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DD went for her trial morning at nursery this morning, i feel bad advice needed for tomorrow....

32 replies

ScoobyDoo · 14/04/2008 14:30

DD went for 2 hours, first time she has really been away from me, she was fine when she got there, i stayed for a little & then told her i was going, gave her & kiss & a cuddle & said bye bye.

I then returned 2 hours later, they said the last half hour she had been upset & asking for mummy i walked in & she was sitting on one of the staffs lap really sad, she saw me lept of her lap & ran towards me shouting mummy mummy really loud & she burst into tears, it tore my heart in to, i think she honetly thought i was not going to return & it was like utter relief from her to see me.

She then would not let me out of her site & held me very tight.

I now know that when tomorrow morning comes it is going to be very very hard & again is going to break my heart, she is also ment to be going for 4hrs tomorrow.

What can i do to help her? should i leave her for the 4 hours? i must say this is really hard & is now making me feel very bad.

Any advice welcome, dd is 2.3 by the way

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ruddynorah · 14/04/2008 14:33

talk about it a lot at home. ring relatives so she can tell them all the things she did/drew/made etc. talk about the staff there. maybe draw a picture at home to give them next time. just basicaly talk about it a lot!

WanderingTrolley · 14/04/2008 14:34

Is this nursery because you are working, or nursery/playgroup?

Leaving quickly with a kiss and a cuddle is better than a long protracted goodbye ime. Shame for you, though. I would leave her for less than 4 hours tomorrow, if you can.

Can you ask her to look after something for you while she's there - Mummy's keys (not real ones!) or an old purse etc? Promise treats on the way home. Explain what you are doing and how boring it will be for dd. Ask her to make you something.

chocolateshoes · 14/04/2008 14:34

A tip I read on her onece was to give your DD something of yours to look after so that she knows you will come back. My Ds had his first taster session last week and was fine but, like you, I am worried that next time being a longer stretch he will get upset as the time passes and I still haven't returned. I've got a big beaded bracelet that I often wear so thought I might ask him to look after that if necessary. It is so hard isn't it.

Sorry I haven't got any more advice - I'm in a similar situation to you - doing this for the first time!

FromGirders · 14/04/2008 14:37

Find out what the routine at the nursery is, and reassure her that you will be back after story time / snack whaterver is the last thing. Mine used to get concerned about how long I was going away for, but when you explain that they're going to play, then have a snack, then do painting, then have storytime and you'll be back after that, it's more understandable for them.
Worked for me anyway, hope she enjoys it more tomorrow.

windygalestoday · 14/04/2008 14:39

my ds was the same and it upset me leaving him but generally they will phone you if th child gets too upset a tip i used with my ds was i used to leve a lipstick kiss on his hand so he knew my kisses lasted all day- really to be fair you HAVE to just grit your teeth and do it for the first few dys to give it a fair shot if by next weds shes still the same then think bout another option or wy of addressing it but she will probably cry tomorrow its a shock but hopefully in a few days she will know more of the routine and will feel more settled.

dont do the long goodbye business in fact i usedto say i have to go to the drs so im just going to hang your coat up then im going ok ill be back in a little bit when youve had snack -by being matter of fact you are giving the signal this must happen heres what we are doing ......good luck x

windygalestoday · 14/04/2008 14:41

ps im nursery nurse and its rre for a child to cry continully they soon get distracted but the first few days are hard.

ScoobyDoo · 14/04/2008 14:46

Thank you some great ideas, i think she just thought mummy had gone & was not coming back, i have been saying about it & talking to her & say you go to nursery tomorrow, dd says "no" we have talked about the painting she done & i have pinned it to the fridge.

I am not at work this week but am off to work next week, good job really! she is only going to be doing tues,weds 9-1pm my mum is having her on a thursday she will be fine with my mum as they are very close.

Tomorrow she is staying for lunch though, i just know that when i go in there tomorrow she is going to hold onto me, bless her, i was so upset when she saw me & screamed mummy i actually shed some tears

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ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 08:34

Oh blimey well we will be leaving in about 20 minutes, I have said to dd you go to nursery, have some lunch, mummy go home & do the hoovering & then pick you up, she says "no" then mummy "up"

I am dreading taking her, i know it's going to be awful but i have to try, do you think she will be ok for 4 hours? she only managed 2 yesterday & the last 30 mins was upset.

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amidaiwish · 15/04/2008 08:39

you just have to take her, cheery goodbye and go.

do go through the routine - you'll play, have a snack, go outside, lunch then mummy will come again.

how old is she? If she can tell the time or recognise numbers, say you'll be back when the big hand / little hand reach 12 or whatever.

all this will reassure her you'll be back soon.

she'll be fine you know!

seeker · 15/04/2008 08:40

Do you need to take her? If you don't, then don't.

