First day of nursery and not feeling happy.

[HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel]

My son had his first settling in day at nursery today. We were there for two hours of which I spent one hour in the room with him and the other hour filling out forms and observing him through the window occasionally.

He's 2 in a few weeks but still saying very little. Has a few words but doesn't use them much and is very quiet but does babble. I've taken him to two paediatricians and consulted a speech therapist all who said it will come with time and that nursery would help.

When I met with the key worker she kept on saying he's delayed which just didn't sit well with me. At one point she got out flash cards and said to him 'say car' 'say boat' 'say doll' really quickly without even giving him any time and I thought to myself well that's not exactly going to get him to start talking.

The experience didn't sit well with me. My son didn't cry in the hour that I was gone but was subdued after (I did expect this though) and I just left feeling deflated and unsure that this was the right place for him.

AIBU? Am I just being sensitive? I know I have to give it more than a day but just looking for support on here and similar experiences.

He is supposed to go for two full days a week starting properly from Thursday.

I think the only way to guarantee that is with a childminder or nanny

If you don’t feel comfortable, look elsewhere. I had a similar experience when I was looking for a playgroup/nursery school for very shy DS1, I went to look at the local Nursery School that had a really reputation, I had a meeting with the principal and knew it was entirely the wrong environment for my DS, I visited the local playgroup and just knew he would thrive there and he did. Good luck.

I don't think they keyworker sounds great tbh. Let us know how you/he gets on later in the week

Hi there, I just wanted to update this thread. On the third day my little boy was clinging to me and didn't want to go in but we coaxed him in and the manager assured me he was fine for the two hours that he was there. I didn't have an further contact with the key worker, I think I annoyed her!

My little boy was really anxious all day and then had the most terrible night sleep where he was up most of the night. He was supposed to bring him in for his first full day the next day but I knew it was too much for him especially without sleep. So I called and said I wasn't bringing him in.

I'm unsure what to do now. We were all really happy with having a nanny a few days a week and I'd rather stick with her but the dr suggested nursery was best for his speech and social development. I think I might wait a few months and look around other nurseries. I'm also thinking a child minder might be a better solution.

@HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel I would definitely go with your gut about nurseries, and also take with a pinch of salt what the paediatrician is saying about nurseries. As long as whoever cares for him chats to him and has 'conversations' (giving him room to reply, even if it's not with words), sings to/with him and reads with him then his speech will come.

Their development is so individual, there are children at my son's nursery who barely speak in 2-3 class, and children in under-2s who chat away. Either he'll get there in his own time, whether with nanny, childminder or nursery, or he'll need some extra support further down the line. You can't prevent a speech issue with nursery.

It doesn't sound like the nursery in your posts is going to be a particularly supportive environment for your son. They aren't all like that, of course, but it doesn't seem like that one is a good fit.

[quote olliepollie]@HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel I would definitely go with your gut about nurseries, and also take with a pinch of salt what the paediatrician is saying about nurseries. As long as whoever cares for him chats to him and has 'conversations' (giving him room to reply, even if it's not with words), sings to/with him and reads with him then his speech will come.

Their development is so individual, there are children at my son's nursery who barely speak in 2-3 class, and children in under-2s who chat away. Either he'll get there in his own time, whether with nanny, childminder or nursery, or he'll need some extra support further down the line. You can't prevent a speech issue with nursery.

It doesn't sound like the nursery in your posts is going to be a particularly supportive environment for your son. They aren't all like that, of course, but it doesn't seem like that one is a good fit. [/quote]
Totally agree

Thank you so much @olliepollie. I know lots of children get upset their first day of nursery and if I felt it was the right place for us, I would persevere but my gut instinct says not.

I don't think the key worker is being particularly helpful. Lots of children either don't talk or say very little at two and are not delayed. Surely nursery is for playing and having fun anyway and that is the best way to develop speech. There will also be quiet children who are intent on one activity, such as building something out of lego, or drawing.

Why say one word when none will do?

As others have suggested, I'd try and find another nursery which doesn't put labels on children on their first day.

Hi HeyDuggee I feel for you, it must be so hard leaving them (I've not had to do that with mine yet) and then having a feeling that the setting it's right, then I can totally see why you didn't take him in. His mummy has got his back :)

A nanny would be able to take your DS to activities around other children - and a nursery is always an option down the line

Thank you for your kind comments @Maggiesfarm and @NigellaSeed

Hey I can relate. When my son was around 2 at nursery there was a new keyworker who started and was saying he had speech delay - blah blah blah!

I had been happy with the nursery before her and staff. I took him to see a health visitor who said she was talking nonsense 😂 I fed that back to the nursery and provided her name should they need to follow it up! Obviously the manager absolutely didn't need to do this!

Honestly my son is 10 now and once his voice came he has never shut up! 😂😂 the most chatty kid in the school.

Go with your gut and there are lots of other ways to promote speech etc! Good luck x

This sounds appalling. Definitely look for a different nursery. My child’s nursery is unbelievably supportive when you first settle a child in, realising the mum’s are just as anxious as the kids.

Don’t worry, you’ll find a nursery you like I’m sure.

Oh and as for the talking, my son was the same. Now age 2.5 his speech is improving lots, he has rapidly caught up some of the gap and now has full sentences, with verbs, knows all his colours etc. So I expect your son will be fine. Nursery does help. If it’s a good one.

Don’t send him there if your gut says it’s not right for him. My dd didn’t talk much at that age but it came at about 2.5. My other dc was completely different. They all develop at their own pace and a nursery where they’re not happy won’t help at all. If you have alternative childcare (you mentioned a nanny?) id just stick with that until he’s a bit older. A lot of children take to nursery better at 3 when they want to play with other children a bit more.

I'm a childminder many of have had training in speech development with courses like Ecat and Elkan and speech supporting signing like singalong. It might be worth looking around. The Ican website also has good ideas anyone can adopt. Unfortunately many specialists don't understand how childminders work or how well parents can adopt techniques.

If you have a good nanny I would just talk to her about how you can get him interacting with other children more - it has been hard over the last year or so. Then maybe try with a nursery or pre school again later.

Thank you. I have pulled him out of the nursery that I wasn't happy with and we're sticking with the nanny twice a week until after covid restrictions and I can look around nurseries / child minders properly and potentially try again when he's older.

We do lots of play dates, play groups and classes so we are getting out and about and doing new things all the time.

I know this thread was a while ago, but I wanted to comment. I'm a Speech Therapist and I get annoyed by the 'nursery will help talking' line, as it is not the only way. Having 1:1 time with you and a good nanny and being around other children at groups sounds great and just as good, if not better, than nursery. Under 3s learn mainly from talking with a responsive adult. I think it's from 3 onwards that they really benefit from the social interaction at nursery. Before that, casual opportunities like groups or the playground are plenty. As you didn't get a good vibe, I think you made the right choice for your family.

Thank you so much for your input @BendingSpoons xx