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Original poster

Rude parent?

35 replies

JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:37

Hello,

I'm a first-time mum of a 17.5 month old, and I attended a church toddler group for the first time. Most of the parents are lovely, and the children played (mainly with the toys than each other). My son is an active child and very interested in things. Anytime he took a toy off a child, I'd step in and say "that's so-and-so's for the moment let's look at something else, or let's try to play together". The parents of those children were very chill.

Another child was walking with a walker (not needing it for support) and the mums with her and my son tried to take the toy. More so, he puts his on it. Before I could say anything, the lady said to my son "It's Poppy's turn right now and take his hand off and said you have to wait". My body froze to say something, and I was quite annoyed because she didn't say it in the most friendly manner. 10 seconds later this kid is done with the toy and my son goes to get it and the mum goes well done for waiting. And made zero eye contact with me. Now there was her plus another woman who were not so warm and welcoming in general. Even when we left, she looked at me as she was looking back and didn't even smile.

Now my natural instinct would be to say something. My body froze. However, was the mum OK with do that or should I have said "I've got it. Don't worry almost to say don't be rude." Or was the situation OK for the woman to say that? I ask because I'm a first-time mum, but I also don't want people to be rude in situations that involve my children.

OP posts:
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ScrewedByFunding · 09/07/2025 13:40

She doesn't sound rude to me.

3max · 09/07/2025 13:42

She doesn’t sound rude

you sound like a truly epic drama llama my body froze 😆

the next 16 years are going to be hard for you Op and I predict a LOT of mumsnet threads started by you. All in agreement.., YABU!!

NuffSaidSam · 09/07/2025 13:43

She sounds perfectly reasonable. Obviously I wasn't there to hear her tone, but her words and actions were fine.

I would suggest if you used a similar words and actions your child might not have so much of a problem with snatching things away from other children in the first place. You might need to be a little firmer! You definitely need to intervene before he takes a toy away from another child rather than letting him snatch and then giving it back to the other child. Try and pre-empt the problem.

Toottooot · 09/07/2025 13:44

Non event and hardly rude. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ilovepixie · 09/07/2025 13:45

She wasn’t rude, you were weird! My body froze! Overreaction much!

Dontwanttobeanebsnamum · 09/07/2025 13:46

I agree the other Mum was polite and assertive. She used direct langauge with few words which is perfect for a toddler.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/07/2025 13:47

What’s with all the body freezing? I think you just need to continue going out and socialising with other kids and parents and you’ll soon get used to it. And relax the body a little! Everything is ok.

purplecorkheart · 09/07/2025 13:47

I think the woman handled it very well. Maybe you could take a leaf out of her book to stop your son snatching. And well done to her following up with well done for waiting.

Honestly if something like this made you freeze then you are in for a rough ride with life. Also some people are perfectly friendly but reserved and not super smiley.

Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:47

NuffSaidSam · 09/07/2025 13:43

She sounds perfectly reasonable. Obviously I wasn't there to hear her tone, but her words and actions were fine.

I would suggest if you used a similar words and actions your child might not have so much of a problem with snatching things away from other children in the first place. You might need to be a little firmer! You definitely need to intervene before he takes a toy away from another child rather than letting him snatch and then giving it back to the other child. Try and pre-empt the problem.

Ok thanks. It may sound silly ask. He's normally not one to take even when kids take from him in the park he's chilled about it and shares. I think I need to reword in terms of him with other toys. But he's a good kid with that. Thanks for the reply!

OP posts:
Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:48

ilovepixie · 09/07/2025 13:45

She wasn’t rude, you were weird! My body froze! Overreaction much!

I think I need to reword that definitely 🤣 in the sense I was watching the see.

OP posts:
ooooohlala · 09/07/2025 13:49

What would you have said if you hadn’t frozen?

Personally, I would have told my child ‘that’s right, this little boy can have a go when you’ve finished’. And that would all have been a normal interaction at a playgroup.

Huskymom · 09/07/2025 13:50

To avoid this happening I'd probably have stepped in before he took any toys from other children. From the mum's perspective he was trying to take the walker and you weren't stopping him. She also praised him for waiting so I don't think she was being rude.

3max · 09/07/2025 13:50

ooooohlala · 09/07/2025 13:49

What would you have said if you hadn’t frozen?

Personally, I would have told my child ‘that’s right, this little boy can have a go when you’ve finished’. And that would all have been a normal interaction at a playgroup.

It would have got physical I imagine! 😆

Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:50

ooooohlala · 09/07/2025 13:49

What would you have said if you hadn’t frozen?

Personally, I would have told my child ‘that’s right, this little boy can have a go when you’ve finished’. And that would all have been a normal interaction at a playgroup.

I need to reword that part it sounds silly when reading. I would have said "let the little girl play with it and when she's finished you can have a go"

OP posts:
3max · 09/07/2025 13:51

Dontwanttobeanebsnamum · 09/07/2025 13:46

I agree the other Mum was polite and assertive. She used direct langauge with few words which is perfect for a toddler.

