Exclusion from nursery

[Rabbitsarebraver]

What does it take to be excluded from a private childcare setting?

My daughter (almost 3) is constantly being attacked by another child the same age. By attacked I mean bitten, chunks of her hair pulled out, physically dragged off the toilet, her leggings and pants pulled down while she’s playing. We’ve had all these reported to us on incident report forms.

We’ve already had a meeting but nothing has improved and we were told the setting is trying to support both children. I threatened to report them to ofsted (heat of the moment, maybe not the best thing to do) and I was told that’s fine because they are doing everything right by following their behaviour policy.

after todays incident I told the nursery she won’t be returning but realistically I’m so scared. I have no alternative childcare and I can’t find any where local with space. I’m a recently single mum, can’t afford not to work and have no idea what to do 😥

Part of me is also really bitter that I’m having to remove my daughter who’s been there since she was 9mo because of this child.

I had this with an autistic child targeting my child. My child eventually started hitting back. My child is autistic too but at the time wasn't diagnosed. They said they couldn't do anything about my son being attacked as it would be disability discrimination. Then when my kid started retaliating and preemptively pushing the kids away it was my kid they kicked out.

This is what we’ve been working on, and according to her key worker she does this and says stop if she has time, but often it happens so fast when she’s playing she doesn’t have time to register what’s about to happen :(

a lot of the bites she’s had have been from behind when she’s been crouched down playing and he’s come up behind her

I’m sorry but biting is where I would draw the line, once I’d get over but anything beyond that is really worrisome. Your poor little girl! I’m so sorry the nursery are being so blase about it, I would be reporting them for sure. Really hope you get it sorted x

Unfortunately it is very difficult to just exclude a child. I strongly suspect from what you’re saying that the other child has additional behavioural needs and the nursery are struggling to meet them.
Its not always quite as simple as a straight forward exclusion.
I’m sorry your child is being hurt. It’s really getting to the point where there just isn’t the funding or additional staff available to effectively manage children who need extra support.

I would request another formal meeting and go through the behaviour policy with them. I would contact a childminders/teachers union to ask for advice, they could potentially signpost you better than me,

in terms of the other child, the nursery should be exploring all safeguarding/SEN routes for the violent child and if they are, as is often the case, themselves victims of abuse in the home then the nursery need to keep them in their setting to protect that child from further harm/gather more evidence in order to help the child's family get early help support from social services.

I agree with contacting social services, the pulling pants down and pulling off the toilet is a hard line, not acceptable and also very worrying behaviour for the other child. This should absolutely not happen in nursery.

So sorry you and your child are going through this. Biting is a normal childhood behaviour but it doesn’t mean it is okay, especially as you don’t seem to have much assurance about what they are doing about it. The other injuries are definitely not normal. The child may have SEN and need one to one but it could be being ignored. The child could be acting out things they’ve seen at home, and nursery might be missing a safeguarding concern.

It seems like you have exhausted the nursery complaint procedure. You can complain to Ofsted, and if you’re happy to, send them any correspondence with the nursery and photographs of injuries. I’ve known friends do this and even get a call from the inspector for more information.

While the nursery tell you ‘they’re following their policy’ they have a requirement to manage behaviour in an appropriate way. That includes keeping children safe, managing the behaviour and minimising risks.

It’s not disability discrimination when another child is being attacked. The world has gone mad.

In terms of your child, at the meeting you need to request the nursery put a behaviour plan in place for that child with clear consequences. This will be based on their behaviour policy but tailored to explicit interactions between the child and yours, this should then be shared with you and the other child's parents.
This is necessary now, because the behaviours haven't improved and are repeating against your child, which is evidence moving into bullying territory, therefore needs a step up in response from the nursery, rather than generic behaviour policy.

I fully understand the nursery supporting the child and their family, and I can’t comment on SEN or additional needs as I know nothing about this child, however it’s sad my daughter is at the receiving end of it.

Thank you for all the replies, I’m finding them all really helpful and nice to know I’m not totally over reacting

In terms of what a behaviour plan could look like, you can google a few. I'd suggest contacting a school that have a preschool attached to it locally, as these will all have existing documents they can share (once removing names). Childminder unions could share too.

It is basically an explicit if A child does X Y or Z to B child this will be the immediate consequence (phone call to both parents, immediate suspension every time for all the behaviours you have listed above).

It will also list less serious behaviours and consequences, alongside explicit support/positives for the perpetrator, and explicitly state what any victim should do to report straight away. E.g. have a bell/buzzer in the room that a child can press for help, and have all adults respond quickly and consistently.

