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Original poster

Major Mum Guilt this morning :(

79 replies

pag2020 · 07/06/2022 08:59

I feel so awful this morning. My DS (10 months) has been unwell for a few days with a bad virus and it was at it's peak over the bank hols. He seemed to perk up last night apart from a stuffy nose etc so I got all his bags ready for nursery and got all my stuff ready for work.

This morning he woke up and sounded and looked awful and didn't have much of an appetite. He wasn't ill to the point of needing a Doctor but you could see in his eyes he was run down and very grumpy and clingy. However, we decided to go ahead and send him to nursery as I had already missed a day's work staying home with him last week and I only work 3 days and I'm behind on my work as it is. He looked so sorry for himself being dropped off and I feel awful for taking him, but I need to work.

Am I just being a bit sensitive here as I have this awful feeling of guilt eating away at me while I am sat at my desk trying to work. :( Should I have stayed home with him?

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taylorsdoinapart · 07/06/2022 09:01

He sounded and looked awful? Yes you should have stayed with him. Imagine going to work if you looked and felt awful. I imagine all the other parents will be really pleased too when their kids catch it.

shmivorytower · 07/06/2022 09:03

It’s so hard, isn‘t it? But yes sounds like you should have stayed with him.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 07/06/2022 09:05

It's so hard, especially when you have work pressures. But think of it this way. When you're much older and thinking back, will you feel glad you went to work or glad you took the time to nurse your unwell child? Bigger picture x

NCforthis111 · 07/06/2022 09:06

Looked and sounded awful - yes, sorry OP. It's so hard and I don't want to make you feel worse, but it wasn't wise to take him.
They'll probably call you to collect anyway!
But someone - whether you, DCs dad or grandparent should have him at home.

Ruffelo · 07/06/2022 09:10

taylorsdoinapart · 07/06/2022 09:01

He sounded and looked awful? Yes you should have stayed with him. Imagine going to work if you looked and felt awful. I imagine all the other parents will be really pleased too when their kids catch it.

Was just thinking the same. Doesn't your nursery have a 'Don't send your children in when they're sick' rule? It does sound like you've made the wrong call. Go pick him up? 😬

Original poster
pag2020 · 07/06/2022 09:23

Yep - thought this would be the case. Thanks everyone for your honesty. I'm going to call the Nursery now to see how he's doing and pick him up if he hasn't improved.

@NCforthis111 I would have of course asked relatives to watch him but we live 4 hours away from family so we don't have this option sadly.

The Nursery's policy is as long as they don't have a temp and are not vomiting/diarrhoea then it's ok. He catches everything going since starting there so other parents must send their kids in with colds etc too

OP posts:
SlatsandFlaps · 07/06/2022 09:23

Poor kid

CHiSOCG · 07/06/2022 09:24

I remember doing this with my eldest OP. I still have mum guilt about it now 11 years on! Deffo call them and bring him home

Hugasauras · 07/06/2022 09:25

Our nursery rule is colds are fine if your child is happy in themselves and is just snotty. Actually unwell and unhappy because of it is a no-no.

Skinnermarink · 07/06/2022 09:30

I’m not going to stick the boot in but the poor aid is obviously unwell, I don’t think I could have left him at nursery if he’s how you describe, and I’d be looking at picking him up asap. Although my nursery would probably have turned him away at the door!

Having said that, it’s so so hard and those with family help to call on will never get it. We have no family that could help in the situation you describe. Our family are hours away and any help with childcare has to be planned weeks/months in advance. We have friends here but they have their own lives/small children to juggle.

Skinnermarink · 07/06/2022 09:30

I’m not going to stick the boot in but the poor aid is obviously unwell, I don’t think I could have left him at nursery if he’s how you describe, and I’d be looking at picking him up asap. Although my nursery would probably have turned him away at the door!

Having said that, it’s so so hard and those with family help to call on will never get it. We have no family that could help in the situation you describe. Our family are hours away and any help with childcare has to be planned weeks/months in advance. We have friends here but they have their own lives/small children to juggle.

Skinnermarink · 07/06/2022 09:31

Double post, Mumsnet is becoming practically unusable these days 🙄

NerrSnerr · 07/06/2022 09:36

Where is the baby's dad? You need to be sharing sick days (unless it's completely impossible for example he's away with work). If you do all the sick days it'll become a strain over the next decade or so.

bakey9 · 07/06/2022 09:41

They'll call you if they aren't happy to look after him. I always think they look worse in the morning when they're all bunged up. Our nursery says if they had to be off for every cold they'd never have any kids in

taylorsdoinapart · 07/06/2022 09:45

bakey9 · 07/06/2022 09:41

They'll call you if they aren't happy to look after him. I always think they look worse in the morning when they're all bunged up. Our nursery says if they had to be off for every cold they'd never have any kids in

Did you read the part about him looking miserable and not eating?

