also started our daughter at nursery at 13 months, but it meant covering 2 months of nursery fees without government help (due to the timings of her turning 1 and term times)

Perhaps the fees they have quoted only apply if you start at 11 months and then 14 months?

But the perosn saying it might not know? Room leads or staff arent often privy to the office / ratio running of the business.

It's not pressure anyway! Either take it, or don't!

I don't think you're questioning this enough tbh. People go back to work at all times, not just 12 months. I didn't need nursery until my child was nearly 15 months and I'm pleased I was able to delay it - it was preferable to when I sent my second child at 11 months. Building their immune system up in a month will have absolutely no scientific basis at all. I know MN thinks nurseries are germ pits but between the two of mine, they only had a handful of days off sick in all the nursery years. Also agree with pps that 3 consecutive days are very tiring and personally I'd be looking for the opposite of I could make it work with my working pattern.

Another who would go for the better nursery, it's so impossibly difficult to get anywhere these days that's a nursery that can accommodate whatever you fancy would actually make me raise an eyebrow to be honest, especially if I didn't get a good vibe!

The 11 month thing is a bit odd, but actually is similar to what I did with my first and I'm glad I did. Not even necessarily from a "getting all the illness" perspective as I don't think she got much in those early months to be honest, but it did completely upend our routine and I was grateful for the chance to readjust morning/bedtime routines and changes to sleep without having to factor in getting myself out the door for work too. Once we had found our feet I used some kit days at work to practice doing both which was far less stressful than jumping straight back in!

Is is also perhaps from a settling perspective? Mine both settled well, but my friends youngest (same nursery) really struggled and they had months of upset and days where they had to phone a grandparent to collect him because it was inhumane to keep him there so distresed. He really would have benefitted for a much longer, more graduated settling period, but both parents had gone back to work, and it caused huge amounts of pressure for them all. It might be something like that? From memory there's a big uptick in separation anxiety around 1 so maybe they like to get them in and settled before that.

If you really didn't want your little one to go until later, could you speak to them and ask if they would be open to you pushing starting back a month if you still paid for the spot? It might help you get a clearer understanding of what the rationale is and it might help you make your decision

I wouldn’t be happy with that, it’s not their place to decide when your baby starts nursery.
The days don’t matter but if they won’t compromise on starting date I’d pick the other nursery