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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Starting Nursery at 12 months. When is a good time?

31 replies

Greenisland101 · 19/08/2021 19:55

My son has turned 1 and my husband and I are looking to send him to nursery 2 mornings a week. Both my mum and mil, disagree with the idea. They think he's way too young and it's not necessary as they believe he should start when he turns 3. I would like ds to join to develop social skills. My parents are in their early 70's, still mobile and active, and they don't mind looking after their grandson but I really feel that a nursery setting would be beneficial.
Did anyone send their child to nursery at that age just for socialising or wait until it's free at 3 years old?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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BendingSpoons · 19/08/2021 20:07

I wouldn't send them at 12m for socialising. For childcare or because you need a break then great, but I don't think they gain much socially until 2 or 3. However are they suggesting they look after him? It's fine to not think this is a good idea.

user1592512579 · 19/08/2021 20:11

I dont think its necessary for socialising that young. 2 or 3 depending on the child.

If you need the break though, by all means put them in nursery but it wont be a huge benefit to them that young.

Zzzzfthg · 19/08/2021 20:21

I also wouldn't send just for social reasons at 1. Children don't really learn to play with other children until around 3. More just alongside them before that. They do best with their primary caregiver before that.

BakewellGin1 · 19/08/2021 20:28

My oldest was in private nursery from 7 months.. He did well in developing his social skills, speech and interacted well with children and teachers easily. When he transitioned to school nursery he found it an easy process and settled quickly. Being there did him no harm at all.

Youngest is now 2 and we pay for him to go into 2 year old provision three mornings a week. He is cared for by my DM when I work so this breaks up the week nicely for them both. He is starting to communicate and interact with other children, as well as doing a wider range of activities and follow nursery routines. He has not long been there and due to both that and Covid I feel his speech and language has been delayed as he has started to speak a little since being around other children. I want him to attend to develop his communication and social skills.

12 months is still young for the social aspect but both of mine did and do enjoy the experience.

kitten789 · 19/08/2021 20:30

My DS started nursery aged 1 and absolutely loves it. His speech is miles ahead of friends we know that are a similar age and the activities they do at nursery give so much variety, doing things I wouldn't even think of. It has been a really positive experience for us and even though they don't socialise as such, they do get used to other children

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 19/08/2021 20:32

Whilst I didn’t send for social reasons (I returned to work so no other option) my boy went from 11 months and has absolutely flourished. I was anxious with him being a lockdown baby (April 2020) but he loves it!

WeaningNewbiiee · 19/08/2021 20:34

My DS will be going to nursery at 10mo due to me returning to work. He will be alternating on 3 day and 2 days a week due to working shifts. My DM has returned to work so can't ask her to help as she's been helping out so much since DS was born. It's not fair to ask for her to give up her job even though she has offered.

Aliceclara · 19/08/2021 20:39

I work in a preschool rated outstanding by
Ofsted. I'm also a mum of two dc. The best place for a child of 12 months is with family members they have a secure bond with. 21/2 to 3 is when children start to progress with socialising, firstly playing alongside others and moving onto learning the social cues necessary for interactive play. This is when they begin to link up with others. You don't need to be worrying about socialising at 12 months.

crikey456 · 19/08/2021 20:39

Both of my Daughters did 1 day a week at nursery when they were 1. It was because I had to go back to work, but it was so good for both of my children.

Their speech and language is absolutely amazing. They were both speaking in sentences from a very young age, they are both incredibly sociable, they are creative, clever and confident.

Do what feels right for you. Don't listen to the opinion of your Mum and MIL. The decision has nothing to do with them.

Flickeringgreenlight · 19/08/2021 20:44

If I didn't need to send DS to nursery (started at 16m, 2 days a week), I most definitely wouldn't have, but I had no choice as had to return to work and have no family nearby to help. He seem to enjoy it and has settled in fairly easily but it's a necessity. I would still prefer him to be at home. I too agree with your MIL and DM, he is way too young to be going to nursery for the socialising aspect of it. If you have someone else offering to look after him when either you go back to work or just want to have some regular time to yourself then I'd take them up on their offer and wait sending him to nursery at least another year. Even if you take him to a baby club or meeting friends in the park would be enough more than enough socialising at this stage. Good luck whatever you decide

PufferFishGoneWrong · 19/08/2021 20:45

Both mine were in full time nursery from 12m due to me working.

RobinPenguins · 19/08/2021 20:47

I wouldn’t send “just” for socialising if you don’t need to - I don’t think it makes any difference that young whether they’re at home or in a childcare setting. But if you need childcare I wouldn’t want to rely solely on grandparents.

BendingSpoons · 19/08/2021 20:50

I do think people sometimes attribute things to nursery when it is just their development. Mine have both been fantastic talkers, kind and good at sharing but didn't go to nursery until 3. (They are definitely not perfect by a long shot though!)

Hercisback · 19/08/2021 20:51

I wouldn't send if you don't need to.

Find a couple of local playgroups. They'll be cheaper.

