Moving, end of maternity leave. Emotional wreck. Is nursery beneficial?

[littlebopeep1991]

lol Not really sure why I’m writing this but just needed a bit of a vent and emotional support.

we are in the process of moving out of mine and my partner’s first home that we had together. It’s where our baby boy came home to. We are doing a slow move out into my mums house which was my childhood family home and she is only going to live there partially now and partially with my sister. The house is much bigger and gives us both a home office to work from and much larger garden etc for
our little boy so makes sense to move. We can’t afford somewhere bigger ourselves.

it’s odd as it’s the first place that has truly felt like my home (the house we are moving back to always had as it’s where I grew up and moved back and forwards many times) I think due to starting my family there. Moving back here doesn’t feel like my home now. It has lots of my mums things in and I can’t have things exactly as I’d like without upsetting her. We are living in chaos of
sorting and unpacking. Everytime I go to collect more things I burst into tears. I’m starting to feel like this was a big mistake.

On top of this my maternity leave finishes and I’m back to work this Tuesday. We had my little boys first settling in session last week and he was hysterical the whole time. It’s making me feel like I shouldn’t be going back to work and should be looking after him instead.

is there much evidence that nursery for 1 year olds is beneficial?

just a bit of an emotional wreck!

Wow you have so much going on at the same time, it’s no wonder you feel the way you do!

My 3 children all went to nursery at age 1, and it was tough at first, but it honestly does get better. It takes time, but they do settle, and the nursery starts to feel more familiar. The nursery staff will used to children reacting like this at first and will know what to do to help him through the transition. My children got to socialise and make friends, and do loads of different activities. They’re 9,7 snd 3 now, well adjusted and happy. I work part time and the money I’m bringing in for those days I can do nicer things with them on the other days. I feel that having that time doing something different makes me appreciate the time I have with them more, and it’s kept my career going.

Going back to work at first is really tough, I felt like my brain may as well have been replaced with cotton wool, I couldn’t focus! But it does all come back. Hang in there and things get easier, you get used to the routine. It must be tough moving in the middle of all this too, but give it time, maybe have a chat with your Mum?

Let us know how you get on, and I hope some of this is useful.

Honestly, no. There is little to no evidence that nursery is beneficial for a one year old.

There is also absolutely no evidence to suggest that it's actively bad for them though. There's lots of evidence to suggest that poverty leads to all sorts of negative outcomes so you're doing the best you can for him by working if you need to work.

Small group care is generally better for small children so if you have the option of a childminder or a nanny it's worth considering if he doesn't settle at nursery/you have concerns.

I felt that mine did benefit from our (small, very well run, with stable staffing) nursery. We don't have any family nearby, so I felt it was good for them to build caregiving relationships outside of mummy and daddy and very quickly I felt they also benefitted from the activities on offer. Realistically, I wasn't going to have a different sensory tray out every day at home (or go to a playgroup that had one more than once a week), have homemade playdough out every day, get the finger paints out that often, etc. – and my two loved all that. (They loved books and songs as well, but that we did do at home every day.)

I also found it good with my first for learning what toys she was ready for (duplo and a toy kitchen featured rather soon than I expected!), but a decent stay and play type group would have also shown me that.

I don't know about officially, but my son definitely enjoys going! He doesn't even look back lol, he's 11 months and been going since he was 8 months. He loves the girls there and they are great with him. He only goes once a week so my situation may be slightly different

No, it's not beneficial. From around 3 years high quality care is, but poor quality care is detrimental at all ages. That said, for most people it is unavoidable, so then it's a case of limiting hours of nursery care as long hours has been shown to have adverse affects on them.

A good quality nursery will not do any harm and they will keep your child safe and occupied while you're at work.

My daughter took ages to settle but she likes it now and I feel there are advantages, even from one. For us they are

• chance to regularly be around other children as I don’t have many Mum friends with children she could play with. I also like that she’s been with the same children most of the time rather than stay and play groups which are different every time
• messy play and craft activities are much better done at nursery at that age as they are a lot of effort to set up and they still have short attention spans
• chance to eat different food to at home. Mine has always been picky at home but eats much better at nursery.

Hello @littlebopeep1991 that sounds really tough with lots of change all at once, and it's totally understandable you're feeling overwhelmed. Moving house, going back to work, and starting childcare are all big things individually let alone happening together.

You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way, and there are some great threads running at the moment that we think might really help you. We’re working with the Department for Education to help parents navigate the changes to free childcare, and there’s a Q&A with an experienced Early Years teacher happening right now where you can ask questions or just read what others are saying about finding the right setting.There’s also this ongoing thread where posters are sharing their experiences of settling little ones into nursery - might be worth a look if you're after reassurance or ideas.

Anyway - we thought it might be helpful. Good luck.

The is no particular benefit for young babies to be in childcare. The children themselves tend to most enjoy it when they are over 3 years. However, if you choose one with good staff they will settle and be happy there even from young. The happiest babies are the ones that come about three times a week and do a core day (8.30-3.30 or similar). The ones that do long days do settle but you can see they are exhausted after a few weeks without having a break from nursery. Going too little can mean they don't get to feel comfortable with the staff as quickly so take longer to settle. Some babies settle from day one!

Babies can and do make friends with each other, even in baby room, and that friendship can last right into school if they move up to the same one so there are social benefits over time.

Thanks everyone. My little boy has done three settling in sessions and there doesn’t seem to be any improvement. Today we got called back after 20 minutes because he had made himself sick from being so upset. Really struggling to know if we should keep trying or not.