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Original poster

First day of nursery and not feeling happy.

43 replies

HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 28/06/2021 14:24

My son had his first settling in day at nursery today. We were there for two hours of which I spent one hour in the room with him and the other hour filling out forms and observing him through the window occasionally.

He's 2 in a few weeks but still saying very little. Has a few words but doesn't use them much and is very quiet but does babble. I've taken him to two paediatricians and consulted a speech therapist all who said it will come with time and that nursery would help.

When I met with the key worker she kept on saying he's delayed which just didn't sit well with me. At one point she got out flash cards and said to him 'say car' 'say boat' 'say doll' really quickly without even giving him any time and I thought to myself well that's not exactly going to get him to start talking.

The experience didn't sit well with me. My son didn't cry in the hour that I was gone but was subdued after (I did expect this though) and I just left feeling deflated and unsure that this was the right place for him.

AIBU? Am I just being sensitive? I know I have to give it more than a day but just looking for support on here and similar experiences.

He is supposed to go for two full days a week starting properly from Thursday.

OP posts:
FairyTaleEndingPlease · 28/06/2021 14:32

If you get a bad vibe you should look at alternatives.

In terms of encouraging speech development going through flashcards with a 1 year old is beyond ludicrous.

As an ex nursery manager what you've said rings a few alarm bells in terms of their approach to education.

BingBongToTheMoon · 28/06/2021 14:36

Find another nursery.
This nursery worker is shit.
Flash cards are so old fashioned and not good practice at all. Especially not during his first settling in visit!

blahblahblah321 · 28/06/2021 14:44

Agree with the others.

I'm a nursery nurse, working with the 2-3 year olds. There are some fantastic ways to help little ones with their language - flash cards wouldn't be at the top of my list!!

If you aren't happy, follow your gut in my opinion..

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 28/06/2021 14:49

I had a speech delayed toddler.
The nursery monitored and encouraged. As far as I know they never used flash cards (SALT did, but as an assessment to see how she was developing).

NigellaSeed · 28/06/2021 15:34

I've worked in nurseries, I don't want to offend anyone but if I'm honest, there is some amazing nursery workers, amazing. And there are some who maybe picked this as a job because it seemed like it would be cute to play with kids all day. It may have changed but when I worked there, some people were just training on the job to be level 2 - so not actually qualified.

OP - trust your gut. Did you view any other settings?

Original poster
HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 28/06/2021 15:37

Thank you so much for the responses.

@NigellaSeed I viewed this nursery and another one before the first lockdown. The other nursery I viewed has since closed.

I chose this in the end because a close relative had sent both her DCs there and was very happy with it.

OP posts:
blahblahblah321 · 28/06/2021 16:56

@NigellaSeed

I've worked in nurseries, I don't want to offend anyone but if I'm honest, there is some amazing nursery workers, amazing. And there are some who maybe picked this as a job because it seemed like it would be cute to play with kids all day. It may have changed but when I worked there, some people were just training on the job to be level 2 - so not actually qualified.

OP - trust your gut. Did you view any other settings?

@NigellaSeed , why are level 2's not actually qualified?
anothernamereally · 28/06/2021 17:40

@blahblahblah321 I think the pp meant training on the job toward level 2

Blossomandbee · 28/06/2021 17:44

Could you ask to switch key worker?

I agree to go with your gut, I moved my DD from a place that didn't feel right and she was always subdued after going.
Check the paperwork you signed for what notice period you need to give them for leaving so you're prepared.

blahblahblah321 · 28/06/2021 17:49

[quote anothernamereally]@blahblahblah321 I think the pp meant training on the job toward level 2 [/quote]
Ah yes... BlushGrin

Treehaus · 28/06/2021 17:50

I would give it more than a day personally.

FairyTaleEndingPlease · 28/06/2021 19:31

If a nursery has an ethos of repeatedly referring to a child as being "delayed" and pulling out flashcards in an effort to promote language development then there is no way I'd be giving them the opportunity of another day with my child.

Crowtooyo · 28/06/2021 19:32

I hate Flash cards! Trust your gut though op.

Original poster
HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 28/06/2021 21:56

@blossomandbee It seems that theres two key worker who manage the toddler room. I didn't even speak to the other one though as the children had to be split while I was there for covid rules. Will check paper work!

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 28/06/2021 21:58

@Treehaus I'm definitely giving it until the end of week before making a decision. We have two more settling in days and then a full day on Thursday.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 28/06/2021 21:58

I also hate flashcards!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 28/06/2021 22:00

The nursery worker sounds an absolute twit. Using flash cards with a child that's not even two yet. Ad saying he's delayed. That's appalling. I'd be reluctant to use this nursery.

