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Original poster

Shortening / changing DS name

35 replies

Pearlg · 24/10/2022 13:43

This could be me being sensitive & PFB etc. I've been struggling with nursery sickness & general discontentment of leaving 2 year old DS into nursery for a few months now - he's okay going in but sometimes has a little cry or cling to me but nothing major & seems to enjoy time there.

Today when dropping him in he went in okay but nursery worker said hello & said DS name in a shortened 'pet' version if you like. I looked at her but never said- now I feel so stupid for not correcting her - I'm not happy with them doing this - how do I approach this- mention at pick up or speak to nursery manager? Don't wanna be that mum but nursery life is stressing me out & this has really annoyed me!

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AllBlocChain · 24/10/2022 13:45

Let it go. If the name can be shortened to something then it most likely will and you’ll seem a bit odd trying to stop it.

smooshraspberry · 24/10/2022 13:54

I disagree with the above. If her name is Charlotte and they call her Lottie, then tell them what you want them to be called.

'Hi, can you please call her by her full name going forward'

I understand that it's inevitable when children go to school, that they will likely gain a nickname from their peers. Until then, I will be telling all adults and professionals to be calling her by her full and proper name.

StampOnTheGround · 24/10/2022 13:56

Depends on the name, if it's a classic one which gets shortened Joshua to Josh then it's likely to happen anyway so not worth getting bothered over.

I wouldn't say Charlotte is automatically given a nickname, so in the example of Lottie then that would be more odd and annoying.

Original poster
Pearlg · 24/10/2022 14:10

I've thought about it a bit more & I'm going to say when I go to pick up- I'm the most socially awkward person ever- I'll probs come across as a crazy mum but it's not shortening of a name that's obvs - she def called him a pet name & I'm not happy with that- it's actually a pet name for a slightly different name so not sure why she's even doing that! Sorry being cryptic

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 24/10/2022 14:18

My DD2 has a long name and gets loads of nicknames at home and at nursery. DD1 also has a nickname with DD2's keyworker from her time there that has nothing to do with her name (petal, sweetheart sort of thing but a bit less generic). I see it as a sign of them having their own relationship, which is a good thing. When your DS gets to school you won't be able to control what his friends call him, this is similar. I don't think it's worth raising and making the relationship awkward.

b8tes7sw · 24/10/2022 14:20

Maybe she got him confused with another child if the pet name she called him doesn't relate to his actual name at all?!

falllakes · 24/10/2022 14:23

I'm not sure you are going to get far trying to restrict people from giving your dc pet names.

I would say something if their name pegs or books get shortened names put on them.

But dc will pick up all sorts of nn and shorted names.

IStandWithMaya · 24/10/2022 14:24

What's the name?

Epicstorm · 24/10/2022 14:47

Ex teacher. I never shortened a name without checking with a parent or at least asking the child what mum and dad called them. If they said full name I would stick to it. With children too young to talk I think staff should check with you patent first. I don’t think you are being ‘that mum’ if you
address this. It can be done in a nice way. I do think you’ll lose the battle once your child gets older unless they themselves want to be called by their full name.

Epicstorm · 24/10/2022 14:48

Parent first

FlounderingFruitcake · 24/10/2022 14:54

Is it because they/the other children struggle to say the full version? My DD ended up with a shortening that way. At the time it annoyed me but honestly it’s fine, probably inevitable anyway!

Prinnny · 24/10/2022 14:59

What is his name and what did she call him? Really hard to comment on the situation without this information.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/10/2022 15:02

Sounds like she got his name wrong

familyissues12345 · 24/10/2022 15:09

Ex nursery nurse here - I would say something, hopefully it's just a misunderstanding. Is it a common name? I wonder if there's a couple of children with the same name, some shortened and some not

toastofthetown · 24/10/2022 15:09

If your son is called Nathaniel is the key worker calling him a diminutive like Nate or something affectionate like Noonoo? It’s it’s a cutesy pet form, then I’d leave it. It’s it’s a diminutive you’re not a big fan of then maybe mention it if you want to stop (but accept that your child might prefer it in the end).

JenniferBarkley · 24/10/2022 15:22

Epicstorm · 24/10/2022 14:47

Ex teacher. I never shortened a name without checking with a parent or at least asking the child what mum and dad called them. If they said full name I would stick to it. With children too young to talk I think staff should check with you patent first. I don’t think you are being ‘that mum’ if you
address this. It can be done in a nice way. I do think you’ll lose the battle once your child gets older unless they themselves want to be called by their full name.

This might just be me being weird, but I'd see the relationship with a teacher as being very different and less formal than the relationship with a nursery worker, who I would see more as being a substitute for a family member rather than an educator (although of course they do both). So just as grandparents, aunts and uncles will often organically develop their own NN for a DC, so will nursery workers.

Malfi · 24/10/2022 15:27

I think shortening the name is wrong. I would definitely mention it. It’s a different matter if the child or the child’s friends or parents shorten it, but not any adults.

MistyFrequencies · 24/10/2022 15:31

Wow. Im fascinated that so many posters think its a big deal and would say something. I love that my kids nursery workers have little pet names for them, denotes their affection and i want my kids minded by people who really care. I think youll look slightly nuts for calling it out and would save conplaints for other things. But clearly im in the minority.

TokyoSushi · 24/10/2022 15:35

Honestly, I'd leave it, it's nice that they have a little relationship, and as long as your DS is happy what does it matter?

InsertPunHere · 24/10/2022 15:40

PFB. Other people will call your child all sorts of things over his lifetime - pet names, diminutives, nicknames… don’t fret it.

GroggyLegs · 24/10/2022 15:42

Honestly, Id rather they were welcoming to my child & had developed that friendly relationship with him, but each to their own.

I mean, he's your kid, course you can say something. I'm not sure it's of benefit to your son though.

Malfi · 24/10/2022 15:47

I actually think it’s insulting to both the parents and the child -like they can’t even be bothered to get the name right. It’s a red flag for me. I’d look askance at any setting that does that.

Mammma91 · 24/10/2022 15:58

My DS is slightly older, age 3. In his second year at nursery and the key worker has a pet name for him (just a shortened version) and I do too. I love it. He’s my only child, it’s so nice he has that kind of relationship. Her name is too long and we use the shortened version. It’s life and it’s actually really sweet because they’ve formed a close bond. My sons full first name is 5 letters long, all my siblings and his key worker use a shortened pet name as do me and his dad. I don’t mind at all.

cc1997 · 24/10/2022 16:02

Malfi · 24/10/2022 15:47

I actually think it’s insulting to both the parents and the child -like they can’t even be bothered to get the name right. It’s a red flag for me. I’d look askance at any setting that does that.

🤨🤨🤨

You have heard of nicknames before, right? Lots of nicknames/shortened names are VERY common, eg William to Will, Thomas to Tom.

I'm 99% sure the teacher did bother to learn the name and has now shortened it because it's common to do so.

MissyB1 · 24/10/2022 16:08

It’s not a big deal, don’t make a thing of it.