Nursery issues: am I being dramatic?

[LydJ]

My daughter turned two in December, so she moved into a new room at nursery in January. She’s always been happy to go and enjoyed her settling-in sessions, but since starting in the new room, she’s been upset at drop-offs.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, so I’d love some opinions—please be kind!

Lately, she’s become very attached to her teddies and dolls and has insisted on taking them to nursery. I know she shouldn’t, and I always apologise when she does. The first time, they were fine with it and said she played with it all day and used it for comfort when upset. Today, she took two Minnie Mouse toys she sleeps with. At pick-up, I asked my partner to make sure he got both, but the room lead was clearly annoyed. She only had one and told him to wait until another day for the other. When he (politely) said no, she got frustrated, said she had other parents to deal with, and reminded him that toys shouldn’t be brought in—which we already know. She also claimed my daughter threw them aside the moment she arrived, which could be true, but at home, she’s very attached to them.

I have ADHD and have told nursery that my daughter likely has it too—she shows traits but is too young to diagnose. I mention this because I struggle with anxiety, and my daughter is quite anxious too. To me, the fact that she’s still willing to go in (even if she needs a teddy) is a big win, as without it, she screams until she’s red in the face.

A couple of weeks ago, she refused to nap, and a staff member suggested she might be ready to drop naps. At the next drop-off, I explained she still needs them and we were struggling at home. I asked if someone could sit with her for five minutes, as that’s usually enough to settle her. The same room lead got defensive, saying, “We do that, she just gets up.” I explained that’s normal for her, but after a couple of reminders to lie down, she does sleep—this is the case at home and with her childminder. Since then, she has napped there for one to two hours, so it clearly wasn’t that she was ready to drop naps.

Another issue is the lack of communication. In her old room, they updated the app daily with photos and key info. Now, we’re lucky if they even record whether she’s napped. Handover at pick-up is just handing her over at the door, and I’ve never even met her key worker. We never know if she’s ate, I always cook tea anyway just incase but surely it’s not hard to say she ate dinner or not?

They also send frequent passive-aggressive messages to parents on the app about lost clothing, reminding us to label everything. Yet today, my daughter came home in socks that aren’t hers—despite having two spare pairs in her bag that were still clean and dry.

I know these things might seem small, but since moving rooms, she’s been upset going in, and I feel much less informed about her day. I also worry about raising concerns in case it impacts how they treat her. At one pick-up (from the baby room, different staff), I overheard a worker complaining about a parent who didn’t like that they were telling his child to stop crying instead of comforting them.

Am I being dramatic? I know all parents worry, but I’m not sure if these are red flags or just normal nursery issues. I don’t want to move her again, as she’s already switched settings once when we moved. This nursery is a ‘forest school,’ though in reality, they don’t go out in all weathers, so it feels more like a selling point than a true forest school.

I think being upset going in tells you she's not happy in the new room and they've not facilitated a smooth transition. That would concern me above all. The room manager sounds impatient too. I might consider moving her if you can, especially as she's recently moved rooms anyway so isn't exactly settled.

Government funding is easily available, in fact it's being massively pushed at the moment. The problem is fewer and fewer people want to work in childcare and experienced, qualified staff have had enough and are leaving in droves for jobs with less stress and more money.

I'm surprised by some of the responses, my Youngest is coming up to 2.5 and her nursery update a care diary on tapestry the days she attends, this tells me what time she has napped and for how long, whether she has eaten her meals and what she has had and also nappy changes. My eldest went to the same nursery and they provided those updates right up until she left for school, albeit on paper format back then. We do try to avoid toys, but she has her favourite spare one with her, generally it stays in her bag unless needed. So, I don't think you are being unreasonable

Short answer, yes, you are.

Toddler rooms and baby rooms are very different! The ratio changes and the children become much more demanding in the sense that they are testing their boundaries, learning to share, are still very physical with one another ie pushing, biting, hitting and need close supervision with their interactions. They are often defiant and their favorite word is 'No!'.

Staff don't get the time to write updates as easily in books/online as they do in a baby room when more staff and more sleepers mean the non childcare parts of the job can get done. That said, a reasonable verbal handover should be given and you should be able to request info about whether they ate well etc.

Children bringing in own toys is always a pain. They are clingy with them, it can actually stop them developing confidence if they are over reliant on them, they get lost, they cause arguments! We allow comfort objects for nap time but they have stay in their bed bags the rest of the time so they don't get lost. Obviously an upset or poorly child will get their comfort object if needed. I'd tell your child they can't bring toys in or pick one that is for nursery but others stay at home. These will become more recognisable as hers rather than just nursery toys. It's easy to pack away a toy you don't know belongs to someone.