Poor kid needs to be at home.

Original poster
pag2020 · 07/06/2022 09:47

@NerrSnerr Where is the baby's Dad? At work as well. If we had to stay at home every time he had a runny nose and cough then we would both be unemployed! He had no temp, looked bunged up and snotty and was a bit grumpy and is teething as well. Perhaps I over exaggerated when I said he looked "awful", I would never have sent him in if he was very sick.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/06/2022 09:47

See what the nursery say when you check on him. If he was better last night but a bit grumpy this morning it could just be the first day back into the early morning routine, plus snottiness that built up overnight. He may well cheer up with a bit of distraction at nursery and not need picking up at all.

In my view if they've been sick for a few days and turned a corner then they are probably on the mend.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/06/2022 09:49

I always think they look worse in the morning when they're all bunged up.

I agree (and I experience the very same thing myself). Half an hour later totally fine.

Original poster
pag2020 · 07/06/2022 09:53

@taylorsdoinapart where did I say he wasn't eating? I said he "doesn't have much of an appetite". He drank his 7oz bottle fine before going, he just didn't fancy much of his breakfast after

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 07/06/2022 09:55

pag2020 · 07/06/2022 09:47

@NerrSnerr Where is the baby's Dad? At work as well. If we had to stay at home every time he had a runny nose and cough then we would both be unemployed! He had no temp, looked bunged up and snotty and was a bit grumpy and is teething as well. Perhaps I over exaggerated when I said he looked "awful", I would never have sent him in if he was very sick.

I only asked as you said you took a day off last week and didn't want to take another day but didn't mention the other parent.

I have two small children and you have to make the judgment call but the fact you felt they were unwell enough to start the thread suggests it's worse than a run of the mill cold.

Original poster
pag2020 · 07/06/2022 09:59

NerrSnerr · 07/06/2022 09:55

I only asked as you said you took a day off last week and didn't want to take another day but didn't mention the other parent.

I have two small children and you have to make the judgment call but the fact you felt they were unwell enough to start the thread suggests it's worse than a run of the mill cold.

Show quote history

Apologies - I mistook your comment as a bit passive aggressive. I started the thread more over my anxiety of leaving him rather than how ill he was. I'm a first time mum so I'm paranoid over the smallest things

OP posts:
taylorsdoinapart · 07/06/2022 10:00

pag2020 · 07/06/2022 09:47

@NerrSnerr Where is the baby's Dad? At work as well. If we had to stay at home every time he had a runny nose and cough then we would both be unemployed! He had no temp, looked bunged up and snotty and was a bit grumpy and is teething as well. Perhaps I over exaggerated when I said he looked "awful", I would never have sent him in if he was very sick.

Well this is different to what you said in the OP. You didn't say he'd drank a bottle and you said he looked awful. If he's just bunged up, doesn't has a temp and has managed his bottle then I'd leave him at nursery. But that's not what you said.

JenniferBarkley · 07/06/2022 10:00

It's awful isn't it.

If he didn't have a temp and had a full bottle he may well have perked up by now, give them a call and see.

If not, send his dad to get him, you've already done your shift this illness.

Flowers
Original poster
pag2020 · 07/06/2022 10:05

taylorsdoinapart · 07/06/2022 10:00

Well this is different to what you said in the OP. You didn't say he'd drank a bottle and you said he looked awful. If he's just bunged up, doesn't has a temp and has managed his bottle then I'd leave him at nursery. But that's not what you said.

Show quote history

Apart from being a bit over dramatic and using the term "looking awful", I'm not sure how that is much different to what I said in the OP? Don't we all say things like "oh I feel awful", "I feel rubbish" when we have a cold? Stop being pedantic

OP posts:
mummyh2016 · 07/06/2022 10:11

bakey9 · 07/06/2022 09:41

They'll call you if they aren't happy to look after him. I always think they look worse in the morning when they're all bunged up. Our nursery says if they had to be off for every cold they'd never have any kids in

This. I've sent mine in before when not 100% and I'd do it again. Nursery won't keep him if he's too poorly so don't worry. Best case he has perked up and will stay at nursery. Worst case they call you to pick him up. No major issue.