Been told not to bring DD back to nursery - totally stunned

[angry456]

I've name changed for this.

I am changing DD's current nursery from September mainly because I want to send her to the nursery attached to the private school I want her to go to. Out of courtesy I decided to let her current nursery know now. I told the nursery manager a couple of days ago and made it clear it was no reflection on their standards and she was lovely about it and completely agreed with me it would be best for DD to start at a nursery where she was going to school. She also said she'd tell the nursery owner.

So I went to pick up DD tonight and nursery owner was there and asked for a word. She said that since I didn't appreciate the care that DD was getting and since I obviously didn't care about her (owners) feelings I should pull DD out immediately and not bring her back in the morning.

She also gave me an envelope containing some cash which she says makes up the remaining amount we'd paid for this month. I tried to point out that if I wasn't happy I'd be the one insisting on pulling DD out now and that I was only trying to help by giving extra notice. She's adament DD won't be welcome tomorrow. I didn't take the money.

I'm totally stunned.what the hell do I do? Dp is away working so I cant even cry on him.

Is there anything I can do (not that I'd leave DD there now) and what on earth do I do about child care?

how do I explain all this to DD who will suddenly not be seeing her friends?

That is an appalling way to treat your daughter. Nursery owner is clearly in the wrong business.

I suggest contacting your local trading standards department as well as Ofsted - nursery is breaching its contract with you.

With hindsight, it might have been wise not to mention the private school. It would seem that the notion has made the owner chippy.

Apart from that, I agree with all the comments made.

( i am in a similar situation, pulling dd out of nursery to start at the one her brother is it - will be saving money and just have one drop off. was dreading telling the nursery manager but finally plucked up the courage on friday. luckily she took it very well. am so glad i did, as this thread would have put the absolute fear into me, and i would be living in terror of telling her!)

Angry I don't blame you for being

I have had some pretty awful clients in my 8 years of running a nursery & I have NEVER done that just heaved a sigh of relief when they've moved on

You have been more than reasonable & whilst I would be sad you were leaving me if you were my client I'd respect your wishes & be grateful for the longer notice!!

thats awful!!!

If you decide to contact the regulator, I would suggest writing to them. That way it is more likely in my view to get on file.
Your complaint about the nursery MUST be about something which is regulated. Full Daycare Standards is the main document to refer to at this time. I would look at Standard 12 - Working in Partnership with Parents.
For example, did the nursery give you at any point information about: "a written complaints procedure which includes the address and telephone number of the regulator"
If not, then they may be in breach of Standard 12. If they did, then follow that procedure to complain about the nursery, as Ofsted will have expected you to have followed any complaints procedure that exists, unless there is very good reason not to do so.

Standard 12.3 "There is a system in place for the regular exchange of information between parents and staff members. Parents are able to share information and their views and concerns are respected and acknowledged. Appropriate and prompt action is taken on any concerns raised and a record of all complaints is maintained."
Has the nursery done that? Sounds like you had a 'regular exchange of information' with them, but the nursery may not have 'respected' your view.
So raise this in your letter to the regulator, you gave them advance notice of termination and the nursery adversely reacted.

The key with dealing with the regulator is to relate any complaint to specific parts of the National Standards. Then the regulator will be able to investigate. If you make it a contract dispute issue, then Ofsted won't want to deal with it. So take any contractual issue up with the nursery directly, while informing the regulator of beach of National Standards.

Sorry to hear this has happened to you. The nursery manager seems to have acted appropriately... but the owner has flipped.

Surely there will be a period of notice in your contract, for both sides to terminate?
I am sure she cannot exclude your dd like that, especially when her behaviour is not even in question.

You could contact your Early Years Team, part of Children;s Services in the Council. They have people/professionals assigned to every nursery in the city and ime they are pretty hot about things like this. Get in touch, let them know what happened and see what happens from there. I'd want to tell everyone what happened as a warning, people just can't be allowed to act like this, your poor child. Not very child centred are they?

Sound advice Nannynick!

Mumof2 is right too your local EY development team need to know if only to advicse this owner she is being a prat!!

it sounds to me like they want your space for someone on the waiting list.

as the nursery manager is stunned/upset i think your dd would be ok if you just turned up with DD at the nursery today. Is the owner there day to day?

Simply tell them that you deserve the proper notice, i.e. 1 month, to find alternative childcare.
You may then find the owner has calmed down especially if you mention terms like "breach of contract" "standards" or some other jargon you can get from the OFSTED website to make her realise you are going to report this.

