Punishment of a 24 month old child at nursery

[LilyGolden]

Hi,

I’m looking for some advice and opinions. I observed a child at my child’s nursery being punished this week as I walked though the playground.

The child is 24 months old and they had repeatedly not followed instruction regarding where to ride their tricycle. The nursery have since told me that she ultimately fell off the tricycle and as punishment the child was made to sit on a cold, wet playground floor, up against a wall while crying hysterically. Three members of staff stood a matter of feet away from her and yet nobody comforted her, sat with her or held her hand during the time out while she was so upset. Apparently, so the nursery tell me, the time out lasted 1 minute and then it was explained to her what she had done wrong and that she mustn’t do it again and, so they say, a hug was given before she was allowed to rejoin play. (Although their account of the events building up to and following what I witnessed seems to keep changing).

Seeing such a little tot so upset and being punished disturbed me and I contacted the nursery to report the incident.

To my shock they investigated (reviewed CCTV) and came back to me saying that the staff were right to do this, this is normal practice and in line with their behaviour management policies and procedures for 18-30 month olds. My instinct is that this is excessive and to my mind also not consistent with their policy of never humiliating or singling out a child for poor behaviour.

I requested that my child is never treated like this and the nursery Director replied refusing my request.

Is this normal? Does this happen at other nurseries for this age group? Particularly given the context that the child was crying and upset.

I appreciate that I saw a snapshot of an event, but the bit I did see made me deeply upset especially when I think that my tot could be put in that position when she moves up to that room in a few months.

Could I have some opinions and perspectives on this situation?

I'd change nurseries - this does seem harsh especially at that age.

Hmm I work in a nursery and this would not happen where I work.

Instead the child would be told about not riding it in an unsuitable place and if it continued the trike would probably be put away for a little bit to avoid an accident.

Never would they be made to sit down against a wall upset.

Doesn't sound right to me.

That’s exactly my thoughts, but the nursery have been so adamant. I feel like I’m starting to question myself and whether I’m just a bit soft.

I would be so angry if I saw this. I would definitely remove my child if the refused to abstain from this form of punishment against my child.

Not appropriate, even for an older child. Your DD is still very young and learning.
If this happened in my setting I would be having a stern word with staff about supporting children to follow instructions and appropriate ways to do this.

Very wrong. So cold. It reminds me of a time I was visiting a nursing home and an elderly man had a fall. While he was still on the ground he was being told off and that his daughter would be mad at the staff for letting him fall. I can still see his face looking up. Unfortunately some workers become institutionalised, for want of a better word, and that can dehumanise the children.

My nursery don’t even say no to children, they do ‘gentle redirect’ if the child is doing something naughty.

I would take my child out and report to OFSTED

I'd withdraw my child, that's awful!

I used time out at home around this age, so I don't really see the issue with it.
Its a pretty standard discipline technique

I was actually astounded that she refused. I asked for three things:

That if my child is still upset from an injury, that she is not punished until she’s calm.

That if she only hurts herself in the course of play, particular at this age, that this is enough of a punishment and that further punishment is not given

That she is never stood/sat against a wall, inside or outside the building as punishment

…and the nursery Director came back to me and refused all 3 requests.

This nursery has great facilities, is part of a group and gets great reviews. How can this be?

None of my children have ever been left upset in nursery even if they have been the little one causing havoc that day. The staff should redirect the child to doing something more appropriate if not listening.
They shouldn't be using time outs especially not leaving them on the wet ground ignoring them.

This seems really inappropriate and wouldn't happen at my children's nursery. I suppose you could ask what evidence they have to support this approach and why have they chosen it above other, more compassionate approaches. You could also chat to other parents about pushing for a change of policy. Honestly, I'd probably just look for another nursery. That would be really upsetting to witness and obviously for the child. I'd be furious if that was my daughter.

OFSTED do not approve of time out. If a child is riding their trike where they are told not to they should be redirected and if they fall off that is a natural consequence of not following instruction.

In that case it can be explained to them that this is why they were asked to ride the trike elsewhere and comforted and checked for injuries then directed to a safe area to play.

The child was hurt and crying so nothing to do with discipline in that moment.

I think I would ask for a copy of the protocol they are saying was correct and report to Ofsted and let them sort it out.

I was harshly treated as a young child and I am nearly 60. I can still remember the humiliation and alienation.

Was this done in front of the other children OP?

Time outs as punishments have definitely fallen out of favour and it’s less common for nurseries to do this now than maybe 10 years ago. Especially with under 3s.

It was done in front of her classmates and astonishingly as I was walking through the playground with my child to our pram another little boy rode on the green part of the playground and the care worker said to him, don’t do that, X child did that and that’s why she’s being made to sit there!

I work with 3-4 year olds, we would absolutely never use a technique like this, and I would not want my child in a setting that thought it was appropriate to treat any child in this way. Sorry OP, but if I was you I would move them.

If they were happy to leave a 2 year old like that, outside in full view of a parent walking past, then I am worried about their behaviour, attitude and “discipline” policy behind closed doors.

If I were in your position I would have gone to comfort the child, tried to find out who her parents were to contact them, and told the nursery as I was contacting ofstead and phoning social services for safeguarding advice. It doesn’t seem like they even checked her over from a first aid viewpoint. My son broke his arm at 2 years old, from an accident when he fell - the accident did not look that bad at all, and I felt terrible for not realising straight away.

I would also remove my child. That is really sad.

Do you know the child’s “history “ , are they known for not following the rules , have the staff tried other methods, is this a last resort ? You only have a snapshot of the insolent and why time out was used.

@LilyGolden

It was done in front of her classmates and astonishingly as I was walking through the playground with my child to our pram another little boy rode on the green part of the playground and the care worker said to him, don’t do that, X child did that and that’s why she’s being made to sit there!

This makes it ten times worse. It is this sort of thing that I remember. Not so much fucking up and getting punished but the humiliation and stares from the other kids.

Have they no empathy or other methods in their arsenal to overcome these situations?

Horrible way to treat little kids.

I’ve read the behaviour policy again and agree with all the principles and approaches on there, they seem gentle and appropriate- distract, discuss and change the situation. But the practices seem to fall quite a way from what’s written on that document. I asked for a breakdown of the actual actions taken in various situations of children not following instruction and was told there isn’t one! How can this be? How can they train staff if there isn’t a consistent set of actions taken each time a child fails to follow instruction? There must be one. They just don’t want to send it to me.

This is wrong. 2 year old sre still babies!!