In my personal experience, nursery settings are not great at dealing with children with additional needs.
How this child is behaving is not normal and there's something behind it, possibly SEN, possibly safeguarding issues. their behaviour policy won't be effective in managing it. They're possibly missing all the signs of what's actually happening for this poor child whose behaviour sounds out of control. What's happening isn't their fault, however, it cannot impact other children like this. It sounds like they're minimising your child's experience and this could have a huge lasting impact on them. And your child won't be the only one affected, even at the very least, other children witnessing what your child is experiencing is traumatic, but I'm sure others will be more directly affected too. And the child who is doing this isn't being adequately supported, they aren't meeting anyone's needs here!
I would definitely report to ofsted, blindly following a policy, that isn't adequate to deal with this situation is not doing enough. You can also report it to your local authority's safeguarding team. And I would ensure you have a list of all the incidents and injuries to add to your report.
I would also be looking for alternate childcare. I'm also a single mum and its hard, you don't need to be worrying about if your child is safe and I think they've proven to not be a safe space for your child and you'd get peace of mind moving them elsewhere but it's not easy to just find new childcare and having to balance that with needed to work to provide for your child, this is a really awful situation to be in. But you're a Mum, and you will find a way to fix it, that's what mums do!

I'm really sorry this is happening to your daughter, you are absolutely right to be upset.
In terms of getting help for the bullying child, complaining will help them too, as this can be used as evidence to get that child the funding they may need for extra support longer term if they do have SEN needs.
It can also be used by the nursery to evidence potential abuse of the bully.

So it may feel "mean" to escalate this, but it is in every child's interests.
I would personally avoid a social media smear campaign at this point, as it could end up publicly shaming a child for their awful behaviours, which, if they are from abuse, won't help that child or their family.

But I also really strongly agree that the nursery should be doing more to keep your daughter safe, and that what is currently in place is not enough.

I would make this issue as annoying for the nursery as possible. What are you doing when they tell you at the end of the day about an incident? I would be asking to speak to the manager every single time. If she's (or he) not available then the deputy manager. If no one is available right then and there I would be saying I'll ask to speak to them in the morning. Every single time. Be polite but be clear with why you are annoyed. Because today she was bitten on the back. Here is a photo of that mark. Here are the photos of yesterday's punch and the day before's bite. This is a quote that she has said at home about how scared she is. Repeat that it is not acceptable that a toddler is scared of coming to nursery and you are expecting the nursery to work with you to resolve this matter.

Make sure you know the behaviour policy. So he was put in time out for Monday's attack but attacked three other times on consecutive days which the policy says is a 3 day exclusion. So you expect not to see him at nursery until next Wednesday. Or whatever the policy says. And call them out on it if you see proof that they haven't followed the policy.

If they say they can't talk about what they are doing with regard that child's behaviour insist they come up with a plan of how to keep your child safe and you want to know that plan. She was pulled off a toilet - how are they going to keep her safe in the toilets? Is she going to be accompanied by an adult each time? As long as you're focusing on what they're doing to keep your daughter safe, rather than what they're doing regarding the other child, then they absolutely should be telling you the steps they're taking.

Basically make this as much of a hassle for them as you can, in a polite way, and they are more likely to deal with it. I would be following up with emails so there's a paper trail but I would be asking for meetings every time there's an incident as emails are easy to ignore whereas face to face conversations are more tricky and they're likely to put plans in place to avoid having them with you every day!

Exactly this, great post.

So sorry you are going through this and your daughter too, if you have been through the nursery’s complaints process I would go to Ofsted as a safeguarding issue they are failing to keep your daughter safe. Not a nursery but I know of a childminder who did excluded the child you was constantly hurting everyone else as the other parents threatened to leave as they had had enough

Not any advice about nursery but are there any childminders around? Maybe one near the school you plan to use? Will this child end up in same primary school? It sounds awful btw & an adult would not be expected to put up with that at work so why should a child?

Just to give a little bit from the other side. I work in a nursery and we are seeing an increasing amount of children with behaviour issues, trauma and SEN. The government are trying to change staff ratios to allow less staff and more children when the opposite is needed. We are finding it increasingly hard to create a stimulating learning environment for the children when so much of our time is now focused on managing and monitoring behaviour and stopping children hurting each other. I can’t comment on this individual nursery but I would strongly advise against using social media as an outlet for your anger. I understand fully how distressed you must feel knowing that your child does not always feel safe and protected at her nursery.

If you've already told them you're removing your child from the nursery, and have nowhere else planned for her, I'd imagine you'd probably better check they haven't started the de enrolment process for you (not an actual word, I'm aware) before you take your complaints any further

Your poor daughter.
The nursery has failed to safeguard her, this is not acceptable and many would complain. You could always ask if she could move up to the preschool room early. I've had this before at a daycare setting .... and we moved the older one up by the time the other one moved up it worked out OK and no further problems.

@onestepataday says, I suspect other children are being targeted by the same child, possibly not to the same extent. Speak to other parents, gain their support and exchange responses to the situation. If several of you complain to the nursery, the approach and dealings with this child might change to benefit your child. Understandably you’re upset - a wider view from and action by others might help.

This is nasty.

So, my daughter will be going back tomorrow. After a meeting today, I have been reassured said child is on a strict behaviour plan, has reduced hours and the nursery are providing him with a 1:1 funded by themselves until they can see an improvement in his behaviour.

Not sure how it’ll all be on a long term basis but as long as my daughter won’t be getting hurt, I can relax a bit