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Original poster

Daughter HATES nursery

37 replies

Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:18

My daughter is 3 and started nursery in January. She absolutely hates it she gets up asking is she going to nursery today and start to cry really bad saying she doesn’t want to go. It’s got to the point I can’t even get her out the house to go now! She liked it for about a week and she settled in fine after a week and was ok once I left but now I can’t even get her to the nursery gate. Any advice to help please as I can’t see her this upset anymore 😩

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littleluncheon · 10/02/2025 22:19

Why does she need to go?

FrannyScraps · 10/02/2025 22:19

What doesn't she like?

TinyMouseTheatre · 10/02/2025 22:21

Does she need to go because you're at work?

Toddlerteaplease · 10/02/2025 22:22

There was a very similar thread yesterday. If you ya e to work then tough. It's non negotiable.

fashionqueen0123 · 10/02/2025 22:23

Can she say why? Some nurseries are better than others.

Original poster
Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:23

No I can keep her at home with me, but I thought it would get her ready for transitioning to school but now I’m thinking I should just take her out

OP posts:
YellowHatt · 10/02/2025 22:23

Assuming you need childcare for work then I’d find a different setting. A nursery with a completely different ethos, or a childminder.

I wouldn’t call the new nursery ‘nursery’ either incase that word was linked with bad memories, I’ll say it’s your day to play with “[keyworker] & friends”.

TinyMouseTheatre · 10/02/2025 22:26

If she doesn't need to go I woukd give notice. She can get socialisation by you taking her to groups with other DC. She doesn't need to go to Nursery, especially one that is making her unhappy.

It might be worth changing though. My DC2 was unhappy at one and we move to another. Second one just felt like they actually cared about the DC and had interesting things going on. They were super settled there.

littleluncheon · 10/02/2025 22:28

Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:23

No I can keep her at home with me, but I thought it would get her ready for transitioning to school but now I’m thinking I should just take her out

3 is too little to go somewhere you hate when you don't have to. She has plenty of time for that later.

Try a different setting, or a childminder, or keep her at home.

Rainraingoaway21 · 10/02/2025 22:33

I'm not sure what sort of nursery it is but is there a pre school nearby you could visit together and see how that feels? It might be more suited.

If not can you meet with their keyworker and come up with a plan? Maybe see if it's an option to reduce her hours to say just mornings so it doesn't seem too daunting for her staying all day.

fashionqueen0123 · 10/02/2025 22:33

Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:23

No I can keep her at home with me, but I thought it would get her ready for transitioning to school but now I’m thinking I should just take her out

How many hours is she there for? Are we talking full time or the odd session?

I used a preschool which did 3 hour sessions which was a nice balance and set them up with lots of friends at the school on the same site. A few tears at first but then they loved it. I know my children wouldn’t have liked being somewhere all day so it worked well.

Original poster
Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:42

littleluncheon · 10/02/2025 22:28

3 is too little to go somewhere you hate when you don't have to. She has plenty of time for that later.

Try a different setting, or a childminder, or keep her at home.

Show quote history

Yeah I think it’s looking like keeping her at home for a bit as she’s to unsettled

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:43

Rainraingoaway21 · 10/02/2025 22:33

I'm not sure what sort of nursery it is but is there a pre school nearby you could visit together and see how that feels? It might be more suited.

If not can you meet with their keyworker and come up with a plan? Maybe see if it's an option to reduce her hours to say just mornings so it doesn't seem too daunting for her staying all day.

Yea it’s the pre school she’s attending just now. She’s got a key worker but she’s never been in for a while so it’s just different teachers so will need to phone tomorrow see what we can do as I’ve been putting her in in afternoon and just keeping her in for a couple hours but now I can’t even get her in

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:44

fashionqueen0123 · 10/02/2025 22:33

How many hours is she there for? Are we talking full time or the odd session?

