Exclusion from nursery

[Rabbitsarebraver]

What does it take to be excluded from a private childcare setting?

My daughter (almost 3) is constantly being attacked by another child the same age. By attacked I mean bitten, chunks of her hair pulled out, physically dragged off the toilet, her leggings and pants pulled down while she’s playing. We’ve had all these reported to us on incident report forms.

We’ve already had a meeting but nothing has improved and we were told the setting is trying to support both children. I threatened to report them to ofsted (heat of the moment, maybe not the best thing to do) and I was told that’s fine because they are doing everything right by following their behaviour policy.

after todays incident I told the nursery she won’t be returning but realistically I’m so scared. I have no alternative childcare and I can’t find any where local with space. I’m a recently single mum, can’t afford not to work and have no idea what to do 😥

Part of me is also really bitter that I’m having to remove my daughter who’s been there since she was 9mo because of this child.

How big is the nursery? Can one child not be removed to another room?

Also, they should allocate staff so that they are not left alone together in situations where problems can arise.

Do you know the other child and whether they have problems all round?

How awful. Have you photographed her injuries? I suggest you post them to FB to discourage others from letting their kids join the nursery. I’m sure the bad publicity will be the onus for them to exclude him.

It’s just one big toddler room. They said they can split them up when doing set activities but not free flow play which they do 80% of the day.

My best friends little girl also goes to the same nursery and they’ve had a few incidents you’d expect in a toddler room but nothing like we have so I really don’t know whether she’s being targeted or not.

@GoodnightAdeline I have photographed all the bites and some marks left on her neck last week when she was grabbed. I also asked for any more incidents to be photographed at the time as a lot of the marks have gone down by the time I collect her.

Is it an independent or part of a bigger group? If the latter you need to complain in writing further up the chain and failing that, yes ofsted is a good bet regardless of what they say.

You should absolutly go to Ofstead and no they are not doing everything they can.
They have failed your child massiy.
I would also pursue Social services

You don't need to give a shit what or how they help the other child.
You child is being mentally and physically (and you can argue sexually) abused every day.

If you can pull her out I would. If you can't you demand a 1-1 with your child to protect them and the other child kept in another room or area.

Photograph every single mark. Demand reports. Who, what, where are why.

It’s 1 of 3 settings but it’s not a chain, all family ran. I think ofsteds my next step as I don’t think it’s being handled how it should be. I did email the ‘line manager’ who I think is the owner too but she just said exactly what the nursery manager said, that they are following their behaviour policy.

That's where its hard because if they can show Ofsted they're following the behaviour policy then is there much can be done? I don't know how ofsted work anymore as a lot of complaints are dealt with over the phone though guess depends on what the complaint is about

Have you got a copy of the behaviour policy?

Know where I work when we've had cases then there's forms filled in for the child so can see if there is a patten. Meetings,actions set etc and then if feel necessary outside agencies. Not known any to be excluded but some have had hours reduced. Where possible there has been 1-1 put in place but not always possible due to staffing etc but of staff are aware they should be monitoring it.

I'd threaten ofsted and I'd also threaten to go public. It's absolutely appalling your child is being targeted and to be honest If it was me - judge away - I'd be finding out who the child's parents are and having a word also.

I appreciate the nursery can’t give me any info on this child either, so I don’t know how they are actually dealing with it from that side. I presume this child’s parents have been informed and they are working with them to try and get to the bottom of this behaviour, but in the mean time my child is being hurt 😥

I don’t have a copy of their behaviour policy actually, they just went through it with me. Spoke about a traffic light system

Regardless of what their behaviour policy is, your child is still being seriously hurt
So they are failing.
You need to escalate it.

And I would absolutly go public, maybe not now. But if you have other childcare available or at the end.

If they replied to your email stating they are following their behaviour policy then you need to reply to that email asking for a copy of the behaviour policy so that you know and can see exactly what it is they should be doing, and potentially are or are not doing.

