Threatening message from childminder?

[BreezyMintDeer]

I took my 7 month old son to his first taster day at the childminders last week. It was bad weather so we drove there and when I took him out of the car I thought I better put his coat on just in case I’m standing outside talking to her for a while with it being his first day. You have to knock on the door, input a code into the gate and then wait at the door for her to answer and as she already had children in I thought I could be waiting a couple of minutes. No issues on drop off everything was fine. When picking him up I parked around the corner and went to collect him and she said “do you want to come in and put his coat on” so I did and then we left, again removed the coat and put him in his car seat. No issues again.
One week later, a message gets sent into the parent group chat by the childminder about car seat safety and how coats aren’t allowed. Completely fine, but my issue was with the wording…
“If we notice children are still coming into the setting wearing coats / seeing them exit cars with it on we will need to speak with you privately. I would be required to write down each incident and potentially need to speak to social services if no change is made”
Few issues:

1. If this is how they deal with issues, i.e. in a group chat, I just think this is a completely unacceptable approach for a professional setting
2. If the issue was about me personally and the coat why not mention something on the day instead of waiting a week to post in the group chat? They also would have seen me take him out of the car and put his coat on when I did the drop off
3. Is a threat to social services not a bit extreme? I understand safety issues but “we would need to speak to you individually” would have sufficed

My little boy has only been in for 1 day so far and is still only doing settling in sessions until feb so I don’t want to get him settled somewhere I’m going to have issues with as he will be there for a good few years!

Thoughts please?

Is a threat to social services not a bit extreme? Nope, not where child safety is concerned.

But you aren't doing this so you are ok. I don't think this was aimed at you.
Leave the coat at home in future.

I think social services have better things to do. I would think her message was OTT and I would be running in the opposite direction!

In a few weeks we could well have subzero temperatures. In those circumstances I think not giving a child a coat would be significantly more neglectful than the alternative!

Key bit to keep in mind - child minders have no requirement for formal childcare qualifications. Their safeguarding training is solely focussed on identifying potential issues and referring to relevant services. Where there are staff who are trained and have qualifications in the subject and are therefore competent to make a judgement. Their insurance will emphasise to them that any concerns on child safety they should refer to social services.

Add that to the wild sections of the internet that are convinced that anything other than rear facing and harnessed until age 7 is actively negligent - and you get these scenarios.

General reminders to group, followed by individual discussions, prior to referral sounds reasonably pragmatic.

Also why is there more and more policing of parents re child safety in cars and so little to address the biggest risk to all of us namely people driving dangerously?

I see people breaking the law in their cars every day. Maybe we should start reporting them to social services!

A group chat is a far better way. All get told and no one is singled out

She thinks that social services would be interested in this! 😂

I’m a childminder and I think she’s gone a bit far with the social services stuff. I personally don’t have group WhatsApp but I will send group emails for reminders etc. I’d probably put more a friendly reminder about car safety in a nice tone first (maybe she already has), then I’d verbally approach anyone ignoring that and show them what’s safe. However, if I’ve warned them already a few times and they choose to ignore then that’s their choice in my opinion. I actually stopped using my car for childminding as parents started to want all children rear-facing etc which just wasn’t possible as I need to take them out every day.

Unless she is actually removing the child from the car with the coat on she is clueless if the child has a coat on in the car seat

It might not be aimed at you! I’d message her privately, something like ‘Hi x, thank you for a lovely first week. Just to let you know, DS never wears his coat in the car seat and I’m aware of the dangers, I was just putting his coat on him for the transition between the car and your house in case we were outside chatting for a bit. I didn’t want him to get cold!’

Hopefully she’ll say something chilled or conciliatory. If she texts back something officious or defensive you know it’s probably going to be a tricky relationship and I’d cut your losses.

Well it’s almost certainly not aimed at you op.

The message is a little heavy handed, but I wonder if there has been an issue or an accident in the past - and she is very reactive as a result?

I would feel far more comfortable leaving my dc with an overly officious childminder, than one that was lax and lazy. On balance, I would be pleased to see a cautious approach to caring for children and a good thing for my child.

I would speak to her i cant imagine this is directed at you.

Your focus is misdirected. Don't worry about the wording of a message to parents be pleased you have a care provider who knows the regulations and cares enough to enforce them.

He/she sounds absolutely clueless about the social care system!
I'm currently trying to get a family I work with to meet threshold and there is neglect, emotional abuse and a complete lack of parenting capacity but it’s still a no.
Social care wouldn’t be interested in car seat safety at all and I’d be very uneasy about how this issue is being dealt with by a childminder!

Who tf takes a coat off before putting a child in a car?

Yeah I would t be taking him back as I’m not changing my behaviour. It’s freezing cold.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all.

I don't mind her giving a reminder about car seat safety - it's a good thing in itself, as not everyone necessarily knows that rule or observes it. (It was a rule when my DD was using car seats but not that widely known I don't think, and you often saw people breaking it. Not sure whether it's more well-known now?).

But anyway. The appropriate way for her to do this would be to send a link an article of some kind about car seat safety, with maybe a covering message, "Just a reminder about coats in car seats, now the cold days are upon us! Stay safe everyone" Or something.

The threat is ridiculously OTT. If it's aimed at a particular family she has concerns about, she needs to communicate with them directly. Doing it this way has now given all families the impression she is weirdly spying on them, ready to report them to SS about something that quite frankly SS don't have time or resources to give a shit about.

Frankly it makes her sound OTT and a bit mad? Like she uses a chainsaw to open a crisp packets, type of person?

Thus I might consider moving my child's setting, if things like this kept happening. Perhaps not for a first offence, but I would keep an eye on it. You have to trust the sanity and good judgement of those to whom you entrust your most precious cargo!

I must be in a minority as I wouldn’t be happy with this at all, I think it’s extremely rude and would make me think the childminder would likely be a busybody.

I always do think I’m an anomaly at DDs nursery as I never bother putting her coat on just to walk from the car to the nursery door but most other people seem to.

She sounds like the kind of person where it's her way or the highway and that she is quick to anger when people don't do things exactly how she wants it. She is ridiculously ott and also has poor boundaries as it is not her remit to police parents which is a very different thing from carrying out her safeguarding duties. There is no way in hell i would go anywhere near this person - god knows what she is like with the kids if she is like this with the adults.

Oof, probably wasn’t aimed at you as you said she saw you putting the coat on as you got out of the car

Honestly if that’s her normal communication style I couldn’t stand it and would be looking for another childminder. If she’s threatening parents en masse with a social services report for something very minor, are you going to want her in your life and minding your child? Doesn’t sound like it’s going to be a warm or collaborative relationship.

I’d be reassured that she is vigilant and takes safeguarding seriously. I doubt the message was aimed at you personally but due to the changing season.
The no coat guidance has been around for years - at least since mine were babies and they are nearly grown up - it’s common sense / common physics surely that a big fluffy coat and loose straps is dangerous!

Also if she had been on a safeguarding course and told to report that incidents of unsafe car seat use then that is what she has to do - the fact that SS are useless is irrelevant.

Shes just doing her job.

I'd be super happy they cared more about keeping children safe than offending parents.

Unfortunately lots of social workers ignore childminders I've had them ignore me on child abuse then go rushing in months later when a GP reported, been told I'm only a cm, had to insist on attending TAC meeting even though I saw child every day and the hv was 3 months before.