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feel sick - is this how much nurseries cost????

88 replies

eenybeeny · 04/06/2008 09:34

my DS is supposed to start nursery this september when he is 2. we booked his place in this nursery ages ago as it is very very good. its a montessory (sp?) Anyway I just spoke to the sort of secong in command to confirm his place and she told me how much it costs (when we asked before they were unable to give us a definite quote for confusing reasons)

anyway - 2 mornings a week it will be £400 a term. And when he turns 3 (a whole year after he starts) and the vouchers kick in they will only cover about 50%.

I just feel sick. I dont think we can afford that. Is that the norm for nurseries?????? There is another nursery in town which is much less but I just love this one and I am gutted. I dont know what to do. She said we can break it down into monthly payments but still thats over £100 a month!

OP posts:
eenybeeny · 04/06/2008 09:57

oh dear. I didnt expect this.

I have moved hell and high water to stay home with my son. We are exceptionally attached to each other. He is my whole world. And I would happily keep him with me all the time. He seems very insecure and I thought a couple of mornings away from me might do him good??? I dont know. His language is excellent by the way he is 22 months and speaks better than a lot of 3 year olds I know. I am very very proud of him.

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Anna8888 · 04/06/2008 09:57

eenybeeny - my daughter definitely liked me to be around at 2 - that is completely normal behaviour btw at that age - at 3 it was a different story.

You don't need to try to rush your DS through his developmental stages - just let him be himself . Toddler groups and playgrounds are great at this age.

katylou25 · 04/06/2008 09:58

Can't believe the costs on this thread - ds1 is in a fab private pre-school - 3 hour morning sessions are between £6 - 7.50 on a scale so if you do one morning a week each session is more than if you do all 5 - he loves it, they do some great activities, and I can't fault it all. Could seriously not contemplate paying as much as some of you are talking about!

theAfkaUrbanDryad · 04/06/2008 09:58

Eeny - would it be worth meeting up with some other mums from the M&T groups in the week? Maybe to go to the park or something?

I think if he is very attached to you putting him in nursery could be very distressing for him, expensive for you and ultimately not much use! also agree that i wouldn't touch that nursery with a barge pole if the head is giving preferential treatment to her friends' children!

And there's nothing wrong with him being attached to you - quite the opposite in fact! 2 is still very little to get independent! If i didn't go to work i'd keep ds at home with me until he was 3.

eenybeeny · 04/06/2008 10:01

no I am not trying to rush him through any stages. In fact I regularly wish he wouldnt grow anymore as I adore him the way he is!! And like I said I love the closeness between us. I just thought it was the norm to start nursery at 2 a couple of mornings a week and I didnt want him to be at a disadvantage. I am just trying to work out the right thing for HIM. I did not grow up in this country and all my experience is sort of borrowed.

All I know he is literally asks to play with friends constantly and he is in a right old state if he isnt with me. So I was putting 2 and 2 together and thinking it would help him. I will reconsider keeping him home til 3.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 04/06/2008 10:02

Honestly and truthfully, I think nursery before 3 is for the parents' benefit, not the child's. Of course, that doesn't mean it has to be unpleasant for the child but don't bother bankrupting yourself for nursery if you are a SAHM who is really going to be out of pocket by doing this.

Why don't you put the money towards activities that you and he can do together? That amount of £ goes miles....

Oliveoil · 04/06/2008 10:02

do you have a local playgroup instead of a nursery?

ours is about £6 a session, £14 for the day iirc (I don't pay as dd2 is 3)

but tbh, children do not NEED to go to nursery imo

mine only went as MIL found it hard having them both and the playgroup gave her a break

there is nothing wrong with being 'clingy' and there is plenty of time to be independent, he is 2!

if you can't afford it, why make yourself struggle when it is not necessary? tart yourself about at M&T a bit, find a mum you like with child, ask her for tea or to meet up in the park

Surfermum · 04/06/2008 10:02

If I were in your shoes I'd be looking at other ways of socialising him. I'm not sure the benefits of putting him into nursery are going to outweigh the costs. I'd be going to Jungle Gyms, Tumbletots, things like that and inviting friends round to play or meeting them for picnics.

I really don't think it's worth going ahead if you are going to feel sick and worrying about how you're going to pay for it.

eenybeeny · 04/06/2008 10:04

I must say I am glad to hear its normal for him to be so attached to me at this stage. I have had a lot of comments from other people saying I am not doing him any favours by the fact that he has never once been looked after anyone but me and DH but primarily me.

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Ilovebunting · 04/06/2008 10:04

I kept dd at home until she was 3 1/2, but did send her to a childminders for a few hours a week, which was £3.50 an hour, which was a lot cheaper, but she still got to mix with other children and get a break from home. And we used to go to the park with the cm and her mindees when I was at home with her. My nursery bill is £591 a month, so cm is a much cheaper option!

Oliveoil · 04/06/2008 10:05

dd1 is an insecure, shy, sensitive little flower and is a joy

it is her character

nursery did not change this a jot

she did socialise more but I put this down to getting older, not the nursery waving a magic wand

honestly, do not fret about your child needing you around, it is not BAD

theAfkaUrbanDryad · 04/06/2008 10:05

I don't know what the "norm" is tbh - i know most of my friends put their dc into daycare at about 12 months as that's when they had to go back to work - but i also know a lot of mums who kept their dc at home until the vouchers kicked in at about 3! and i know people who've never sent their kids to school and home ed them!

Oliveoil · 04/06/2008 10:06

dd1 is 5 btw

theAfkaUrbanDryad · 04/06/2008 10:08

also what OO said!

harpsichordcarrier · 04/06/2008 10:09

my local preschool is £9 per morning
this is quite a fancy pants village by the way but they won't take children until 2.5.

everything you are desrcibing is absolutely normal

eenybeeny · 04/06/2008 10:11

oh god. I think some of this has been misunderstood. I probably havent explained it properly.