Good luck! Why did you feel the need to namechange though? You haven't done anything wrong.

Quite amidai!!

I'm stunned. Surely ALL private nurseries expect change in September when children move on to nurseries attached to schools they will be attending whether state or private.

Bizarre.

We expect change every September IOS because children move up to RECEPTION. Not all schools have a pre-school/nursery class & many of them take throughout the year not just in Sept. It is not a given that children go to a school based setting just some parents prefer it, where a lot prefer to let them stay in a more homely less structured environment. Good to have a choice!

The point is angry456 has given plenty of notice over & above the required contractural obligation & the owner has reneged on this which obviously the manager doesn't agree with because she know sit is wrong! Personally if I put MY manager in such an embarrassing & unprofessionl position I think she'd leave!

In my area everyone whose parents want it go to full time nursery school the September after they turn 3.

I am still aghast. Angry has a perfectly normal valid reason for moving her child with plenty of notice. I run an after school activity and can't ever dream of treating parents like that. (I know its a bit different but you are still dealing with very young children). One parent gave me a full 12 months notice of her child leaving so she could do a different activity and I appreciated that.

At many private schools going to the nursery gives you an advantage into getting into the school itself. I really think this owner has flipped!!!!!!

Agreed IOS- she certainly has taken umbrage at SOMETHING Mrs A has said/done/not done/ is totally unaware of, not that excuses her in the SLIGHTEST.

Two stops short of Dagenham that lady

(Barking)

What's the latest Mrs A??

i am stunned for you , we are teking our dd2 out of her local nursery in sept to start at the kindegarten attatched to dd1 private school for exactly the same reasons you stated , our nursery manager and owner have both been delightful about it , and even said we can use the holiday club next year if we want.

If you have to take time out to deal with the situation I think a small claims court action for loss of earnings would be in order.

I hope it doesn't come to that, but I am frankly gobsmacked.

Get as much in writing as you can, keep notes of phone conversations, etc.

It's shocking. Some attitudes to private ed in the state sector are really negative. They don't like it at all. I made the mistake after looking at my local school of mentioning I was also looking at the private school. I thought they'd start talking a bit more about how they teach and what they can offer but the head just said it was quite far and turned his back on me.

Sorry for not updating you all sooner. Sorry this is long.

I took the rest of the week off and this afternoon when I'd calmed down phoned and spoke to the owner. She'd phoned me and leaving answer machine messages 6 or 7 times asking me to call her.

I phoned prepared to speak to the owner along the lines some of you suggested but didn't need to. She immediately launched into a full scale apology and charm offensive saying she'd completely misunderstood the situation. She went on about how DD is a credit to me and who much the staff and other children like her. She said she's realised that if I was unhappy with the care I'd be just pulling her out right away not giving such extensive notice. She kept saying she'd behaved like a complete prat and she'd been under immense personal pressure (someone told me yesterday her husband left at the start of this week as he's having an affair with her best friend) and she really wanted DD to come back. I barely had to say a word.

The upshot is that she had a hand written apology and a bouquet of flowers delivered to me this afternoon AND she's offered in writing to take DD on half fees until she leaves in mid August. The manager also phoned me asking for me to bring DD back on Monday.

I know its not desperation as my friend has her daughter on the waiting list and has been told there are no places availabe until JANUARY as they are full for the September intake with a waiting list.

I want DD to stay in nursery but do I take her back? I am inclined to especially as day to day care falls to the staff and manager and not the owner.Have to say the half fees are tempting and I've never been unhappy with the nusery except on a few minor points until now.

PS changed my name as there's someone who knows me IRL whose been giving me a bit of flack / constnatly going on about some of my posts

Well, she couldn't grovel much more than that!

I'd take her at face value - yes, she was a prat but she was having a terrible week - & graciously accept apology.

Dd would surely be happiest if she does go back?

Yes I'd take DD back - for DD's sake if she's happy there mainly but also because it sounds like Nursery Owner had a disaster in her personal life and truly regrets her actions. Hopefully she's learned a hard lesson and won't let personal issues impact on her work to this extent again...

definitely send her back. the manager sounds lovely and has obviously pulled her boss up the minute you left. bit galling to keep giving money (even half) to the prat of an owner but much less disruptive for your dd.

Yes take her back, the owner clearly had a bit of an emotional break down at thinking her job was falling apart like her home life.

Yes she was unprofessional, out of order, a bit barking mad but she has sincerely apologised, done what she can to make amends etc. We are all human and I know I lost the plot when my first marriage ended!