My daughter was told to hold her wee

[Blueyberry]

I need advice please if I have to raise this to the nursery.

It’s my daughter’s first day back at the nursery after being toilet trained. It’s been days of easy and smooth communicating with her about toileting. She was absent for a month because of sickness. When I picked her up, I was told by the staff that my daughter asked to go to the toilet many times but did not go. I was told by the staff that she told my daughter “it’s enough” at some point, and that she has to wait until they are back inside (because they were in the garden) - she said that was about 20mins. And when they’re back inside, she offered the toilet but my daughter did not go.
I did not know how to react to it until when we got home and my daughter had an urge (she said poopoo) but she did not want to go to the toilet. She was saying “no” and that she was scared. So I did not push her, until she had an accident a few minutes later. A couple of minutes later, I noticed she has an urge to poo, but she did not say anything. I had to ask her and invited her to the toilet (it was successful but with lots of reassurance). And then a few hours later, she said “poo poo” but resisting again to go to the toilet. This time we reassured her and calmed her down and she’s managed to do it.
The incident at the nursery surely had made an impact to my daughter’s confidence in toileting.
I do not think telling a toddler to hold the wee or to wait is appropriate. She is only 2y8m old and she has only been toilet trained for a month. She must be feeling anxious as well because it’s a new environment.
What should I do?

They can't dedicate a staff member to constantly take her to the toilet because she feels like it they are not private nanny's

It does sound like they did give her a lot of special attention by taking her in 'many times'. Maybe the solution would have been having her join another group inside, where the staff were located near the toilets for her.

This is very well said. I agree, by the sounds of it the kid is tpilet trained. Moreover, that is right, waiting for 20 minutes is a massive difference. I believe the author also mentioned that the kid is a female. Holding urine for a female toddler increases the risk in acquiring UTI, which is not safe. Furthermore, holding stool cpuld impact on constipation as well whoch can lead to impaction.

I think patience and reassurance goes a long way.

I know that thank you

This is why nurseries are not the best places for little kids. Does she have to go?

Alternatively, can you leave a travel potty for nursery so they can take that with them to the garden?

Not taking on any sides here, but I feel like "many" is a word that is very relative. Many to me can be 2 times, whilst it can be more to other people. However, I do agree with you that the nursery should have taken a seperate group to go inside with the kid so that no one is deproved of any care.

Thank you! That’s the reason why I feel like I want to raise it - to know if they’re comfortable with their ratios. Not to complain or argue with the nursery.

It’s mainly for social actually.

Please don't be That mother. You have kept your DD off nursery for a month which seems a hell of a long time for a 2 year old. She is obviously going to feel a lot less relaxed there than at home, making it more difficult to go.(this will no doubt have confused your DD a bit as it isn't a problem she has encountered before at home) That is not to do with the staff. They can't keep on taking your DD in, because they have a responsibility to meet the needs of the other children as well. It sounds as though your DD did manage to hold it for 20 minutes so I'm not sure what your point is.

That’s what I’ve done actually. She had her travel potty the whole time, because I acknowledge the anxiety of being in a new environment.

Thank you.

Do you know their ratio of staff to children, and the different ratios according to different ages ?

Google suggests it's the following:

In early years settings in England, the minimum staff-to-child ratio for children under two is 1:3, and for two-year-olds, it's 1:5.
For children aged three and over, the ratio is 1:13 if a qualified teacher or someone with an approved Level 6 qualification is working directly with the children. If not, the ratio is 1:8. '

So for your daughter's current age, it's 1 adult for 5 children, now lets suggest there was 10 children in the garden and 2 adults, one adult is constantly leaving to take your child to the toilet - leaving the other adult with 9 children !!!

Hopefully the nursery has a higher ratio of staff than legally required ...
and hopefully no members of staff needed the toilet themselves / were on their break etc. and no one was off sick and if there was then the nursery managed to get Level 3 bank staff in to cover...

and some nurseries only allow level 3 and above to do toilet duty / nappy changes, not a level 2 or an apprentice.

You may want to consider a nanny for her.

Then I can see why they couldn’t use that somewhere closer to the garden.

It's madness that 1 adult to five 2 year olds is seen as quality care, and better for the majority than being looked after at home by a parent or carer.

I think the vast majority of parents don't think it provides higher quality of care than being at home with a parent or carer, but is instead the least worst option given most parents need to work outside the home to be able to pay for things like housing and food.

When I picked her up, I was told by the staff that my daughter asked to go to the toilet many times but did not go. I was told by the staff that she told my daughter “it’s enough” at some point, and that she has to wait until they are back inside (because they were in the garden) - she said that was about 20mins

Confused by this. Was the saying she needed to go and not going at a different time of the day, then later when they were outside, did she ask to go and they told her to wait until they got back inside? Or, while they were outside she kept asking to go, they were taking her in and her not going, on a constant repeat, then they ended up saying not until we get back inside, which was then in 20mins.

I’d have completely different responses for the two different scenarios.

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This! It was her first day back ffs, of course she needs some extra support.

I think you should just relax and trust the teachers. She's learning. It takes time and there are setbacks but it'll likely take in the coming weeks.

What about work? Or.will you be happy to give up working to facilitate this?

Could you maybe move dd to a different nursery nearer your work? It sounds like you don't think this one is very good, and your dd isn't comfortable there?

I think, whatever the staff did, going back to nursery after a month off would have impacted toilet training. I would give it a few days, tbh.

This kind of illustrates the problems with nurseries. Everyone wants their own child to have the staff's full attention.
There are other threads complaining about lack of supervision meaning a child was bitten at nursery.
Meanwhile one adult is in the toilet all day and another is in the garden watching 9 toddlers - and at least one probably has undiagnosed sen and needs 1:1 but it isn't funded yet.

I can also see an ' issue ' with having her own personal travel potty with her, in that is it appropriate for a child to go to the potty in the garden - with potentially 9 other toddlers around - what about the child's privacy...

and what if all other 9 children have their personal travel potties brought out into the garden ?
firstly the staff and children will be tripping over all these potties and they need emptying/cleaning so a member of staff then has to leave the garden to empty and clean as surely we don't want 10 full potties on the garden...