Abracadabra12345 · 28/06/2021 22:35

@FairyTaleEndingPlease

If a nursery has an ethos of repeatedly referring to a child as being "delayed" and pulling out flashcards in an effort to promote language development then there is no way I'd be giving them the opportunity of another day with my child.
That’s how I feel. I wouldn’t even be looking at language. This is a settling in period and should be all about making the child feel comfortable and relaxed. I’m a Senco in a preschool and this would be laughable if it wasn’t so serious. The practitioner hasn’t a clue and that would worry me.

OP you sound very caring but with restricted options at the moment so go ahead with your plans

NigellaSeed · 29/06/2021 08:08

I didn't mean level 2s aren't qualified - I just meant if they are working towards it on the job, and level 2 is the starting qualification, then they aren't qualified until they have completed the level 2 training.

NigellaSeed · 29/06/2021 08:11

Sorry cross post

jannier · 29/06/2021 09:59

Flash cards must be the way the setting works or they wouldn't have them. Anyone who practices that isn't up with current thinking for normal everyday practice.
No practitioner should make any assessment in the first few weeks let alone the first settling in session where even the most confident child will not be themselves.
A keyworker is the worker assigned to your child its not a seniority thing. They are supposed to be the one working with your child the most closely building a relationship with them and you to support secure attachment and development, although most effectively just use them to share out paperwork.

Original poster
HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 29/06/2021 14:14

Thank you so much for all your comments. We went back for the second settling in day today and I was greeted at the door by the keyworker. She was very abrupt and wanted to take my son straight in without giving me a chance to explain who she was, where she was taking him or to say bye.

She just took him and said 'any messages for him' and then 'today you're supposed to leave the building' to me. Not a chance I thought.

Five minutes later I went to check on him through the window and he was crying his eyes out (I know this is par for the course for starting nursery but it wasn't nice to see). I went to speak to the manager and asked if I could I take him out and comfort him? She was very kind and said of course and we wouldn't overwhelm him on the first couple of days. We gave him another five minutes in there while I talked to her.

I explained to the manager what happened yesterday and she looked horrified and said she would talk to the key worker. I asked for a more full explanation of the key worker role and the manager gave me all the information in great detail. I'd had none of this from the key worker who really just told me when they had their mealtimes and little else.

We took my son out and I sat with him for fifteen minutes and calmed him down. We decided to try again for ten or so minutes and the manager took him into the nursery room and played with him and distracted him reporting back to me that he was fine and happy. He even stayed and had lunch with the other kids.

While I feel better about the nursery in general, and I think the manager is good. I'm still having doubts about the keyworker. Rather oddly I've been told she's the only keyworker for the under 2s. There is another woman working in the under two room but she was level two and couldn't be designated as a key worker. They called her a key buddy.

I'm still unsure quite what to do. Have another settling in day tomorrow and then first proper day on Thursday.

OP posts:
blahblahblah321 · 29/06/2021 14:43

@HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel

Thank you so much for all your comments. We went back for the second settling in day today and I was greeted at the door by the keyworker. She was very abrupt and wanted to take my son straight in without giving me a chance to explain who she was, where she was taking him or to say bye.

She just took him and said 'any messages for him' and then 'today you're supposed to leave the building' to me. Not a chance I thought.

Five minutes later I went to check on him through the window and he was crying his eyes out (I know this is par for the course for starting nursery but it wasn't nice to see). I went to speak to the manager and asked if I could I take him out and comfort him? She was very kind and said of course and we wouldn't overwhelm him on the first couple of days. We gave him another five minutes in there while I talked to her.

I explained to the manager what happened yesterday and she looked horrified and said she would talk to the key worker. I asked for a more full explanation of the key worker role and the manager gave me all the information in great detail. I'd had none of this from the key worker who really just told me when they had their mealtimes and little else.

We took my son out and I sat with him for fifteen minutes and calmed him down. We decided to try again for ten or so minutes and the manager took him into the nursery room and played with him and distracted him reporting back to me that he was fine and happy. He even stayed and had lunch with the other kids.

While I feel better about the nursery in general, and I think the manager is good. I'm still having doubts about the keyworker. Rather oddly I've been told she's the only keyworker for the under 2s. There is another woman working in the under two room but she was level two and couldn't be designated as a key worker. They called her a key buddy.

I'm still unsure quite what to do. Have another settling in day tomorrow and then first proper day on Thursday.

How many under 2's are there in the group?
Megan2018 · 29/06/2021 14:48

It sounds very poor, I’d continue looking for alternative childcare. The manager might be good but they aren’t the ones doing the daily care. The staff at our nursery are an absolute delight, I was so nervous about childcare but they have supported me throughout and been nothing short of fantastic. Don’t settle for inadequate.

Original poster
HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 29/06/2021 15:59

There was the key worker and two support staff looking after nine children.

I have a baby sitter who looks after DS on occasion, she is an ex-nursery worker (nursery closed due to Covid). I was hoping for someone warm and kind like her.

OP posts:
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