Punishment of a 24 month old child at nursery

[LilyGolden]

Hi,

I’m looking for some advice and opinions. I observed a child at my child’s nursery being punished this week as I walked though the playground.

The child is 24 months old and they had repeatedly not followed instruction regarding where to ride their tricycle. The nursery have since told me that she ultimately fell off the tricycle and as punishment the child was made to sit on a cold, wet playground floor, up against a wall while crying hysterically. Three members of staff stood a matter of feet away from her and yet nobody comforted her, sat with her or held her hand during the time out while she was so upset. Apparently, so the nursery tell me, the time out lasted 1 minute and then it was explained to her what she had done wrong and that she mustn’t do it again and, so they say, a hug was given before she was allowed to rejoin play. (Although their account of the events building up to and following what I witnessed seems to keep changing).

Seeing such a little tot so upset and being punished disturbed me and I contacted the nursery to report the incident.

To my shock they investigated (reviewed CCTV) and came back to me saying that the staff were right to do this, this is normal practice and in line with their behaviour management policies and procedures for 18-30 month olds. My instinct is that this is excessive and to my mind also not consistent with their policy of never humiliating or singling out a child for poor behaviour.

I requested that my child is never treated like this and the nursery Director replied refusing my request.

Is this normal? Does this happen at other nurseries for this age group? Particularly given the context that the child was crying and upset.

I appreciate that I saw a snapshot of an event, but the bit I did see made me deeply upset especially when I think that my tot could be put in that position when she moves up to that room in a few months.

Report to Ofsted and SS and remove your child.

I do believe that 2 is old enough to be disciplined, but there is a lack of care bordering on cruelty. It isn’t normal.

I'm more shocked that the nursery told you about a punishment that had been given to a child that wasn't yours. By all means, they should give you a hypothetical run down of what might happen to your child if they were to misbehave, but it's really unprofessional to discuss another child in such a manner.

That alone would mean I'd look to move nurseries and probably report to Ofsted. The punishment seems harsh for such a young child too.

I nearly did approach the staff. As I was putting my child in the pram and continued to observe the situation I very nearly did walk over there and say could someone just explain to me what’s happening here, but honestly I could feel myself getting a bit emotional and didn’t want to stomp over there and burst out crying so I thought I’d rationalise it on my walk home, but by the time I got home I was fuming! Absolutely fuming, and heartbroken for that child and my child’s future well-being.

@LilyGolden

I was actually astounded that she refused. I asked for three things:

That if my child is still upset from an injury, that she is not punished until she’s calm.

That if she only hurts herself in the course of play, particular at this age, that this is enough of a punishment and that further punishment is not given

That she is never stood/sat against a wall, inside or outside the building as punishment

…and the nursery Director came back to me and refused all 3 requests.

This nursery has great facilities, is part of a group and gets great reviews. How can this be?

I m generally pretty chilled about stuff but I would be looking to remove my child from that nursery ASAP.

what did you expect them to do? Allow the child to continue misbehaving and putting their well being and the other kids at risk???

2yo are mature enough to push boundaries and be a little naughty and need to be educated. Maybe the child was warned multiple times and explained the risks and continued doing something dangerous

If staff did this at my nursery, they wouldn’t last very long. Even with older children this would not be deemed appropriate. If the child’s behaviour with a toy or equipment is a danger to themselves or other children, you tell the child ‘no’ and ether remove the toy/equipment or divert the child’s attention to another activity. What you never do is leave the child crying, even if it is only for a minute. Terrible and unprofessional practice. Good job for them Ofsted weren’t in. Mind you, they probably wouldn’t have done it then.

I'd probably look for another setting for my child, and I don't say that lightly.

My nursery uses sand timers for what is effectively a 'time out' and it's not an approach I would ever use at home. However, I understand that behaviour management will be very different in a busy setting. Saying that though, if I ever thought my child was being left to cry alone and uncomforted I would find that beyond the pale. It's lacks compassion and kindness, and I just couldn't leave my child in the care of people like that.

if it continued the trike would probably be put away for a little bit to avoid an accident.

