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Original poster

Abuse of trust?

34 replies

jasper333 · 10/10/2023 20:31

If someone who worked at a day nursery knowingly started sexting the father of a child they were being paid to look after, also knowing that the father and mother were together and knowing both of them personally - how would they stand in terms of what they breached or abuse of trust etc?

Sorry I've not worded it well!

They no longer work at that nursery following it being exposed but they are training to be a primary teacher.

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 10/10/2023 20:33

If they took the fathers phone number from the records then yes, but otherwise no. It's not like there is a power dynamic in play.

Original poster
jasper333 · 10/10/2023 20:39

Just wondered what a childcare worker or teacher have as working guidelines or commitments because they have access to someone's child.

Be good to hear opinions on it tbh.

It happened years ago now, I'm over the anger but still get freaked out knowing that person could be doing it to other families of the children she cares for - clearly my ex was to blame more so as he was the one in a relationship.

OP posts:
echinaceadreams · 10/10/2023 20:40

helpfulperson · 10/10/2023 20:33

If they took the fathers phone number from the records then yes, but otherwise no. It's not like there is a power dynamic in play.

I agree

avemariiiaa · 10/10/2023 20:42

It's a professional relationship between a nursery worker and a parent of a child they care for. It's completely inappropriate.

Nursery/school staff aren't even supposed to be connecting with parents on social media never mind jumping into bed with them.

I don't know about the legalities but I would expect there to be significant consequences for it, as there is a conflict of interest at least.

LolaSmiles · 10/10/2023 20:46

If they knew each other personally outside of the work context then neither have done anything wrong by having contact. Obviously morally they've crossed a line as adults because of the cheating, but it isn't a workplace issue.

The fact they're training to be a primary teacher is irrelevant.
It sounds like you're claiming to be concerned that this person is a threat to other families, but you're really trying to find out if you can get your own back on them by meddling in their new career.

Original poster
jasper333 · 10/10/2023 20:46

avemariiiaa · 10/10/2023 20:42

It's a professional relationship between a nursery worker and a parent of a child they care for. It's completely inappropriate.

Nursery/school staff aren't even supposed to be connecting with parents on social media never mind jumping into bed with them.

I don't know about the legalities but I would expect there to be significant consequences for it, as there is a conflict of interest at least.

Yes some say what you say but I don't know where to log it/record it. What professional body?

She would take my 2yr old off me in the morning and look after him all day, handing him back to me and then sending nudes to my partner.

They are now together but I know that she is contacting other children's dads via social media (she was working as TA then).

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 10/10/2023 20:52

Was this at work? I wouldn't be concerned if she wasn't sexting at work, but at work, I'd be worried about a child seeing inappropriate message previews on her phone while she was working. It's obviously morally dubious to do what she did.

If she was sexting while at work and in charge of children, and I thought she was going to do similar again, I'd report them to the PGCE provider as it's a safeguarding issue. They should have had a reference from their previous employers to say whether they were suitable to become a teacher.

Teachers need professional boundaries and a good moral compass.

Having said that, I don't think you should be looking at what this woman who was sexting your ex is now doing. You seem to know far too much to have come by all this accidentally. Maybe move on?

Original poster
jasper333 · 10/10/2023 20:59

SisterMichaelsHabit · 10/10/2023 20:52

Was this at work? I wouldn't be concerned if she wasn't sexting at work, but at work, I'd be worried about a child seeing inappropriate message previews on her phone while she was working. It's obviously morally dubious to do what she did.

If she was sexting while at work and in charge of children, and I thought she was going to do similar again, I'd report them to the PGCE provider as it's a safeguarding issue. They should have had a reference from their previous employers to say whether they were suitable to become a teacher.

Teachers need professional boundaries and a good moral compass.

Having said that, I don't think you should be looking at what this woman who was sexting your ex is now doing. You seem to know far too much to have come by all this accidentally. Maybe move on?

She's now with my child's father, they got together not long after I kicked him out.

Ok so not something to follow up then.

OP posts:
volunteersruz · 10/10/2023 21:16

"""They are now together but I know that she is contacting other children's dads via social media (she was working as TA then)."""" is this still happening now? Teaching is one of those professions where certain actions can impact on whether you are considered appropriate to teach kids.

Original poster
jasper333 · 10/10/2023 21:24

volunteersruz · 10/10/2023 21:16

"""They are now together but I know that she is contacting other children's dads via social media (she was working as TA then)."""" is this still happening now? Teaching is one of those professions where certain actions can impact on whether you are considered appropriate to teach kids.

It was when she was working as TA pre summer this year. It wasn't a sext type message, a friendly (yet pointless) message about his child and how they are, think the child has been poorly/hurt themselves and she was making a comment to him

OP posts:
MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 10/10/2023 21:27

.It sounds like you're claiming to be concerned that this person is a threat to other families, but you're really trying to find out if you can get your own back on them by meddling in their new career.
This!!!

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 10/10/2023 21:31

They are now together but I know that she is contacting other children's dads via social media (she was working as TA then).
How do you know?

Original poster
jasper333 · 10/10/2023 21:40

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 10/10/2023 21:31

They are now together but I know that she is contacting other children's dads via social media (she was working as TA then).
How do you know?

Because the guy told me, cause he had previously dated me and knew the whole back story.