I used a preschool which did 3 hour sessions which was a nice balance and set them up with lots of friends at the school on the same site. A few tears at first but then they loved it. I know my children wouldn’t have liked being somewhere all day so it worked well.

Edited
Show quote history

I have only been leaving her a few hours Monday to Thursday but now can’t even get her out the house to go round to the nursery

OP posts:
purpleblue2 · 10/02/2025 22:47

I personally hate nursery’s and I work in one so I don’t blame her 😂 that being said I wouldn’t send my daughter to one.

on the plus side as a nursery practioner, I love the children I have bonded with so many and it really is magical to see and be part of their growth.

They do settle though eventually we’ve had some children take a week and some children take a month or even longer but they do and they love it and learn so much and build friendships. I’ve got babies that aren’t even two yet shouting each others names and cuddling together etc.

purpleblue2 · 10/02/2025 22:48

I personally went for a childminder and would again if I had another child. It’s more a home from home experience and it is beautiful.

Original poster
Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 23:00

purpleblue2 · 10/02/2025 22:47

I personally hate nursery’s and I work in one so I don’t blame her 😂 that being said I wouldn’t send my daughter to one.

on the plus side as a nursery practioner, I love the children I have bonded with so many and it really is magical to see and be part of their growth.

They do settle though eventually we’ve had some children take a week and some children take a month or even longer but they do and they love it and learn so much and build friendships. I’ve got babies that aren’t even two yet shouting each others names and cuddling together etc.

😂 why wouldn’t you send your daughter to one? I was hoping she would setttle eventually but the first week was hard and she wouldn’t let me leave now she won’t even attend so it’s hard to know what to do.

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 10/02/2025 23:15

Does she start school this September? If yes, I would probably try to encourage her to settle for the 15hrs a week. At three they are usually ready to play with peers. If she isn't starting school til the next September (2026) I would take her out for now and start her again in nursery in September.

Original poster
Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 23:19

Tumbleweed101 · 10/02/2025 23:15

Does she start school this September? If yes, I would probably try to encourage her to settle for the 15hrs a week. At three they are usually ready to play with peers. If she isn't starting school til the next September (2026) I would take her out for now and start her again in nursery in September.

No she has just turned 3 in December so she won’t start till next year. I don’t think she is ready yet

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 10/02/2025 23:35

Maybe send her to a childminder one day a week, it is a more home from home setting and she can start a half day and build up to a full day, there will be less children there and she will have one adult to go to for comfort.

hoarahloux · 10/02/2025 23:54

How is she when she's there? Do you get good updates from the nursery?

Honestly, I've seen children struggle for months or even years to get through the door. It's horrible. We try to send parents lots of photos of their happy child playing, or we work with the parents to help settling in with things like early or late starts and pickups, parent visits, bringing comforters or special items to talk about.

Can she tell you what exactly she dislikes? Is it a stand alone preschool or a room in a day nursery? Is it too big and noisy, is it too regimented, is it too free and she doesn't know what to do?

You say her key person has been off for a long time - that isn't acceptable, she should have been given at least a temporary key person so that she has someone to bond with, that's the whole point of the key person system. Please raise that with them.

If she's this distressed about going in then it's worrying if the preschool haven't been working with you to help her thus far. Have you spoken to them about her anxiety? Who is your contact with them, if her key person is on long term sick leave?

Notgivenuphope · 11/02/2025 00:02

Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:44

I have only been leaving her a few hours Monday to Thursday but now can’t even get her out the house to go round to the nursery

Show quote history

Is she that strong/heavy?

lemons222 · 11/02/2025 00:30

What about a playgroup, even just for 2 hours so she can socialise and be used to being away from you. Could start with once or twice a week and build up from there

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/02/2025 00:32

Does she settle fine once there? If so then I'd persevere and use her normal hours, just a few hours is going to unsettle her even more.

TinyMouseTheatre · 11/02/2025 07:51

If she's not starting school in September I pull her out.