This

The mum nailed it

Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:51

Huskymom · 09/07/2025 13:50

To avoid this happening I'd probably have stepped in before he took any toys from other children. From the mum's perspective he was trying to take the walker and you weren't stopping him. She also praised him for waiting so I don't think she was being rude.

She was right there. But of course I wouldn't have let him take a toy from someone 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:52

3max · 09/07/2025 13:50

It would have got physical I imagine! 😆

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🤣 oh my no, hahaha!

OP posts:
Covidwoes · 09/07/2025 13:52

I wouldn’t have given this a second thought OP.

Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:57

JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:37

Hello,

I'm a first-time mum of a 17.5 month old, and I attended a church toddler group for the first time. Most of the parents are lovely, and the children played (mainly with the toys than each other). My son is an active child and very interested in things. Anytime he took a toy off a child, I'd step in and say "that's so-and-so's for the moment let's look at something else, or let's try to play together". The parents of those children were very chill.

Another child was walking with a walker (not needing it for support) and the mums with her and my son tried to take the toy. More so, he puts his on it. Before I could say anything, the lady said to my son "It's Poppy's turn right now and take his hand off and said you have to wait". My body froze to say something, and I was quite annoyed because she didn't say it in the most friendly manner. 10 seconds later this kid is done with the toy and my son goes to get it and the mum goes well done for waiting. And made zero eye contact with me. Now there was her plus another woman who were not so warm and welcoming in general. Even when we left, she looked at me as she was looking back and didn't even smile.

Now my natural instinct would be to say something. My body froze. However, was the mum OK with do that or should I have said "I've got it. Don't worry almost to say don't be rude." Or was the situation OK for the woman to say that? I ask because I'm a first-time mum, but I also don't want people to be rude in situations that involve my children.

I should reword this. When I say my body froze I meant I held back to let it play out. Reading it back does sound quiet weird.

Also, I ask a new mum. My kids not a snatcher he doesn't just take toys. But kids do do that and when something like that happens I do and will step in. What parent would let that happen?

OP posts:
LuckyNumberFive · 09/07/2025 13:57

JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 13:50

I need to reword that part it sounds silly when reading. I would have said "let the little girl play with it and when she's finished you can have a go"

Show quote history

I actually think she was less rude than your reply above would have been.

"Let the little girl play with it" implies that your son is allowing someone to continue to use the toy, and that it's only his decision to "let her" that stops him taking it off her. It's just semantics of course, but worth thinking about. Her response implies that your son needs to wait because someone else is using it. Much better in my opinion.

Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 14:02

LuckyNumberFive · 09/07/2025 13:57

I actually think she was less rude than your reply above would have been.

"Let the little girl play with it" implies that your son is allowing someone to continue to use the toy, and that it's only his decision to "let her" that stops him taking it off her. It's just semantics of course, but worth thinking about. Her response implies that your son needs to wait because someone else is using it. Much better in my opinion.

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You're right there, thank you for that! New mums have a lot to learn 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 14:04

purplecorkheart · 09/07/2025 13:47

I think the woman handled it very well. Maybe you could take a leaf out of her book to stop your son snatching. And well done to her following up with well done for waiting.

Honestly if something like this made you freeze then you are in for a rough ride with life. Also some people are perfectly friendly but reserved and not super smiley.

Of course I agree with you last one. Its a beautiful Catholic Church I've been to a few times on Sundays, everyone was so smiley at service that why I was expecting it to be the same.

OP posts:
Slowdownyouredoingfine · 09/07/2025 14:12

Ahh I get it OP. By not giving you the chance to correct your son’s behaviour first it sort of feels like she’s judging you. Plus if she wasn’t friendly/chatty with you after this I would think she was a dick too. People will say she done nothing wrong and she was just modelling boundaries to her daughter yada yada but I’ve managed to assert boundaries in my children without scolding other peoples kids - ever!

Original poster
JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 14:16

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 09/07/2025 14:12

Ahh I get it OP. By not giving you the chance to correct your son’s behaviour first it sort of feels like she’s judging you. Plus if she wasn’t friendly/chatty with you after this I would think she was a dick too. People will say she done nothing wrong and she was just modelling boundaries to her daughter yada yada but I’ve managed to assert boundaries in my children without scolding other peoples kids - ever!

Oh my gosh! One of few less judgemental comments! Honestly. Thank you so much. You feel like the bloody bad guy. It happened in seconds. Plus he's 17.5 he is learning too. And he's not a go up and snatch type of kid in general. Thank you for your comment..I appreciate it.

OP posts:
LuckyNumberFive · 09/07/2025 14:52

JuliaHulia89 · 09/07/2025 14:02

You're right there, thank you for that! New mums have a lot to learn 😊

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Honestly it really is just semantics, nothing to take to heart, it's something I've just been trying to keep in mind with my daughter. I think sometimes we use passive language with girls (and perhaps the opposite sometimes for boys) and I'm trying to internally stop that. Just a different view point for you :)