OP posts:
AgaMM · 10/10/2023 22:23

You need to move on OP.

She can still become a teacher even though your partner had an affair with her.

volunteersruz · 11/10/2023 08:36

AgaMM · 10/10/2023 22:23

You need to move on OP.

She can still become a teacher even though your partner had an affair with her.

she can of course become a teacher but she does have to maintain certain professional boundaries - we had a teacher dismissed from our school because of over-stepping boundaries on an instagram account, that students had then seen & reported to school. Most teachers I know are very careful about their use of social media.

Original poster
jasper333 · 11/10/2023 13:30

I just wouldn't like other mums to be betrayed in that way by someone being paid to look after their child,I believe if you're employed to care or educate children then your intentions should be good and respectful. It's not about me getting revenge on that person, the fact that she lives with my ex is enough punishment I'm sure Grin

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 11/10/2023 14:54

I don't think it really does have concerns about other mother's being betrayed, it's just that's the sort of thing that sounds "oh but I just care about the sisterhood" as a way to justify the fact you now want to report her.

She's sent a non-sexual, friendly (but in your opinion pointless) text to another adult. He's then come to you at random and told you for some reason? To stir the pot a little? Because he knows it will get a reaction from you? Because he knows you'll start stewing over it? I don't know why a man would think "hey you know what, I'll go tell my ex that her ex's new partner sent me a non-sexual text".

You seem to be very involved with her career pathway from nursery to TA to teacher training, and you're proving you're an easy outlet for gossip regarding her.

She's training to be a teacher now.
She'll be told about the expectations of her new workplaces and the teacher standards.
She's not in the old place of employment.
You really need to move on.

Original poster
jasper333 · 11/10/2023 17:35

LolaSmiles · 11/10/2023 14:54

I don't think it really does have concerns about other mother's being betrayed, it's just that's the sort of thing that sounds "oh but I just care about the sisterhood" as a way to justify the fact you now want to report her.

She's sent a non-sexual, friendly (but in your opinion pointless) text to another adult. He's then come to you at random and told you for some reason? To stir the pot a little? Because he knows it will get a reaction from you? Because he knows you'll start stewing over it? I don't know why a man would think "hey you know what, I'll go tell my ex that her ex's new partner sent me a non-sexual text".

You seem to be very involved with her career pathway from nursery to TA to teacher training, and you're proving you're an easy outlet for gossip regarding her.

She's training to be a teacher now.
She'll be told about the expectations of her new workplaces and the teacher standards.
She's not in the old place of employment.
You really need to move on.

Appreciate that and the other comments made here.

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 11/10/2023 19:34

it sounds like you're claiming to be concerned that this person is a threat to other families, but you're really trying to find out if you can get your own back on them by meddling in their new career

this. I’m sorry this happened to you but what you’re saying is totally irrelevant. There’s no one you need to ‘report it’ to

LolaSmiles · 11/10/2023 22:24

I realise on reflection my post might have sounded unsympathetic OP, but that wasn't my intention.

It just struck me as unusual that a man would seek out his ex to feed her that nugget of otherwise quite boring information. I just wanted to suggest stepping away and caution because he might be stirring the pot a little.

AutumnWellyBootsandScarf · 11/10/2023 22:37

I can understand how hurt you must have been by being betrayed by both of them.

she's with your ex now, so certainly got her punishment!!

he's with a woman he knows doesn't respect relationships. He's got his just dessert.

hopefully they both care about your son.

it's time to let it go.

it doesn't matter who a teacher is having sex with (well as long as it's not a student!!) you're justifying your behaviour, by saying it's to protect others, but it's not & you need to accept it's 'punish' her.

im sorry they did that to you x

Original poster
jasper333 · 11/10/2023 22:39

LolaSmiles · 11/10/2023 22:24

I realise on reflection my post might have sounded unsympathetic OP, but that wasn't my intention.

It just struck me as unusual that a man would seek out his ex to feed her that nugget of otherwise quite boring information. I just wanted to suggest stepping away and caution because he might be stirring the pot a little.

No I take it all on board, even the shade being thrown at me, I have a reason to be angry etc but it's now not all about that, as it's been long enough since it happened.

Thank you for your words.

OP posts:
Original poster
jasper333 · 11/10/2023 22:41

AutumnWellyBootsandScarf · 11/10/2023 22:37

I can understand how hurt you must have been by being betrayed by both of them.

she's with your ex now, so certainly got her punishment!!

he's with a woman he knows doesn't respect relationships. He's got his just dessert.

hopefully they both care about your son.

it's time to let it go.

it doesn't matter who a teacher is having sex with (well as long as it's not a student!!) you're justifying your behaviour, by saying it's to protect others, but it's not & you need to accept it's 'punish' her.

im sorry they did that to you x

That's really kind of you, thanks for getting it and being still being honest.

I guess it's all been part of a healing process. When something cuts you deep on various levels, it is ingrained.

If there's nothing to report then I will accept that.x

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 11/10/2023 22:46

You're well shot of the pair of them, op Flowers

AgaMM · 11/10/2023 23:33

Really pleased to see your last couple of posts OP. I know you’ve been hurt, and I can only imagine how much, but well done for realising your focus was on the wrong thing.

The feelings of wanting revenge do ease over time, I promise you.