This isn’t fair on all of the other children though.

I would have thought a 1 minute time out not being allowed to play on it is a good way to teach someone that if you don’t play safely on it then you don’t get to go on it.

You can't dictate nursery protocols. If you don't like how they handle certain situations (and I certainly don't) then take your child away.

Agree this sounds harsh. I actually saw something similar at a mother toddler group I went to a long time ago. The leader of the group applied the punishment of sitting in a naughty spot for what felt like ages and the child was screaming and screaming upset while the rest of the room watched. The mother was there and allowed it to happen and I was absolutely aghast that they felt it appropriate. I was so glad I was always there to make sure it never happened to my child. At the time I was still a new mum and I wasn’t really sure if perhaps my parenting was wrong. But looking back I was absolutely right you don’t treat such a young child like that.

All the nopes.
Report to Ofsted
And leave the nursery.

@WonderfulYou sorry I meant if no one was fussed about going on it it would probably be put out of sight. If other children expressed a desire to have a go then they would absolutely be allowed.

I’m an experienced nursery manager and wouldn’t allow this to happen in my nursery
I would urge you to take your child out and tell them why

I’ve registered with our next nearest good nursery, but it could be months before they have a place for my child. In that time my child would have left the baby room and be in this classroom where this behaviour management approach is taken. I’ve already reduced her days at nursery with immediate effect, but I can’t take her out entirely as I have to work. Maybe I could look for childminders in the interim, but I’m concerned that it’ll be a lot of new places and people to adjust to.

Glad you are moving her
Maybe keep in contact with the new nursery on a weekly basis, maybe a space will become available sooner, especially if you start her there as soon as you can on one of the days she isn’t at the awful nursery

I’d say that falling off the tricycle is “punishment” enough. I’d just make it known to the child that if they had listened then it wouldn’t have been likely to happen i.e. that’s the reason we ask children to stay in X area because it’s too bumpy over here and the tricycle will fall over, please don’t do it again as I don’t want you to get hurt 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have time outs for my two year old but they have a warning first and it’s only for 1 minute if that.

It was inappropriate to do that if she’d fallen off and hurt herself.
However, what method should they use if the child doesn’t respond to ‘no’ or redirecting etc? What method of discipline comes after that? If the child was on the trike and wouldn’t stop doing what you’ve asked?

I thought you said child only made to sit there for 1 minute. Hardly long enough to get upset about. 60 seconds. Time out is a standard behaviour management technique. If my children were naughty after being told several times I put them on naughty step and it was 1 minute for each year of life. They were in full view of me it gave them time to calm and reflect. You have no idea how some children start school with dreadful behaviour be size no one has taken the trouble to manage their bad behaviour before.

Timeout is not recommended.

I would be reporting to OFSTED and removing my child. Time outs are not recommended anymore, particularly for children that young. However, you can't ask the nursery to simply not treat your child the same way every other child is treated, if that is their practice then you either have to accept that you chose to enroll your child in that setting and you can't ask them to make changes for 1 child, or remove your child and find a better setting. It sounds like an awful nursery though and should be investigated I think most parents would be upset at the thought of their child being treated that way.

sorry I meant if no one was fussed about going on it it would probably be put out of sight. If other children expressed a desire to have a go then they would absolutely be allowed.

Yes that sounds like a good idea.

Why couldn’t she ride on the green part of the playground?
Sounds like a batshit rule
Maybe they need to look at their rules
The rules should be about safety, not just because someone’s got a bit power mad being in charge of toddlers

@caringcarer

I thought you said child only made to sit there for 1 minute. Hardly long enough to get upset about. 60 seconds. Time out is a standard behaviour management technique. If my children were naughty after being told several times I put them on naughty step and it was 1 minute for each year of life. They were in full view of me it gave them time to calm and reflect. You have no idea how some children start school with dreadful behaviour be size no one has taken the trouble to manage their bad behaviour before.

What an ironic username!

Take your child out and raise a complaint with Ofsted.

How could you not comfort a 2 year old that had hurt herself? Poor little mite, it seems so cold and heartless, I would remove my child for that reason and tell them why too.