Am I being sensitive

[pinky16]

My daughters dad ( we are not together) was supposed to pick her up from nursery today at 3:15 she is 3 years old , but he never showed up and made no contact with me or the nursery to inform anyone , he's never done this before and I have never been late for pickup.

I was at work and had no idea until I answered a call from nursery at 3:22 to tell me no one had came to pick her up.

I know this has inconvenienced the teachers evening as she may have had appointments or anything ect and had to cancel because of this but the way her attitude on the phone was in my opinion very unprofessional and quite rude easing her voice and telling my to hurry up and speaking down to me

I then get to the nursery at around 3:50 so about 20 minutes late I ran up there as I don't drive and she spoke to me again in the most condescending way saying I know you work now ( which I have always ) but you can't do this we don't do that like she was speaking to a child I was nothing but apologetic and explained the situation and she kind of rolled her eyes at me and then speed walked past me as I put my child's coat on outside the door . I'm 22 and a first time parent is this normal , the letter for the late fee is £20 which is completely fine and I have no issue paying it but it's just the way she acted I'm feeling uneasy about .

She probably could have been more diplomatic about it but you're mad at the wrong person. Why are you focusing on how she acted instead of focusing that frustration on your child's father?

It sounds very rude TBH. She may have had a bad day or had plans interrupted, but the comments were passive aggressive at best. There's a polite way to detail disappointment, especially as that should have been a professional setting. She could have expressed herself much better.

Though, this should be your ex's apology to make - I'd ask him to ring to do so? And he should pay the late fee.

Other than that, I would avoid apologising again as this wasn't your fault.

Yeah that's not really on - especially if they know that your child's dad was responsible for pick up.
I imagine being younger (no judgement here) makes you an easy target for people like her to be condescending to you. Out of interest does the pre school close at school hours or is it open later? Not that it matters really but speaking to you like you in someway though it was acceptable is a bit out of line x

It's really really inconvenient to have to stay late for a late pick up.

It's not your fault and I would have made that clear but she's allowed to be pissed off.

She might need to get away on time due to her own family commitments.

You're taking your anger towards your ex out on the wrong person.

Did she understand it was supposed to be him picking up? You should have pointed out that you have never been late. Make sure he pays the late fee!

Look at it this way OP - if she's trying to rush out the door at that time, she's probably missing the pick up of her own child with absolutely nothing she can do about it but stay with yours.

Of course, you couldn't either, but in theory it's both of your responsibility to make sure the pickups are covered.

You’re annoyed at the wrong person here. I’m a nursery teacher and I wouldn’t speak to a parent like that, but being that late isn’t on and you two have to sort it out.

If she speed walked out the door she was probably on her way to collect her own child and may be paying a late payment fee herself.
What happened your ex?

I’m more interested in your ex
is he still AWOL
you let him off the hook whereas you channel all your energy in to this nursery manager

Exactly

I wouldn't have put up with a rude tone no

From the sounds of it it's not regular so there's no need to be rude about it

It sounds as though she had an important appointment.
I can understand why you are upset but the person you should be angry with is her father not the nursery worker.

You’re aiming your anger at the wrong person.

Make it clear to your child’s nursery that you and your ex are not together and let them have a schedule of who does drop off/pick ups on specific days so they know who to contact.

Tell your knob of an ex to pay the fine and to be a responsible parent.

So where was your ex?

What's his explanation and did the nursery phone him? Those questions are what you should be focusing on really. I'd also be sending the £20 bill to him. He is the person who has caused all this and inconvenienced you and the nursery. Your 4 year old will also have noticed she wasn't collected when the other children went home.

It's understandable for the nursery staff to clearly express that this isn't OK. How long has your daughter been attending? If it's not long they want to nip this type of behaviour in the bud.

Why are you paying the fine? It's for your ex to pay!
Why did you dash there yourself rather than contact him?
Why are you blaming the teacher rather than agreeing with her but directing her anger towards the man responsible?

If your ex is negligent and cannot be trusted to make nursery collections you will have to review contact arrangements so that he has her less and you get more CMS to compensate you for lost earnings due to him being a useless waste of oxygen.

It was not on for her to be rude or condescending towards you, I work in childcare, and there's been many a time when a parent has been late due to various different reasons, yes it messes up my plans, but I'm never rude to them or show them that I'm annoyed.

I suspect the reason that there are many times when a parent is late is because you haven’t expressed frustration with them.

Their time isn’t more important than yours.

Your anger needs to be directed at the correct person and that’s your ex! Because of your ex the nursery worker may be late picking up their own child, perhaps they had an appointment or a second job or maybe they’re just knackered after a long day. You just don’t know. This may be your first lateness however the nursery have likely faced this with numerous parents. They are merely being stern because, whilst you may not, some will take the piss. They’re likely trying to nip it in the bud.

How bizarre how cagey the op is about this ex and his role as causing this scenario

I work in childcare, I’m often understanding if a parent is running late and lets me know. These things happen. However, if they’re late so much that I’m having to call them then I’d be a little annoyed. My time is precious, a late parent is taking that time and often have things I need to rush out to. As a pp said, their time is not more important than mine! It’s not the childcare workers fault that the ex couldn’t be bothered to collect. It’s not her problem at the end of the day and nor should it be.

You weren't 20 minutes late you were 35 minutes late! That's a lot and quite rare for it to be that late. Not your fault but not the teachers.
Parents think it's ok to be late but it impacts on our time, when we leave, our own family life. Think about how annoyed you'd be if you had to stay at work for an extra 35 minutes

@Spottyshirt maybe OP is of a species that has 8 fingers on each hand? As in Hexadecimal (base 16) counting, the number of minutes late that she was would be written as 23 (2x16 + 3) which is more legitimately "about 20". Or in base 18 it would be actually one minute less than 20.