If both staff members have insisted that the policy is being followed & have put that in writing in an email though then I would assume they have evidence to back that up especially given your Ofsted threat. That being the case there is really nothing that can be done other than removing your child unfortunately.

This.

Their behaviour policy does not trump their statutory duty to safeguard your child from harm. I'd be inclined to remind them of that.

I just find it hard that any setting, regardless of their behaviour policy would tolerate a child acting this way towards another

This is awful but to be honest I don't think I'd want my child attending a nursery that was putting up with this! If they are this lax about this what on earth else are they lax about. It's a serious safeguarding concern and I'd be pulling her out as you have done. I'd have lost all faith in them.

OP, I’m so sorry this is happening to your Daughter! It’s awful.

I find it worrying the nursery have not given you assurance that the child’s parents have been updated too. They should let you know the parents have been informed, for all you know, the parents are none the wiser. When my Daughter had an incident at school, the first words out of her teachers mouth were “we have told the parents”.. and because the parents are decent, they worked with their son so he never did this again.

I would request the behaviour policy and thoroughly go through it because it certainly doesn’t sound like they are doing all they can. If all they plan to do is stick the kids on some traffic lights and send you incident reports, that’s extremely poor. It’s needs a massive update if their behaviour policy cannot safeguard kids in their care.

I would definitely report to Ofsted, regardless of whether they can do anything, I’d want everything to be documented, as high up as I could go.

What does your Daughter say on her nursery days? How often does this happen when she is there?

Big hugs.

@showmethegin I have lost all faith in them, I’m just having such a hard time at the moment and literally have no other alternative. She is due to go to the pre-school room in September so I’m looking into getting her into the school pre-school

Thank you! I will definitely be speaking to them further once I’ve got my head around what I want from them

In general she loves it there, has so many friends and loves her key workers. Over all she’s not massively traumatised by this happening to her, but she does tell me she’s scared of this child. It breaks my heart when she tells me so innocently that her ‘friend’ hurt her

id go to town with a Facebook post of…
how do parents manage when x happens at nursery?
we have had

1. date time event (as per incident report)
2. as as above
3. as above

detail all of them, if you’re leaving anyway, then harm them were it hurts especially if they haven’t helped you at all

If they can't control the other child they need to exclude them. I would threaten legal action for the injuries. And worse if they fail to control the other child and yours is injured again.

It’s not acceptable. You need to ask the manager what they are doing to safeguard your child and make it quite clear that they need to make sure it won’t happen again. The other child needs to be excluded if they are hurting other children.

Realistically, how can the nursery stop it? They won’t have enough staff to have a 1:1 and even if they did it can still happen. You can be watching a child, even holding their hand and they can still lash out unexpectedly.

Also should say she attends 4 days a week and we have at least 1 incident form a week to sign often 2, but these are usually only for more severe incidents, not pushing and being generally unkind which he seems to do on a more regular basis

Well if you can’t stop a child from physically hurting another on a regular basis, surely exclusion is the only option?

It breaks my heart when she tells me so innocently that her ‘friend’ hurt he

My heart broke a little too reading this. OP, this may be a bit against the grain but there’s two steps I taught my Daughter. 1) is to extend her arms infront of her, not to harm another child, but to create distance 2) to shout ‘NO’ very loudly.

I don’t know if that will help in your situation, and your LO shouldn’t have to do it, but sadly sometimes teaching these boundaries starts earlier than we imagined we would have to. Especially if the nursery are being so shit with actively stopping this before it starts.

Your poor daughter! I agree about ofsted - no idea what they can do, but it's worth a go. I'd also contact social services as the pulling down your daughter's underwear and pulling her off the toilet is extremely worrying behaviour. As well as being awful for your daughter.

I really wouldn't send her back. It's happening a lot, and none of it is acceptable. Can you ring every single nursery and childminder - not just where you live, but near where you work too? Will her father help at all with childcare? Any family who could help? Even just short term until you can get something sorted. It sounds an absolute nightmare.