If you do, then perhaps 2 hours is too long for he first time. Maybe leave her for half an hour or so for a while then gradually build it up?

donbean · 15/04/2008 08:45

i have a freind who scaled a 6 foot wall to check on her child for the first week after leaving him at nursery for the first time.
personally, i cried all the way home...walking.....past people i was so upset. clock watched, wringing my hands, stomache in nots for 2.5 hours.

fast forward 2 weeks and lots of me picking him up from the nursery staffs knees with a woefull sad face, tears streaking and me questioning is this the right thing to do for him....(he was 2.3)But then he found his feet and confidence and he ran ahead of me....i had to find him in the place so that i could give him a kiss bye bye!!
Mine had never been away from me either.
It was very upsetting and traumatic BUT it is short lived, wont last long and the positives of sending her there are so great that you need to just bite your lip and keep it up.
Honestly, every thing you describe is absolutely normal for both you and her.

ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 08:48

Unfortunatly she does need to go as i am starting work next week so am trying to get her settled this week, she will be going on a tuesday & wednesday 9-1pm she only went yesterday for a 2 hour trial to see how she got on.

she is only 2.3 so still very little, she sort of understands & i am trying to get it into her head that mummy will be back to pick her up as i think she thought i had left her forever yesterday.

I better go but will report back in about 20 mins, oh god this is awful.

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Scampmum · 15/04/2008 08:51

Good luck, you poor thing. Try and hold it together whilst she's watching as she'll get more upset if she sees you upset (no pressure!).

ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 09:36

Well we went & in the car in the way when we got to the road, she shouted no, i said it would be fun & she can do mummy a painting & tried to make her happy, she seemed ok with my answer.

We walked in & she went a bit shy, fingers went to mouth & she stood still so i was holding her hand, walked her to a little boy & a car garage, she started to play so i said ok mummy's going now give me a big kiss & cuddle & mummy will be ack later to pick you up.

She was ok until i went to walk off, she got up & wanted to follow me, the teacher was there & said lets go over here X so i kept walking & did not look back.

God it's so hard, i told them if she was upset for a long time please to call me as she is there for 4 hours today, they said they had discussed it & thats what they were going to do anyway.

So we shall see, i pray she will be ok, bless her, this parenting lark is so so hard, i feel quit emotional.

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ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 09:37

donbean your friend scaleing the 6 foot fence made me laugh, i can just picture it, there is a 6 foot fence all round this place, i was thinking of having a peek

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amidaiwish · 15/04/2008 09:43

glad it went ok, that really was quite good for day 2 you know.

sounds like the teachers are caring - had discussed it and had a plan, they went for a good distraction technique when you were actually going. all good signs.

the first time i left DD1 at nursery i went to the gym and sobbed on the treadmill for 40 minutes.

the first time i left DD2 (very distraught) i went straight to starbucks, bought a paper and enjoyed my latte in peace. Oh how we toughen up!

Scampmum · 15/04/2008 11:08

I think that's good for day 2 - DD (2) occasionally does that and she has been at the same nursery for 18 months!!

ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 11:17

Phew i feel slightly relieved it's now 11.15am & had no phone call so seems all may be well, she is having hot dinners at 12 so she will love that as loves food

I remember ds going to nursery at 2.6 years & he used to cry when i left by they said he was fine 2 minutes after, i actually thought dd was going to be worse than this as she can be very shy & likes to have me around all the time, unless with dp or my mum.

Will let you know what they say when i get her at 1pm & make sure i do alot of talking about it & explaining she is going back tomorrow as i think it may have helped.

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WanderingTrolley · 15/04/2008 11:24

I've worked in nurseries, playgroups and the like: children who cry on separation do so for a minute or two and then stop. This is true of nearly all children - eg your ds.

They sometimes burst into tears on your return not because they've had a dreadful time, but because they're a bit overwhelmed at how pleased they are to see you.

ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 11:32

Thanks wanderingTolley that is exactly how dd's tears seemed yesterday total relief to see me again

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windygalestoday · 15/04/2008 12:47

scooby sounds like shes ok ish today remember tomorrow might not be as good but you must keep it up now or else you will have to restart all this again at a later date.

ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 13:40

Well went in, as i walked through the door she was playing & she saw me, big smiles and a "Muummmmmmy" she ran over & gave me big kisses & ds is well, they said she was upset when i left & she sat with one of the staff girls who stroked her head, when she looked dd had gone to sleep she said she slept for 40 minutes & was really happy when she woke up

I will keep talking about it tonight & see how she gets on tomorrow but am hoping it will be ok, i expect ups & downs but i hope after a while she realises it's fun & mummy always comes back at the end

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WanderingTrolley · 15/04/2008 15:31

THat's great news, Scoobs!

ScoobyDoo · 16/04/2008 10:56

Went back a few steps this morning, toke dd in to nursery she was griped to my hand tight, walked her over to the toys & things, she started to play, then i said say goodbye to mummy & mummy will be back to pick you up after lunch, by which point she grabed my hand again & said no.

She said pick me up mummy, i said yes i will after lunch darling.

I then went to walk out but she followed my crying, so the teacher had to hol her while she screamed & i just had to walk, she was crying & screaming mummy, mummy it broke my heart, god this is so hard

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amidaiwish · 16/04/2008 13:46

oh dear, have you picked her up now? how was she?

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