Page 2 | Daughter HATES nursery

Sam7691 · 2025-02-10T22:18:09+00:00

My daughter is 3 and started nursery in January. She absolutely hates it she gets up asking is she going to nursery today and start to cry really bad saying she doesn’t want to go. It’s got to the point I can’t even get her out the house to go now! She liked it for about a week and she settled in fine after a week and was ok once I left but now I can’t even get her to the nursery gate. Any advice to help please as I can’t see her this upset anymore 😩

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Original poster

Sam7691 · 11/02/2025 08:58

Notgivenuphope · 11/02/2025 00:02

Is she that strong/heavy?

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Obviously she’s not that strong/heavy. If she’s getting that upset before we leave then I’m no going to take her 👍

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fashionqueen0123 · 11/02/2025 09:04

Sam7691 · 10/02/2025 22:44

I have only been leaving her a few hours Monday to Thursday but now can’t even get her out the house to go round to the nursery

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I’d start with 2 sessions a week. Build up to 4 gradually. Do you walk? Take her in the buggy. Ask if you can stay for a session, but don’t stay with her the whole time and hopefully she’ll go off and play and you can see what it’s like.

Jen596 · 11/02/2025 09:05

I've worked in nurseries too, including a few i wouldn't send my child too. He went to a preschool instead, it was smaller, quieter and calmer. I would take her out, leave it a few months and then try her in a different nursery when the weather is nicer and there's more opportunity for outdoor play.

Original poster

Sam7691 · 11/02/2025 09:17

hoarahloux · 10/02/2025 23:54

How is she when she's there? Do you get good updates from the nursery?

Honestly, I've seen children struggle for months or even years to get through the door. It's horrible. We try to send parents lots of photos of their happy child playing, or we work with the parents to help settling in with things like early or late starts and pickups, parent visits, bringing comforters or special items to talk about.

Can she tell you what exactly she dislikes? Is it a stand alone preschool or a room in a day nursery? Is it too big and noisy, is it too regimented, is it too free and she doesn't know what to do?

You say her key person has been off for a long time - that isn't acceptable, she should have been given at least a temporary key person so that she has someone to bond with, that's the whole point of the key person system. Please raise that with them.

If she's this distressed about going in then it's worrying if the preschool haven't been working with you to help her thus far. Have you spoken to them about her anxiety? Who is your contact with them, if her key person is on long term sick leave?

Yes I think her key person is off on sick as I have never met her when she started in January. I went in with her for the first week as she would not settle, then she would go in herself for a week then after that she’d not been wanting to go back. I will need to speak to them as I can’t take her round when she’s that badly upset about going it’s her first thought in the morning as soon as she gets up. Thanks for your reply.

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Original poster

Sam7691 · 11/02/2025 09:18

fashionqueen0123 · 11/02/2025 09:04

I’d start with 2 sessions a week. Build up to 4 gradually. Do you walk? Take her in the buggy. Ask if you can stay for a session, but don’t stay with her the whole time and hopefully she’ll go off and play and you can see what it’s like.

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Yes I usually walk round. The first week I had to stay with her as she was getting that upset then the second week she was fine and would go in alone but now she won’t even want to leave the house to go.

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ChocolateTruffleAssortment · 11/02/2025 09:25

I would take her out I think, as she doesn’t start school this September.

for reassurance, my DD2 really struggled at pre school (still talks about how unhappy she was and she’s 13 now!), I think as a Sept baby she was really fortunate that she didn’t have to go to school until she was practically 5. She just needed a bit more time, and luckily she had it, as your DD will.

InTheRainOnATrain · 11/02/2025 09:32

If you don’t need the childcare and she doesn’t start school until Sept ‘26 then pull her out because it’s pointless if she isn’t enjoying it and I bet you’re stressing too because she’s unhappy so it probably isn’t even a worthwhile break for you. Does the school you hope she’ll go to have a nursery? If it does then your best bet would be to put her name down for that and have her start in September. Or failing that an alternative preschool setting. But definitely I would pull her out and keep her home until the Autumn term.

Notgivenuphope · 11/02/2025 09:32

Sam7691 · 11/02/2025 08:58

Obviously she’s not that strong/heavy. If she’s getting that upset before we leave then I’m no going to take her 👍

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And there is your problem. She starts kicking off and you give in. She is so deep rooted in being at home and knows no different. Of course nursery is scary.

Iloveeverycat · 11/02/2025 09:41

If she is not going to start school in September I would leave it. Mine were Oct, Nov, December babies and didn't go until the year before they started school. They went for 3 hours for5 days term time only.

Original poster

Sam7691 · 11/02/2025 09:43

Notgivenuphope · 11/02/2025 09:32

And there is your problem. She starts kicking off and you give in. She is so deep rooted in being at home and knows no different. Of course nursery is scary.

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Yes of course I give in if she’s making herself sick with the thought of going 😂 she’s fine if going to playgroups just not the nursery 👍

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Original poster

Sam7691 · 11/02/2025 09:44

InTheRainOnATrain · 11/02/2025 09:32

If you don’t need the childcare and she doesn’t start school until Sept ‘26 then pull her out because it’s pointless if she isn’t enjoying it and I bet you’re stressing too because she’s unhappy so it probably isn’t even a worthwhile break for you. Does the school you hope she’ll go to have a nursery? If it does then your best bet would be to put her name down for that and have her start in September. Or failing that an alternative preschool setting. But definitely I would pull her out and keep her home until the Autumn term.

Yes it’s the school nursery she is attending just now. I know that’s why I don’t force it she’s to wee to be getting this upset about something. Will try and stay in with her a few more days and see how she goes.

OP posts:

fashionqueen0123 · 11/02/2025 09:59

Sam7691 · 11/02/2025 09:18

Yes I usually walk round. The first week I had to stay with her as she was getting that upset then the second week she was fine and would go in alone but now she won’t even want to leave the house to go.

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Bless her. Maybe try again after Easter?