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help me decide what to do about sensitive wee DD2 please

51 replies

nailpolish · 11/10/2007 14:06

she goes to nursery mondays and thursdays

she has only just started (10th week)
previous to this she has been at home with me full time - she is not clingy, but is very coothie

she cries when dh takes her out the door (she goes to nursery at dh's office - they get the bus together)

she sobs all the way on the bus. dh says she is genuinely sad and "just wants mummy"

dh thinks the days she goes are "too far apart" and if she did the 2 days in a row it would be slightly better. we have the option to do mondays and tuesdays.

he also suggests we send her 3 days - monday tues and thurs

i think dh is just trying to think of ways of getting her 'used' to nursery

i ask dd2 things like "do you like nursery?" "is it fun?" she doesnt tell me what she does at nursery but then she is a bit small for that just now.

she doesnt scream and cling to me - it seems she does want to go and that she enjoys it

she is just sad and sobs the whole way

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NAB3 · 11/10/2007 14:10

The trouble with 2 days together is that it is a long time before she went again. When my son went to playschool he did Monday and Thursday, then Mon, Wed, Friday, then added Tues before going every day.

NAB3 · 11/10/2007 14:11

How old is she?

(Are you feeling better now?)

nailpolish · 11/10/2007 14:11

oh i dont want her to go every day
i dont need her to go every day
i work mondays and thrusdays, but i can work mond tues and thurs if i want

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nailpolish · 11/10/2007 14:12

she is 3 next week

(not feeling any better - ahving tests tomorrow and results next week. thanks NAB )

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NAB3 · 11/10/2007 14:15

Maybe do 3 days until she gets settled and then drop back to two?

Could you take her on the bus?

nailpolish · 11/10/2007 14:16

no i cant take her on the bus - im still at work (nightshift)

i owuld if i could though

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NAB3 · 11/10/2007 14:20

Oh I hate problems I can't solve!

nailpolish · 11/10/2007 14:28

thanks anyway NAB for replying

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nailpolish · 11/10/2007 15:24


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nailpolish · 11/10/2007 15:52

can anyone help?

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MrsPuddleduck · 11/10/2007 16:01

Have you thought about using a childminder - I can't rave enough about mine.

DS1 went to nursery - I never even considered a childminder - I didn't want him dragged off on the school run and wanted him to interact with other children.

DS2 goes to a childminder. When I first started looking for one I realised that there are childminders who just look after children in their home as they would do their own but there are also childminders who run what I would call a "mini nursery" - which is what I picked for DS2.

My childminder has a dedicated playroom in her house, she goes to playgroups with the children (so DS2 goes to a playgroup once a week) and she also takes him to a "messy play session" on Friday mornings.

She has an assistant 3 days a week - so on those days there are 6 children at her house - which to me is enough social interacion for an 18 month old.

She may fit in better to a smaller environment.

pagwatch · 11/10/2007 16:03

I do think that going more regularly may actually help. I put my DD into nursery for 3 days fairly early on because it made it easier for her to get the routine. But I then didn't increase the days until just before she started school. She did three mornings until the last term before school at which point I increased to four.
If you increased to three morn could you go in with her on the other morning for a while? Perhaps you could see how she is doping there and get a feel for whether this is a behaviour that stops as soon as she is left there IYSWIM. I hung around at DD's nursery for the first few weeks and I saw lots of children who would be upset until parent left and then they would join in and be fine . I had always assumed nursery staff were just being kind when they described this phenomena .

This is probably no help but I did try

tigerschick · 11/10/2007 16:03

Can't help much but I agree with NAB that 2 days together would mean that there was a really big gap until she went again. If you want to change days then what about Tuesday and Thursday?

Sorry, not much help. Hope someone comes along very soon as it sounds like it's really getting to you all.

tweetyfish · 11/10/2007 16:03

If you're at work on the nightshift is it possible that she doesn't want to leave the house until you're home? Might feel strange to her? I have no idea how to make it easier though, how .

My DS started nursery mon-tue-wed and it was a long time until the monday again.

Sheherazadethegoat · 11/10/2007 16:03

hi np, dd 3 1/2 has always been pretty useless at going to nursery. we upped her days to 3 a few months ago and she really settled down alot more. there are still bad days but generally i think she feels more part of things now and has her own little gang. i think 2 days in a row would also be better, dd now understands that there are nursery days and days when she is at home but it is more understandable cos it is all in a block.

good luck, dd has been going since 8 months and i still feel like crying when i leave her.

nailpolish · 11/10/2007 16:04

d'you know - i tried to find a childminder. dd1 goes to primary school and i asked around - the only response i got was that a lot of the other mothers had tried in vain to find childminders and not found one - it seems to be a real problem in this area
i even tried the council

but that was a few months ago - maybe ill try again

thanks willmouse

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MrsPuddleduck · 11/10/2007 16:07

It's a good idea. Chilminders have recently got their act together in recent years.

I got the list from my local council. You need to visit quite a few - and weedle them out over the phone first (you can usually tell if they're not suitable).

The only thing is the really good ones are usually quite busy - but well worth the wait.

I told my Childminder this morning that she is doing such a fantastic job I'm not going to put DS2 into a playgroup. He can just go straight into the school nursery at 4.

Best of luck.

nailpolish · 11/10/2007 18:11

i picked dd2 up today - normally dh collects her after his work and they come home together

the teachers swore blind she is ok as soon as dh goes away and htat she has lots of fun and plays all day long. the agreed she is a coothie girl and needs lots of cuddles - i said please please cuddle her - i know lots of people dont encourage staff the cuddle the children but i ws inssiting on it and they said they do like to cuddle - she is one of the smallest there and she gets to sit on knees at storytime etc

they agreed an extra day might help - its a holiday next week so i have some time to think about it

thansk all for listening and replying

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NAB3 · 12/10/2007 13:59

Any more thoughts?

nailpolish · 12/10/2007 14:05

im going to think about it next week - which is half term here
i am leaning towards changing the days from mon and thurs to mon tues and thurs - she might get to know the other children and staff a bit better and feel more part of the group and get more used to it
i can also work 3 days a week instead of 2 (i prefer 3) but thats an aside.

i just cant decide

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nailpolish · 12/10/2007 14:06

childmionders here just dont seem to exist

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Fimbo · 12/10/2007 14:11

Perhaps you should set up childminding business (I am considering it).

What about telling her if she doesn't cry on the bus for a whole week (or the days she goes) you will take her out for the day somewhere on the weekend as a treat. This has worked with my friend's 9 year old.

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 14:11

Hope you work something out

nailpolish · 12/10/2007 14:13

oh god fimbo i can hardly cope wiht my own 2 never mind other peoples

fimbo she is only 3 (well her 3rd birthday is next week)
i dont think she would quite get that. i just want her to be happy

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Marne · 12/10/2007 14:13

Is she ok once she gets there?

Dd (3.6) has been at nursery for a month and a bit, she goes 3 days a week, (mon,wed,fri), she crys from the moment she gets up until i get her to nursery, soon as i'm gone she stops crying. She refuses to talk about her day at nursery and makes out she is ill before we go.

I'm thinking of putting dd in evry day (not to be mean) as then she won't have the days off to get herself worked up about going the next day.

Sorry i can't be much help as i am running out of ideas for dd, we are trying a sticker chart (which does'nt seem to be working).

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