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Male worker and nappy changes

62 replies

draft123 · 13/01/2026 09:17

In light of the recent criminal issue with the children being abused at the nursery by the male staff, what should I be asking my nursery about nappy changes? They are done in a big communal area accessed from both rooms. I don't think there is CCTV.

There is a male staff member. He's young and everyone else seems to like him.

OP posts:
ALittleDropOfRain · 07/02/2026 13:34

As the mother of a son, I‘m delighted when there are men in early years settings. Motivations vary, but two I know retrained after parental leave looking after their own children. Another 2, including a relative, did a voluntary gap year before studying (very common in Germany) and have both gone back to it between jobs. My son‘s main childminder in the childminder collective he went to between 1-3 was male and was fabulous.

Abuse is not just sexual and is not just by men. I was instrumental in getting a female Kindergarten teacher fired because I saw her scream at children and almost pull their arms out of their sockets. This was in the days following Covid, where parents weren’t allowed on the premises.

Start with 2 adults always with the children, a good whistleblowing scheme, sensitive training, and an atmosphere of trust and respect in the nursery.

Hiptothisjive · 07/02/2026 13:53

BunfightBetty · 13/01/2026 09:58

It's absolutely crazy to worry more about looking sexist than protecting your child from abuse. It's literally your job as a parent to protect your child. That includes getting over any internal drive to people please or worry about how you look or how you might be judged.

Do you think the nursery would employ non DBS checked workers or onky male ones who aren’t checked.

What so absolutely crazy is to automatically assume this worker is a pedo.

So you don’t take you DD (if you have one) to a male doctor? Or have a male teacher? Or a male nurse? Male bus driver? Male coach? Male taxi driver.

There is a very respected study that shows for your child to come to any harm by a monster they would have to stand out on a corner for 20,000 years. Yeah men do abuse children more often but thankfully it isn’t common and in fact a child is most likely to be abused by a close relative. So did your husband/partner change nappies? Did you father? Brother? Brother in law - because statistically this is more dangerous.

I think a measure of calm is required sometimes.

BunfightBetty · 07/02/2026 15:28

Hiptothisjive · 07/02/2026 13:53

Do you think the nursery would employ non DBS checked workers or onky male ones who aren’t checked.

What so absolutely crazy is to automatically assume this worker is a pedo.

So you don’t take you DD (if you have one) to a male doctor? Or have a male teacher? Or a male nurse? Male bus driver? Male coach? Male taxi driver.

There is a very respected study that shows for your child to come to any harm by a monster they would have to stand out on a corner for 20,000 years. Yeah men do abuse children more often but thankfully it isn’t common and in fact a child is most likely to be abused by a close relative. So did your husband/partner change nappies? Did you father? Brother? Brother in law - because statistically this is more dangerous.

I think a measure of calm is required sometimes.

The queries you raise have been answered up-thread. But for clarity, I’ll answer a couple of your points that particularly jumped out at me.

Do you think the nursery would employ non DBS checked workers or only male ones who aren’t checked.

Probably not, I would imagine and hope that the vast majority of nurseries would carry out DBS checks diligently. But the key problem with relying on DBS checks is that they only show up offenders after they’ve been caught and have been convicted. They won’t catch anybody who hasn’t been caught yet, or will offend in future. So there is still risk. Why expose your child to it when there are ways of not doing that?

What so absolutely crazy is to automatically assume this worker is a pedo.

I’m not automatically assuming anyone is a paedo. What I am doing is using statistical evidence to make a risk-based assessment rooted in safeguarding best practice.

Males carry out 99% of sexual assaults. Therefore a male is far riskier, statistically, than a female, in this role. We also know that males who are so inclined deliberately try to insert themselves into roles where they have access to children to abuse. Small children are particularly vulnerable. Until somebody had actually offended and been caught, we don’t know which males have good intentions, and which do not. So we have to take precautions with all of them.

Given a choice between restricting, slightly, the scope of the man’s role, and safeguarding children from sexual abuse and a lifetime of trauma, we cannot prioritise the satisfaction of the adult male over the physical and psychological safety of the children. A civilised society recognises children are vulnerable and protects them. Ethically, the child’s interests have to come first.

There is a very respected study that shows for your child to come to any harm by a monster they would have to stand out on a corner for 20,000 years.

Can you provide a link to this study, please? I’m not aware of it and am surprised by the statistics you quote, as they do not stack up against other research into prevalence of child sexual abuse.

