Threatening message from childminder?

[BreezyMintDeer]

I took my 7 month old son to his first taster day at the childminders last week. It was bad weather so we drove there and when I took him out of the car I thought I better put his coat on just in case I’m standing outside talking to her for a while with it being his first day. You have to knock on the door, input a code into the gate and then wait at the door for her to answer and as she already had children in I thought I could be waiting a couple of minutes. No issues on drop off everything was fine. When picking him up I parked around the corner and went to collect him and she said “do you want to come in and put his coat on” so I did and then we left, again removed the coat and put him in his car seat. No issues again.
One week later, a message gets sent into the parent group chat by the childminder about car seat safety and how coats aren’t allowed. Completely fine, but my issue was with the wording…
“If we notice children are still coming into the setting wearing coats / seeing them exit cars with it on we will need to speak with you privately. I would be required to write down each incident and potentially need to speak to social services if no change is made”
Few issues:

1. If this is how they deal with issues, i.e. in a group chat, I just think this is a completely unacceptable approach for a professional setting
2. If the issue was about me personally and the coat why not mention something on the day instead of waiting a week to post in the group chat? They also would have seen me take him out of the car and put his coat on when I did the drop off
3. Is a threat to social services not a bit extreme? I understand safety issues but “we would need to speak to you individually” would have sufficed

My little boy has only been in for 1 day so far and is still only doing settling in sessions until feb so I don’t want to get him settled somewhere I’m going to have issues with as he will be there for a good few years!

Thoughts please?

Id message her privately. It sounds like there's every chance the message is aimed at someone else.

Perhaps it wasn’t about you? It does seem extreme because social services will not be interested at all, they are dealing with families where them not using a seat at all is the least of their worries! This whole not wearing coats thing is new to me, we weren’t told that at all when mine were small, are grandparents doing the drop for any families by any chance?

Yeah don't think this is aimed at you, and really, a group message is less intense than an individual one. Great that she's clued up on cat safety.

She’s sent a quick message to everyone. It’s a blanket reminder as the weather gets worse.

she’s not just referring to you. She might not be referring to you at all. She’s just reminding everyone, quickly and easily, that it’s a safety issue.

There is nothing about this situation that would bother me. I would be glad that the childminder is clued in about safety and actually notices how the children are presented. I also think there is nothing threatening about the message at all. Presumably it is aimed at another parent who isn't taking notice, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Gawd not an appropriate way to communicate and threatening social services is ridiculous. They are not the parenting police.

Childminders have a mandatory duty to report... whether you like it or not.

Very clued up on car safety, I'd be please my child was being looked after responsibly and not sweat about it because it was a general note rather than aimed at you.

She's telling you she has a safeguarding duty to report this. Just like when a teacher saw a child get into the front seat of a car with no seat at 5. Nothing much comes of it unless it's part of a wider pattern of unsafe behaviour towards a child.

She’s probably noticed a few parents do this in the last couple of weeks so better to send a group note.

Report for what?! It's advice, not law.

It's great she is clued up, and we should all be careful with coats in car seats but as a social worker, I wouldn't do more than a phone call follow up if this came through as the only concern

Honestly once you start sending your kids to outside establishments like nursery, school, etc you just have to let this stuff wash over you otherwise every possibly-pointed definitely-officious message is going to put you in a spin. I'm surprised you haven't had this at the health visitor or whatever yet really. In other circumstances it might've been giving you info you weren't aware of, too.

It is annoying, the constant being bossed about, but it is life as a parent.

If a parent isn't listening to reasonable safety advice (not just from the cm but from reputable online sources) that their actions are placing their child in danger, then I can almost guarantee that this won't be the only thing they are reckless about and the cm will easily build a profile.

'build a profile' for what?

She might be clued up on child safety but she isn't clued up on social services referrals, is she?!
I would find it quite a leap too OP and a weird way to communicate.

It probably wasn't aim at you, sounds like there is an ongoing issue.

I do think threatening social services is too heavy handed though. I appreciate she cares about the children's safety but it's an issue of parental choice not a social services matter.

What, kids cant wear a coat in a car seat? When did this happen?

In the last 10 years I think. The padding means the straps don’t fit efficiently and when an accident happens the coat gets squashed, the straps aren’t tight and the child can fly out of the car seat. I think that’s right anyway?

It's been the advice for a long time. If a child is strapped into a car seat with a bulky coat then the straps aren't actually securing the child properly.

I would assume the message was a general reminder OP and to be honest I'd be pleased the childminder was so on the ball with ensuring the safety of her charges.

Wtf does she think children services are going to do.

Does anyone remember the thread last week from the poster incandescent with rage that her husband carried the baby to and from the car without a coat. So many posters telling the OP to leave the bastard and that her husband should learn to do as he is told. I think one poster may have suggested wearing a coat in a car is a bad idea.

This seems a bit extreme to me ? Threatening social services over this. I have to say my childcare facility never sends messages like this to people. Perhaps it would be better to address it directly with the people involved . It’s just a bit tactless and comes across authoritarian

Exactly.

social services are well overstretched and are there to support families in need and keep children safe from neglect and harm.

they are not their to police whether they’ve got a jacket on on the car seat.

I'd have a proper conservation with the childminder. In person or on the phone but not over text.

Ask if the message was directed at you.
I'd also ask if this is really a social services matter.

She has no idea whatsoever whether parent has put coat on briefly to, you know, keep child warm on way to/ from car.

Parent's decision, not hers.

Id be so tempted to look out for any tiny infringement on her part and threten her with ofsted

Ridiculous.

I’m guessing she’s like a lot of MNers who are terrified of confrontation and speaking to other adults.

If you have an issue, you speak to the person involved instead of sending passive agressive notes on a WhatsApp group. 🙄