feel sick - is this how much nurseries cost????

[eenybeeny]

my DS is supposed to start nursery this september when he is 2. we booked his place in this nursery ages ago as it is very very good. its a montessory (sp?) Anyway I just spoke to the sort of secong in command to confirm his place and she told me how much it costs (when we asked before they were unable to give us a definite quote for confusing reasons)

anyway - 2 mornings a week it will be £400 a term. And when he turns 3 (a whole year after he starts) and the vouchers kick in they will only cover about 50%.

I just feel sick. I dont think we can afford that. Is that the norm for nurseries?????? There is another nursery in town which is much less but I just love this one and I am gutted. I dont know what to do. She said we can break it down into monthly payments but still thats over £100 a month!

£71? [faints] flippin heck that is a lot. Hope they feed them something fancy for that

maybe one morning a week might be better?

i think that what you are paying is quite cheap tbh for a nursery. here they are 17.50 a morning so two mornings a week would add upto £140 a month. and we also are v small town with extremely limited childcare places available.

Why don't you put him in at 3 when you get the funding Or just do a couple of mornings initially, my dd went to a montessori at 2 but she really benefited from 3.

We pay 280euros a month, that works out at around 14eu or ten pounds a day for full time place (7.30am to 4.30pm) I thought that was dear until I read this thread.

Eeny,
You have had some sound advice on this thread. I can add our personal experience, here in Germany it is common to send your child to kindergarten from the age of 3yo. There are some children who go before the age of 3 but I cannot say that I have noticed a difference in their behaviour or social skills.

Do what you think is best, and do not let others tell you that your son needs to socialise more or be away from you more. 2yo is an age when lots of children get a bit wary of seperation from mum, and most get over it with time.

Our DS went to a childminder from around 2yo and I found that was enough to prepare him for kindergarten and it was not so difficult for him to cope with.

My bills are huge and I'm now thinking of a private school as it wouldn't increase our outgoings that much, in fact it's cheaper!

There are all sorts of play groups and mother and toddler groups that are really great value.

Eeeny - 2 is a perfectly acceptable time to start nursery part time - your ds will probably love it.
Our Montesorri is about 40 a day I think, costs us about 500 month for 3 days a week. dd is 2 so waiting to see what difference vouchers make when she is 3.5!
Very shocked at the free places though - that is not on, very unfair - don't think Montesorri would be impressed if they knew.....

ps - and she loves it and has done since she started!

eeny, you don't have to justify your decisions to anyone, he's your son, your choice.

i think the cost of the nursery you have in mind is about average, we pay £132 a month to send ds 1 day a week. it is a shock to the system (financially) at first, but you get used to it. ds has been going since he was 2 and really enjoys it.

My dd's is £19.50 a morning 9-1pm & that includes a hot meal for lunch.

ginger I liked your description of your DD having things to tell you about at the end of the day! that is really sweet. and I know what you mean about mother and toddler groups not being consistent with who attends etc.

well setting aside the money - I honestly dont know if we can afford it now - I am in turmoil over whether or not it would be best for DS to go. I dont know. Will have to agonise think about it some more and talk to DH. Thank you everyone for your input it has all been interesting but its so overwhelming to know what the right thing to do is.

just had another angle I wanted to bring up and get opinions on. DS does not have Grandparents anywhere near and is never looking after ANYONE but me and DH. Mainly me as DH works full time but is a very hands on Dad.

Anyway... was just thinking. A lot of children are with their Grandparents a few hours a week etc. That isnt seen as harmful at all is it. How does that relate to them attending nursery? Before anyone thinks I am looking for ways to justify sending DS to nursery - I am most certainly not!! I love having him with me I have even considered homeschooling though have ultimately decided against it for various personal reasons.

Just wondering - for the people who think 2 is quite young to go to nursery, are your children looked after other people, ever? Is it the relationship of the people concerned that matters i.e. Grandparents love a child in a way a nursery worker could not?

We pay £38 a day eeny (and £10.50 just for DD to go to afterschool club - and that is ony after school!) - it is the norm around here I am afraid - when the vouchers kick in it covers about £140 a month but that is only for the term after they are 3 you don't get it before then.

He is going through a pahse at the moment - mother and toddler and seeing us mumsnetters are probably enough for him. Hopefully I will be a SAHM very soon adn you can come round here and doss for the day.

eenybeeny - I don't think that anyone on this thread is suggesting you are going to harm your DS by sending him to nursery for two short sessions a week . I think that the most anyone is saying is that the benefits (if any, to the whole of your family) of nursery will be outweighed by its cost disadvantages.

