Suspicious behaviour by a nursery key worker

[Claymentine]

Hi everyone
I am posting here for the first time here, as I really need some advice. I put my son 3 years old in a nursery, he had two settle sessions. He is a calm happy boy and settled in well. I was happy until the second settle session when I went to collect him . And the key worker was not aware I was there. So they had served lunch to other kid but because my son starts the next week and is not included inblunch time yet she had made him sit on the floor by the wall alone. Mind you it's a small setup with 8 kids per key worker. So the 7 kids were sitting having lunch while my kid sat infront of them watching them . When I enquired the key worker if she could have offered him any activity in the mean time or take him to another room , all she said was i can't leave the other kids. I talked to the manager afterwards but I have a bd feeling about the key worker as both the days I didn't see her interact with the kids as much unlike her colleagues. Also while other kids had their backpacks hanged up on pegs outside of the classroom my sons backpack was lying on the floor in the middle of the classroom???! I need advice on whether I shd give this nursery a chance or change it even though its only been 2 settle sessions. DH says to look for another nursery .
Thanks.

Well she's right that she can't leave 7 children eating and take your son to another room. Also with his bag down it just sounds like she'd got him ready for you to collect.

Presumably when he's not doing settling in sessions, he'll be eating lunch with the others. It's always a bit trickier when one child has a different routine.

Presumably he was sitting waiting for you to collect him. Hence why his bag was on the floor with him. I’m really not seeing what’s wrong with the situation. She couldn’t t leave the other kids. And as a PP said, when he starts nursery, he’ll have lunch with the others.

Well no she can’t leave the kids to do something else with your DS. What’s strange is that the nursery arranged the settlement session over a mealtime without the intention of including your DS in lunch, when mine have done settle sessions the d always been given meals if it’s been over a meal time.

In my experience I’d say to follow your gut. If you don’t feel good about the setting I’d look elsewhere. It’s still worth a discussion with the manager though!

The fact that you've used the word 'suspicious' to describe the nursery worker seems a bit OTT!

Sounds like a poorly times settle in session. Doubtful that’s the key workers doing. Bag was likely not on peg as he was going home?

Keep your son at home with you. I don't know what you earn but nursery is expensive and he will soon start school so take the opportunity to care for your son for a couple of years.

Honestly I’d ask if they have CCTV in place. Not because you need to see it or anything but I think it lowers risk and given some events from nurseries recently I would now choose a nursery that has CCTV running.

Id say trust your gut on this one. Won’t hurt to try another nursery and pick the one you like the most. X

Were you late?

She probably has to go to work. It ain’t that easy. Plus nursery has benefits beyond childcare.

These are settling in sessions. He won't have a peg for his bag or anything like that just yet but equally, they won't be storing visitors' bags in the middle of the room. He was probably holding onto it waiting for you to collect him.

What time is lunch and when were you expected to collect him? It's odd that the settling in sessions would be done over lunch time as having a child not eating when everyone else is is a bit of a headache for staff. Were you late to pick him up? Were the timings awkward and this is all that could be arranged? Or was it that they were literally sitting down to eat when you arrived? I doubt your son was sitting alone against a wall for very long. Who do you suggest supervises the children who are eating whilst a staff member plays one-to-one with your son for the two minutes it takes you to fetch him?

Honestly, I think you need to give the nursery grace on this one and try to relax a bit. I know it's tough leaving your child for the first time but if you don't trust those caring for him you're setting yourself up for many, many years of stress.

I don't think the keyworker did anything wrong here. Are you anxious in general about your child starting at nursery?

You may need to lower your expectations. You won’t survive him starting Primary school otherwise (especially if he’s going to LA maintained mainstream!).
This just sounds like a poorly timed session, nothing suspicious about it. No setting is going to care for your child 1:1 like you would, there’s too many children to be able to do that!

Did you collect him late? If he doesn't start until next week sounds like a settling in session, in which case they're not usually over lunch.
As for the backpack, he probably just put it down. I can guarantee it wasn't there for the duration.

For many the nursery costs exceeds their salary. And there are plenty of playgroups you can bring them to for social skills.

Doubtful that nursery exceeds any salary now funded hours are in place.

Hi . I understand, and that is not what I wanted to imply for her to ignore other kids and take care of my son at that time but atleast could have offered him a toy or a book to distract him. Also I used the word suspicious because I was sleep deprived at 4 am and had overthought alot.

Oh he is only joing nursery one day a week and that too just a few hours . Only for the benefit of learning some independence.

Thankyou for your reassuring words. He is my first to go to nursery, and maybe I am abit too anxious as well. We got there a few mins late. And after this I am gonna make sure that never happens again

It’s a bit mean not to give him food with the others but if he wasn’t meant to be having it (had you filled in allergy forms etc?) then she couldn’t really do anything else could she?

When my dd did settling in sessions were specifically advised to avoid lunch time for this reason.

Sounds like you just have a general bad feeling about this key worker which is fine but nothing you’ve described is terrible or suspicious imo.

If it’s not necessary for your son to go to nursery, I wouldn’t bother with it. There’s plenty of time for him to learn independence ahead of him. This might have been a one off but I too wouldn’t be overjoyed about children being looked after by someone who wasn’t interacting with them properly. That can be unsettling and detrimental for small children who need connection and reassurance from caregivers to thrive.

You might find he settles in better going more often. One morning a week might be hard for him and nursery.

Hello
Thankyou for your reply. We were a few mins late which is why the lunch time had started for other kids. You are right , maybe I am overthinking here and there is nothing odd about it all which is why I have decided to give a chance to the nursery.

That's the only thing I felt heart broken over, that it is a bit mean to exclude a child. And yeah suspicious is not the right word here but it was a bit strange behaviour. I just hope this nursery is a good choice for him

But there might have been a good reason for it. I get that it’s not nice to see your child being excluded but obviously when/if he starts properly it wont be like that.