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Original poster

My child was treated unfairly in the nursery!

41 replies

Pinkyuk88 · 08/02/2025 21:35

Hi everyone just after some advice. My daughter is almost 4 and she started nursery 6 months ago and recently I started realising that she is being treated unfairly and continuously being left out of activities, which take place outside the nursery, like day trips. They always take small group of children but I've noticed that I'm seeing the same faces on the pictures from day trips. I speak to another mom who's child attends exactly the same number of days through the week as mine but her child has been already on 7 trips whereas my daughter hasn't been on any at all. The other day she asked me, if shes a naughty girl because she doesn't get to go with her friends when they go out and she always has to stay there. It absolutely broke my heart she felt the need to even ask me this. She's 3!! They have managed to make her feel like she's worth less then others in the space of 6 months.
I contacted the nursery manager and she supposed to get back to me but I'm afraid they will just try to downplay it and make it as if it was an honest mistake. I don't believe that for a second tho. I mean how can one child get to go on 7 trips and another not even 1. This screams intentional to me and now I feel like even if they try to make it right and make up for it, like all the trust is gone. I'm having some serious trust issues and anger towards them for allowing something like this to even happen. And within so many practitioners none noticed that she literally didn't leave the building the entire time she's been going? What are your thoughts on this? Am I being unreasonable but that's all that's been going through my mind. I feel so upset for her cause she doesn't understand but she knows she's being treated differently 😪

OP posts:
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BlueSilverCats · 08/02/2025 21:40

How are these trips set up? Where are they going? You say small groups... does that mean that only a select few get to go?

What do the kids left behind do? Who are they left with?

Reugny · 08/02/2025 21:44

If you have trust issues and anger then you need to find another setting asap.

I noticed with my DDs 2 settings she was taken on more trips than others. It was a mixture of timing, the fact she was happy to walk, and with her CM we paid full price there as others used their subsidiary.

Grumpyoldthing · 08/02/2025 21:45

Only thing I am wondering is have you signed a local visit ( or similar) to give them permission to leave the premises with her ?

or pick her up at a different time to others which means she has to be there when the others are out ?

or there are some additional needs that would mean they need extra staff to take her ?

Original poster
Pinkyuk88 · 08/02/2025 21:46

They choose groups of about 8 children each time and they go with one of the teachers and the bus driver( they have their own bus) the rest stay at the nursery with other teachers. But they do trips on weekly basis and children are taking turns. And they have had plenty of turns each already but my daughter is always left out.
To be honest the nursery manager seemed surprised when I told her how many trips other kids had and that mine had none. She said it to leave it with her but I'm scared they will try to just find excuses for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkyuk88 · 08/02/2025 21:51

I signed at the beginning that I agree for her being taken of the premises and can attend the day trips. And it's part of the program all the children get to do it, it's not any additional cost or anything. No additional needs or anything. She's in fact very happy easy going girl. Just however I look at it I can't find reasonable explanation for it.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 08/02/2025 21:53

Pinkyuk88 · 08/02/2025 21:51

I signed at the beginning that I agree for her being taken of the premises and can attend the day trips. And it's part of the program all the children get to do it, it's not any additional cost or anything. No additional needs or anything. She's in fact very happy easy going girl. Just however I look at it I can't find reasonable explanation for it.

I'm wondering whether they could be favouring children from deprived backgrounds, etc?

Original poster
Pinkyuk88 · 08/02/2025 21:58

I have no idea but is so disheartening to see her this upset. Her attitude towards the nursery have changed as well. She used to be so excited to go, now she tells me night before already she doesn't want to go.

OP posts:
Mumof2girls2121 · 08/02/2025 22:06

In my daughter’s school “the late kids” used to get treats if they turned up on time, the kids who turned up on time every day didn’t.

teachers are just odd

TY78910 · 08/02/2025 22:13

I'd email the nursery asking for a meeting so there's a paper trail.

Being devils advocate, if your child has only been in nursery for 6m, could it be that they were settling her in for the first 3 before taking outdoors which can be dangerous if child is not 100% comfortable with her caregivers, and the latter 3m it's genuinely not been her turn? They might have a system of some sort?

I think it's important to have the conversation with her key person / and or nursery manager before jumping to conclusions. If the answer is 'sorry this was an oversight' then I'd get the frustration. But if there is method behind the madness then I would listen to it before getting upset.

Quinlan · 08/02/2025 22:19

You’re paying the same as everyone else so you should be receiving the same as everyone else. She should have had just as many trips as the others. I’d be contacting them first thing Monday for their response, not “leaving it with them.”

Halycon · 08/02/2025 22:23

TY78910 · 08/02/2025 22:13

I'd email the nursery asking for a meeting so there's a paper trail.

Being devils advocate, if your child has only been in nursery for 6m, could it be that they were settling her in for the first 3 before taking outdoors which can be dangerous if child is not 100% comfortable with her caregivers, and the latter 3m it's genuinely not been her turn? They might have a system of some sort?

I think it's important to have the conversation with her key person / and or nursery manager before jumping to conclusions. If the answer is 'sorry this was an oversight' then I'd get the frustration. But if there is method behind the madness then I would listen to it before getting upset.