Grandparents are a very different proposition to nursery. My daughter was looked after quite frequently for short periods by my mother when she was a baby - always one-on-one attention, in a house that she knew extremely well, by someone who behaved in ways incredibly similar to my own, so not even remotely disorientating for my daughter.

Eeny - My DS did two mornings a week from 2.4 and loved it! He went at the same time as one of his pals which was great. I found that he was finding sharing etc difficult (as you would expect) so being able to play with his friends away from Mummy and on 'neutral' territory did him the world of good.

It is a personal decision, of course, but I felt that you were hearing a lot of negative reasons for sending him.

I am also quite happy to admit that I enjoyed a little break too - Parenting 24-7 is hard work and him going to nursery meant that I had some one-on-one time with DD. We still do music classes, the park and beach, toddler groups etc. DD will do one morning a week when she is two and I will feel no guilt about enjoying 2 and a half hours on my own!

I really dont know what to do.

The nursery has an open day this saturday and they have made it clear if we dont want the place we need to say ASAP as they have a very long waiting list.

Thank you again everyone for holding my hand through this! Anna I really wish my DS had the sort of grandparents he could be left with but he doesnt so he has never actually really been with people other than me and DH.

Am thinking of sending him to nursery starting out maybe one morning a week instead of two but dont know if that is too little to even bother with.

Sorry thank you please keep talking to me about this I have a deadline of little over a day to sort it out!

eenbeeny,

I think you know your own son best.

When reading these comments it's important to remember that every child is completely different as is every parent. You certainly shouldn't be made to feel guilty for taking him to nursery earlier than someone else as he may be ready when another child was not and only you can tell. There is no right answer other than what is best for you and your ds.

I can identify with the feeling that you reach a stage where, although you love them more than life itself, you alone are not always enough for your child day in day out.

Personally, I think kids need to be around other kids from quite an early age and particularly if they are the first child in a family they might benefit an enormous amount from a couple of sessions at nursery at this age. This was certainly the case with my DC. They have learnt so much from the kids they have made friends with at nursery, as well as the confidence boost of forming relationships with other adults who take an interest in them (nursery staff).

There are other benefits to be considered too. If you have no family nearby to help if something comes up i.e. you are ill, some nurseries will take your kids in for extra days if you already have some regular sessions with them. This gives me piece of mind as the closest family is 150 miles away. I've had to do this a few times over the last 2 years, not sure what we'd have done otherwise.

Having said all that, only you can say how potentially crippling nursery costs might be to you.

thank you flibertyplus2 for the thoughtful post.

I think the first thing I need to do is work out if I can even afford it. I mean if I cant then its a moot point anyway isnt it!

The problem is that although I DO know my son inside out and he is my whole world - I honestly dont know what is best for him in this instance. Which is strange for me because I am normally very decided on things to do with him. I see him as fragile emotionally so there is an argument to keep him with me where he is safe. But other people argue that venturing out into the big world a little (within safe perametors) will give him a confidence boost.

I really dont know. I think one thing I am afraid of is pulling out all the stops to pay to get him in there - then he is miserable so I will pull him out - then a lot of money wasted and they perhaps wouldnt give him a place again when he turns 3 as it is very hard to get a place in this nursery. I just feel its all or nothing so I am panicing. Sigh.

Eeny why don't you just send him to the other good nursery and when things look up financially change him - just because it is expensive doesn;t mean it is better - a lot of the time these specialist nurserys will put a premium on their prices because they know people are willing to pay them - if you think he just needs some time away from you and some stimulation I can't see the problem - he doesn't have to go to the expensive one does he.

Hopefully I will be made redundant soon and DS will be changing from the private nursery he goes to to one attached to the school, which is soooo much cheaper - it isn't as bright and shiney as the one he goes to at the moment but it has brilliant reviews and everyone I know who has children there can't fault it - if you can't afford to send him to the expensive one you are just going to have to get your head around sending him somewhere else.

God do I sound harsh this morning - shoulder is killing me and I haven't had any sleep!

I dunno about Montessri being good for all kids too - DS hated it. Some kids need more structure. Just be aware of that.

I think Montessori is a by word for being able to charge more to be honest!

If he just needs someone to play with what is wrong with him going to the local 'normal' nursery?

Sorry am just repeating myself here.

Is there a sure start nursery near you? In my experience, the staff ratio and level of training and most importantly awareness of basic risk assessment with toddlers is vastly superior to any privately run nursery.

my ds does 3 mornings at a very good nursery and it costs us £270 a month

What about a play group - don't they have those around these days - I know there is one in Kelvedon and it is as cheap as chips.