PeterCorbeau · 19/08/2021 20:52

DD started at about 18 months, partly cos I had to work but also because I thought she would really enjoy it, which she did! It did wonders for her self-confidence and speech and after the first lockdown, it was good for her to spend time with people who weren't just me and DH occasionally. But she is an outgoing and adaptable child who enjoys taking part in stuff and who isn't shy. If I had a more sensitive child, I might have waited. But I knew she would have a blast.

If you don't need to send and don't want to spend the money then I wouldn't bother as it's not necessary, but if you have the money and think your child would enjoy it then go for it. DD is 2.5 now and absolutely thrives at nursery - she practically drags my husband out of the door on nursery days!

I think different children suit different settings. Our nursery is tiny and really homely - we visited a bigger one with better inspection results (around paperwork mainly so I wasn't that bothered) but it seemed really clinical and I just knew it wouldn't be right for DD. But the minute we visited our current nursery, I knew it was perfect. I got to leave her for 15 mins with staff while I got shown around and when I came back she was sitting in a circle of children helping to turn the pages on a book and clapping excitedly. So if you can find somewhere you think suits your child then I think it can be really good for them, and they get more from nursery than just social stuff.

Zzzzfthg · 19/08/2021 20:54

@BendingSpoons
I was going to write the same - my 1 year old (nearly 2) has been talking in sentences for quite a while now and is inquisitive, very interested in the world around her etc and sociable and has never been to nursery.

Tablow · 19/08/2021 20:55

1 is young for the social aspect but the amount of activiites they do that I don't want to do at home (so much messy play) is great.

Just make sure you send them enough so they aren't upset because it's been so long. So if you send Tues and Thurs morning, by the time it's tues again they haven't been for 4 days - this can be a bit stressful for them so it can be easier to put in for 3 mornings a week.

PeterCorbeau · 19/08/2021 20:59

To add to my last post, though, there are a couple of kids at DD's nursery who don't seem to suit being at nursery hugely – whenever I pick her up, it's usually the same couple of kids who are crying and having to be comforted, and same at drop-off. Obviously if their parents have to work there's not much to be done about it, but definitely some kids do better than others in those type of settings I think, so if it's optional and your child isn't really thriving there, I certainly wouldn't persist at that age.

I think you tend to know your own child, though, and whether nursery is something they will enjoy. I knew DD would love it just due to her personality.

Original poster

Greenisland101 · 19/08/2021 22:47

Thank you for your advice / opinions. Just to add, I returned back to work in April. My parents have been looking after DS 4 days a week and DH has been with him 1 day.
I will be working 4 days a week next month, so I will have some time to take DS to playgroups etc.
My parents also looked after my nephew 4 days a week from 1 to about 3 years old. I feel that my parents are limited with the activities they can provide. They allowed my nephew to watch a lot of YouTube baby videos. As a result my nephew now has communication /attention difficulties and is addicted to his tablet! I do wonder if they didn't put off my DB and SIL about sending their son to nursery earlier perhaps his social and communication skills would be better. I understand all children develop differently.

So for our DS, I guess our reason for sending to nursery is to develop his confidence and communication. But now thinking about everything, I will hold out until DS is 2. Grandparents do not use any tech around DS as they've seen how addicting it can be for children so they are very mindful when looking after DS.

OP posts:

Ttbhappy · 19/08/2021 22:52

Yes in my opinion babies do best at home at 12 months they just want to be around family as its still so young.

EnglishRain · 19/08/2021 22:53

If it's a choice of grandparents or nursery I'd go nursery every time. DD is 13 months and started recently. Very happy with our decision, she is settling really well and nursery teach her things in ways I wouldn't think to and such like. I do think it's good for their confidence. I don't know any grandparents who provide childcare for friends that I would be happy with. Far rather their bulk of time away from primary carer is with a childcare provider not family members.

EnglishRain · 19/08/2021 22:55

(I am sure there are plenty of lovely grandparents who do lots of activities with their grandchildren and talk to them a lot. My friend's and my nephews get dumped in front of the TV and don't get to go outside if it's remotely wet etc)

GalaxyGirl24 · 19/08/2021 22:58

My DD is going to nursery 2 days pw when she turns 1, more for work necessity than socialising but having worked in a nursery in the past I will say I've seen a lot of children make incredible progress with things like speech, sharing, eating, physical development around that age range... so there are other benefits!

GalaxyGirl24 · 19/08/2021 23:00

Also as PPs have said they have access to amazing activities that are fresh/messy/exciting and don't need to be cleaned off the walls by me !

ElizaDoolots · 19/08/2021 23:01

My DD has had a mixture of grandparent (MIL) and nursery since she was 12 months. I’ve decided to increase her nursery days and just use MIL for one day per week as I think nursery is way more beneficial for her. She gets to play with other children, and they have activities all day focused on developing different skills, whereas with MIL she spends a lot of time in front of the TV. I’m sure there are grandparents who do more but I’m not sure how many are able to replicate the amount that they do at nursery, I would struggle to do the same for her at home myself.

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