This is my thinking too.

I’d be really surprised if they were intentionally leaving her out. In the absence of any known issues, I bet there’s a settling period with no trips, then is just not been her turn yet.

Endofyear · 08/02/2025 22:24

I would wait and see what the nursery manager has to say before you decide what to do. If you're not happy with the outcome you will have to look at moving her to another childcare setting.

Original poster
Pinkyuk88 · 08/02/2025 22:25

All these children started the same time and in fact this child who's been on 7 trips attends nursery same days and times as my daughter.
She's the easiest girl to please and she would be more then happy to go out. As I said the manager seemed surprised when I told her it's been 6 months and she's not been anywhere yet as she should be. Specially there shouldn't be such a massive differences in number of trips children take?

OP posts:
100PercentFaithful · 08/02/2025 22:26

Mumof2girls2121 · 08/02/2025 22:06

In my daughter’s school “the late kids” used to get treats if they turned up on time, the kids who turned up on time every day didn’t.

teachers are just odd

Because it was an achievement for them to be on time.
Some children are lucky when it comes to their home and family circumstances. Others are from less fortunate circumstances.

anonhop · 08/02/2025 22:48

@100PercentFaithful yes, but this is SO demoralising for the kids who make the effort quietly.

When I was at school, you got a gold star if you improved your spelling test score from last week. Enough gold stars meant treats like trips. My mother made me learn my spellings strictly every week so I always got full marks. So I never got a gold star. Once all my friends were able to go on this trip & i wasn't, I was devastated. I started deliberately getting spellings wrong one week to get a gold star the next.

It was the same with star of the week & many other incentives. I completely lost interest in school by year 6 and became naughty & disruptive because I was penalised (compared to others) for trying hard & doing what was right. Now as an adult, I realise other children might have had other circumstances etc but a child doesn't see it like that- they see that the late kids get a treat for being on time whereas they get nothing when they're on time every week. It's crushing for a child.

TY78910 · 08/02/2025 22:56

@anonhop I like the way my DCs school does star of the week. They do it on rotation so everyone gets one, but for a particular achievement. So Alice can do great spelling in week 1 and get it, but if she does something else that's great in week 6, Ben will get the star as his reading has improved. Etc

TY78910 · 08/02/2025 23:01

Pinkyuk88 · 08/02/2025 22:25

All these children started the same time and in fact this child who's been on 7 trips attends nursery same days and times as my daughter.
She's the easiest girl to please and she would be more then happy to go out. As I said the manager seemed surprised when I told her it's been 6 months and she's not been anywhere yet as she should be. Specially there shouldn't be such a massive differences in number of trips children take?

I hear you. I just don't think they would intentionally leave a child out without a valid reason. Worth a chat. Also manager may not know the ins and outs of what each individual class is doing. So she will know the trips are happening and that 8 children will be selected because of XYZ but she won't be in the detail.

ForestFox44 · 08/02/2025 23:07

I would be really upset about this too and be chasing it up again asap! Your poor daughter that's really sad she is already feeling left out 😪 definitely email for a paper trail and don't let them make you wait ages to get to the bottom of this!

TheGodOfSmallPotatoes · 08/02/2025 23:20

Is she toilet trained? In the nursery I work in we can only take FULLY toilet trained children out for an extended period of time

WearyAuldWumman · 08/02/2025 23:43

Mumof2girls2121 · 08/02/2025 22:06

In my daughter’s school “the late kids” used to get treats if they turned up on time, the kids who turned up on time every day didn’t.

teachers are just odd

I worked in a school where the Behaviour Support Dept kept organising treats for their client group. No, the children didn't all come from a deprived background - some of them were rather spoiled. One of the worst offenders now has his own business, paid for by his father.

I saw a couple of S3/Y10 boys telling the HoD that it wasn't fair.

"No, no...You've got it wrong boys. The treats are for being good!"

"Aye...but ye've got tae be bad first, haven't ye?"

ThatsNotMyTeen · 08/02/2025 23:47

I’d be telling them I expect my child to be on the next set of trips or I’d be calling Ofsted

TTCJJB · 09/02/2025 12:20

ThatsNotMyTeen · 08/02/2025 23:47

I’d be telling them I expect my child to be on the next set of trips or I’d be calling Ofsted

What a ridiculous threat to make 🙄 Ofsted wouldn't even entertain looking into this and the nursery would know as much.

NuffSaidSam · 09/02/2025 12:27

I think it's probably an admin error. Now you've raised it with the manager they should be able to sort it out.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 09/02/2025 12:28

TTCJJB · 09/02/2025 12:20

What a ridiculous threat to make 🙄 Ofsted wouldn't even entertain looking into this and the nursery would know as much.

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Would they not? Excluding children without good reason is quite bad no? Are nurseries in England not subject to any kind of external regulatory control?

KilkennyCats · 09/02/2025 12:41

ThatsNotMyTeen · 09/02/2025 12:28

Would they not? Excluding children without good reason is quite bad no? Are nurseries in England not subject to any kind of external regulatory control?

Show quote history

Not for this sort of admin stuff, no, of course not.