Formal complaint or not??

[Hyperquiet]

So one year old had only been at nursery a month and was bitten really hard on the face by another child.

It has been a month and the mark is big and obvious so I am concerned about it fading and also find it upsetting to look at.

At the time I signed the accident form without reading it properly. I was expecting the mark to go within a week or 2 as I hadn't dealt with this sort of thing before (even though it was really bad at the time).

I was told the bite was intercepted within a few seconds but given the severity am I right to doubt this?

An additional concern i have is the child has bitten before and so is a known biter and it wasn't prevented.

I have raised my concerns about the bite with staff in the room and with a manager over email but the email conversation was a more general email and included that topic so we didnt delve into it much.

Perspective, similar experiences and advice is appreciated.

Unfortunately normal. Happened to my kid. What formal action would you like to happen? They acknowledged it, filled in the correct paperwork and spoke to you about it. They can only keep an eye on the other kid.

Yeah it’s hard and it feels big and personal but no I wouldn’t raise a formal complaint. To who? And for what end?

If you don’t like that the other kid is in the same room as your kid then move and also know this is very very common so no guarantee it won’t happen again.

Spend your energy on your kid and not being that parent.

I feel for you. My little boy was bitten on the arm and the mark lasted for about 2 months, we were worried it would be permanent. Much has been a heck of a chomp. Just looking back at the pictures we took now and can’t believe how long it lasted.

So in my OP I wrote that the child had bitten before so I would think they would have kept a closer eye on the child already as they were a known biter.

Also to reiterate I'm questioning how quickly it was intercepted given the severity of the bite, so I'm interested to hear from other parents whose children have been bitten really hard and it has lasted months - and their perspective on how quickly a severe bite can happen too.

Thank you. I find it reassuring to hear that even though you thought it would be permanent it went after 2 months. I highly doubt this mark will go after another month, from what I've read it will be closer to 6 month (I am hoping not permanent but it is a worry).

Very very quick. Within seconds and kids are moving around. My kids ‘injury’ lasted months and rhe kid had bitten before and was known as a biter. No warning, no anything leading up to it. Nothing. Seconds. The kid grabbed his face and bit his eye. Drew blood. I know this situation and get you think I don’t which is why I basically dismissed your argument. Let it go.

It is helpful to have the context about your experience

Bites aren't uncommon, and even when a child is a known 'biter', nurseries don't have spare staff for 1:1. Someone shadowing the biter (or biters) would mean less attention for your child that could prevent falls or fights, less frequent nappy changes, less help at meal times, fewer activities and so on.

What would you hope to achieve from a formal complaint - what outcome are you looking for?

Not sure. It was suggested by some people to me but I didnt want to be rash so thought i would post on here to get some perspective.

I suppose just to try and establish how quickly it was intercepted and to get them to take it seriously with preventative measures given the child has bitten multiple times. To be honest I wouldn't be so bothered if the mark wasnt so big, and long lasting.

Lots of kids bite though, and what if they do it…once a month let’s say. The nursery can’t keep an eye on them constantly for them opening their wee choppy jaws.

Really, it’s a pretty common thing to happen. And it only takes seconds. The nursery seem to have done everything right to be fair to them.

It’ll just need time to heal.

If you want to know how long it took to intercept, you can ask the staff - but I'd be surprised if anyone remembers in that much detail something that happened a month ago?
Surely it will have been intercepted as soon as noticed...
Your child hasn't been bitten again in the last month - what other preventative measures do you want in place?

Thanks for your perspective

I would complain OP.
I know biting is 'normal' to an extent, but not to the point of leaving lasting damage and very evident bruising and breaking skin weeks / months later. Also huge risk of infection.

the little shit should be removed from the nursery if he's injuring children to this extent. Every child has the right to a safe learning environment and if the bites are this bad the children are evidently not safe.

They said a few seconds and it will be recorded on the form too which I was thinking of asking to double check given I hadn't actually read it the first time. I was initially questioning if it was actually a few seconds given how bad the bite was. However, another parent on here mentioned a bite can be severe within a few seconds and it doesnt always mean it is long lasting so that has given me something to think about.

Ah I for some reason read this was at school.

if it's a 4/5 aged child I stand by my little shit comment. If ot was a toddler then they're still young to know right from wrong. But my point still stands. Your child deserves a safe learning environment.

No nursery will expel a baby for biting.

They're not going to suddenly remember a month later that it was a different timescale to what they reported to you and on the form at the time.

I would leave it - I would raise it if i was reviewing next steps at nursery in a pretty casual way and say I was surprised by it, and ask how its going in the room with biting, how incidents are intercepted and if theres a phrase you can teach your LO they might use at nursery to help protect their personal space. You’ll get a lot from that conversation, I normally do. But biting is unfortunately quite common, weve had what i can only describe as a vampire bite mark perfectly round her belly button that lasted blinking ages, and one that looked like a love bite. Ive been bitten by my LO through my jeans and left with a mark - not malicious I was tickling her, she was laughing, it was an accident. They have sharp little teeth but I do think it will fade x

Was it a baby though? Nursery shed kids go up to age 4.

No they won't. I was thinking of asking to double check the form to review the timeline though.

Yes it was in the baby room so would be under 2 years old.

Thank you for tour suggestions and for being kind in your response. X

You can ask for a copy of the form without needing to make a complaint.

Thank you. Yes still quite young so I don't blame the child of course.

Will do this.

Oh I really do feel for you OP, it’s so horrible and you are completely right to not just dismiss it. After all we wouldn’t be blasé about an injury of that severity to an adult! And children should not have to “accept” that any more than we would. But unfortunately toddlers do this, and it really is so hard to monitor and intercept. My middle child was a biter, in the end I stopped taking him to playgroups as it was so stressful, watching him like a hawk and even then I didn’t always catch it. As in, it wasn’t like there was a build up, altercation, getting cross with another child etc, or any warning signs. He would be sat there playing with something, and next thing he’d be sinking his teeth into some other poor child’s arm, and the first anyone would know was when we would hear them wailing. It was so awful
and I felt terrible.

i suppose I’m telling you this to let you know that the nursery might have done all they possibly still, but still been unable to prevent it. Short of having one to one care for each child, it’s probably not possible. But that doesn’t mean it’s ok your child was hurt, and really bad biting is not as common as some posters are suggesting (believe me I’ve researched!) so if you’re really worried try a smaller setting or a childminder and that will at least remove your child from this particular child.