For the record I am not trying to push him into being without me. I believe 2 is VERY young and he needs me more than anything else!! I dont think its BAD at all!!!!!!!!! I adore him the way he is and dont want to change him! All I was trying to say was that I worry for him sometimes. He seems fragile in certain ways. And many other people (in RL) have suggested its because he has never been looked after by other people. So I started thinking of nursery.

You are all telling me 3 is a perfectly acceptable age to go to nursery and really I THANK you for that. I am honestly taking it all on board! And will speak to DH tonight about holding his place another year the last thing I want is to push DS out of the nest so to speak before he is ready!

OP posts:
snowleopard · 04/06/2008 10:12

eeny - I think you're right to consider him developing more social skills at this age. My DS tends to be very attached to me and a bit oversensitive, and I think nursery is a huge help with his confidence, language, socialization, everything.

The free places thing sounds very dodgy - you are paying for those places! - but if you do really love the nursery and can't find another you like, I can see why you want to.

Have you thought about getting a job? (Am assuming you're not WOH at the moment, correct me if I'm wrong). If you could find something you could do while he's at nursery, it would pay for it. Is there anything you could do freelance?

Oliveoil · 04/06/2008 10:13

I wouldn't listen to other people tbh, you know your child best

what nursery is good for is messy play, like painting or glueing

I HATE it personally as muggins has to clear up, now I can fob them off if they want to paint at home by saying "oh do mummy a picture tomorrow at playgroup"

Anna8888 · 04/06/2008 10:14

eenybeeny - I am in France where it much more the norm than in England to put children into nursery or daycare before 3 (when pre-school starts, for everyone).

Loads of people rolled their eyes and made comments about my extraordinary parenting (extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, no nursery, very few babysitters etc) and how awfully difficult it would be for my daughter to settle at pre-school.

It made not the slightest difference - in fact, she is an extremely secure and courageous little girl who loves school.

CantSleepWontSleep · 04/06/2008 10:18

Blimey katylou - where in the country are you that is that cheap?!

eeny - having read more about your reasons, I think I would go with the childminder option. We started dd with one afternoon a week with one (who she already knew from a toddler group) when she was 20 months, and she absolutely loves going. If he is quite clingy at the moment then I think a nursery school setting could be a bit daunting for him.

We moved dd to her nursery school after Easter, when she was 26/27 months. They only take them from age 2, so she is one of the youngest there, but you wouldn't know it at all from her speech and manner, and they have commented a lot already on how bright she is and how well she does.

You know your child best, so go with what you think he would enjoy best, but without forcing him into anything.

SeasideLil · 04/06/2008 10:22

My daughter was exceptionally clingy and used to sob at around aged 2 even if I went to the shops for twenty minutes, it was terrible. I was worried that she would find school difficult, and I didn't go to as many social events as I should have, so was concerned she wasn't as 'socalised' as some of the other children. However, my mum was very sensible and told me this is quite normal for some two year olds, not to worry, and that the difference between the ages of two and three is really big (great mum!) She was right of couse, my clingy two year old turned into a very easy-going three year old who skipped off to pre-school and just loved it. Don't feel pressured to start nursery just because others have, it may not be right for your child (especially if it makes you and them stressed and gives you money worries), plus there are plenty of opportunities to socialise with other under 3's as the other posters have mentioned.

sophiewd · 04/06/2008 10:25

Our nearest nursery is a Surestart one and costs £18 a session morning or afternoon. DD goes 5 mornings a week and costs £357


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eenybeeny · 04/06/2008 10:37

well I do work 2 nights a week as a waitress - I go to work when he is starting to eat dinner and go to bed so he doesnt really have time to miss me. And I have decided I am going to start childminding which I am very excited about!!! I hate my job as a waitress its awful - I only do it because it allows me to stay home with DS all the time.

I already have a mindee lined up who is starting with me in October hopefully I will get some starting before then as well. And that will aslo be good for DS as he will have other children to play with when I am looking after them.

The more I am thinking about it the more I think I will keep him home til he is 3. I already do a lot to ensure he has fun things to do in the week but I will concentrate more on that for now. For one thing I dont think we can afford it (and we are TTC so will have more expenses soon!) and for another thing I obviously dont want to put DS somewhere he isnt ready to go.

The thing about free places - yes it REALLY REALLY makes me I know I am in fact paying partly for other peoples children. The other nursery in town is very good as well but this one just seems rather special to me. So I dont know... we will see where he goes when he is 3 but thank you I think you have helped me decide he wont go until he is three.

OP posts:
gingerninja · 04/06/2008 15:38

I agree that you don't have to do anything but just for a bit of balance.
My DD went to nursery at about a year old (yes for my benefit because I had to go back to work) however, she enjoys it and it gives her something she wasn't getting at home. She has other children around her, eats with them, sleeps with them, plays with them. Has learned to trust and develop relationsips with other adults and she is more confident (that was evident quite early). I go to a toddler group with her once a week too but the environment isn't the same. It's often different children and different adults each week, neither of which helps build relationsips and trust which imo is what builds confidence.

It took her a little while to settle but we're really happy and she talks about her little friends which is lovely. Even on non nursery days she will mention one of the children or carers ie 'funny george' who is apparently hilarious and lulu who doesn't wear shoes. I love that she has experiences that she can talk about and she seems to enjoy telling us all about it too.

Enraha · 04/06/2008 15:46

Hells bells, I'm reading this and weeping. I will be paying £71 per day, nowhere else has space and even they are £50 a day. Bluddy Lundun.

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