As for children facing more risk from relatives, that is statistically true. It is far too widespread. Are you suggesting an ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’ approach? Like kids are being abused anyway, so why bother getting it down elsewhere? That’s really strange, if so. We should surely be looking to reduce harm wherever it occurs. Not letting males change nappies is a quick and easy way of reducing some of the risk. It’s still incredibly valuable to prevent some children being abused, even if we can’t prevent it for all.

I think a measure of calm is required sometimes.

Who’s not being calm? I’m advocating a clear-eyed calm way of approaching this where we set measured based on fact and statistical risk.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 07/02/2026 15:33

BunfightBetty · 13/01/2026 09:53

You are right to raise this, as statistically males are far, far more likely to carry out sexual assaults than females.

98% of sexual offending is carried out by men. Only 2% by women.

While it's not unheard of for women to abuse, the vast majority - and hence the far greater risk to your child - is when men are involved.

So those urging you to worry more about not being sexist than safeguarding your child should be ignored.

Do not feel embarrassed to ask the nursery for their safeguarding procedures and for your child to be changed only by female staff members.

Agreed. I ended up putting my child in with a CM in a female only household.

Obviously not everyone can do that.
Might be worth looking st local options.

Nurseries have a place though.. I'd be much more comfortable / perfectly fine with my 3 yo in a nursery ... a 16m old less so.

Thats not to say the nursery isnt fine it just wouldnt be my preference

ShamedBySiri · 07/02/2026 18:07

I have no idea why so many posters have such faith in the DBS checks. All that shows is the person hasn't been caught (yet). And there are shocking loopholes in the system where people name change should they announce they are trans and change gender as well as name.

For those who missed it, I'm pretty sure this male nurse would have had DBS checks. We don't know the exact details of his assaults, in terms of whether parents/carers were present or behind the curtain but within hearing. The Cambridge cancer specialist Myles Bradbury who assaulted young boys, and filmed his assaults using a spy camera in his pen, did so in the presence of parents, so despite nappy change areas being within view with partial partitions or however they are arranged so I wouldn't take it as a given that there would be no opportunity for abusive activities. In fact it seems to be the case that many abusers get additional excitement from carrying out their abuse in plain view.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clymmgmxnd8o

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-30273548

A man in a nursing uniform smiles at the camera. His uniform is blue and there is a stethescope around his neck. He has short brown hair and wears rectangular spectacles. The room his is standing in is painted bright blue.

Swindon nurse carried out unnecessary intimate exams on children

Ashley Boyd performed the examinations in pursuit of sexual gratification, a misconduct panel was told.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clymmgmxnd8o

ThatJadeLion · 09/02/2026 19:29

Not a chance I would send my child to a nursery if there was a male changing nappies. Absolutely couldn't care less if anyone thinks I'm being unreasonable.

ShamedBySiri · 09/02/2026 20:22

And another one.
Not sure why there are so many posters on here minimising the risks that makes working with small children present.

https://x.com/itvwestcountry/status/2020854364210856191?s=46

Male worker and nappy changes
Male worker and nappy changes
Freepaintjob · 10/02/2026 18:43

A lot of white men. Why?

ridl14 · 10/02/2026 18:56

Tbh we chose a nursery where all the staff are women, save for the manager's husband who runs the kitchen, doesn't care for the kids. Most staff been there a very long time and I really do trust them. They have portable rubber mats they take out and just put on the floor in the baby room. Parents stay upstairs by the front door so aren't wandering in and out at pick up time anyway.

One nursery we looked round, I asked about safeguarding with nappy changes and they said all staff are DBS checked and that no one else is allowed in the nappy changing room, just the staff member and the baby. That was a red flag to me.

FlashingFairyLight · 10/02/2026 19:04

Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing · 13/01/2026 09:50

Excuse me but are you? Was Rose West a man in drag?

Having to drag out one isolated example from 30 years ago kind of proves the point that women committing sexual assault is very rare.

Meanwhile shall we count the number of men convicted in the last 30 years of the sexual abuse of children?
Actually, let's not, it's horrific.

Men as a class pose a greater risk, it's statistics, not sexism.

TheGoodLadyMary · 10/02/2026 19:48

ThatJadeLion · 09/02/2026 19:29

Not a chance I would send my child to a nursery if there was a male changing nappies. Absolutely couldn't care less if anyone thinks I'm being unreasonable.

Edited

Same here, and I’d be pulling my daughter out if a man started working there.

Freepaintjob · 12/02/2026 07:19

Nursery’s are advertising for male workers to join

Male worker and nappy changes
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