'Naughty' is it acceptable to use

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A worker at my DD's nursery often tells me my DD hasn't been listening. Today my mum picked her up and the worker told her that my DD had to have a couple of 'time outs' for not listening.

My DD is 3 yrs and 2 months old. She has said to me tonight a couple of times, and again at bedtime, that "Anna told me I am naughty at nursery today'

So my question is is it acceptable to use the word naughty or does it label children - something I avoid at home. Would you have a word with the team leader?

My DD loves nursery and I don't want her to start disliking it by being told off - yes when she goes to pre school it has to be stricter but she's not in that room until September. I just want her to play at this age, whilst still learning boundaries.

As in they go so far at our nursery they were reading a book and I was in the room I saw the page and it said something about "naughty monkey" and the nursery teacher read aloud "crazy monkey!" That's how anti naughty they are
If you don't want them to call her naughty you tell them to stop
But they need to address why it is that she is not doing what they need

Also my son did not want to sit down and read at nursery for almost a year
And he still runs off, comes away from table and begs to go in the garden etc and is not called naughty but I would tell him he was naughty if he just got out of his chair and walked away at dinner time!

As an early years teacher, I agree that it can be harmful to tell a child that they are naughty. I always focus on the behaviour, as I believe that telling a young child that they are naughty is inappropriate - behaviour can be unkind or unacceptable, but the child needs to believe that they can adapt it, and being told you are naughty can become a self-fulfilling prophecy - why bother trying to be anything else if adults are already telling that you are naughty?

I'm sure that people will say you're being too sensitive or precious, but I wouldn't like my child to be told they are naughty either. Challenge the behaviour, of course, but children need to believe that it's possible to make positive changes. How we speak to young children is very, very important.

Fosters I know Plenty of people use it and it works a charm. I think it works better when it’s your own child, I’m not convinced in childcare settings.

I look after children and I never use the
Word naughty. I give time out for children who repeatedly hit other children as I find this seems to be the only way for them to realise that it's unkind to another person. But this also helps take them out of the situation. I believe in being positive and distracting children because they are just that - children!!

It's fine to say "that" was naughty. Not you are naughty. IMHO

I'm exactly the same as candle.

I work with young children and never call them naughty. I just explain what they are doing and why it's not right (age appropriately obviously) and distract them. I only use time out for hitting and even then only for repeated behaviour.

Blimey. If I was going to use time out for not listening I might as well set up using only chairs and sit them all down when they come in...just to save time. I spend half my day repeating myself. I don't even realise I'm doing it until my 11 year old says "I know Mum, you just said that."

I’m kind of with the OP here. I remember watch an episode of secret life of 4 year olds where one little boy said ‘I wish I wasn’t so naughty’ ‘I’m always the naughty one’ he was so used to being told it that he lived up to it and then was sad about it. Even when you label the behaviour and not the child it’s a bit generic and meaningless.
I agree that it’s better to label the behaviour more accurately and explain. Not using naughty doesn’t mean having no boundaries, I wouldn’t let my toddler bang on a shop window with a stone but I wouldn’t tell him it was naughty, as someone else said I’d tell him it was dangerous and could break or scratch the glass. I’d take the stone off him and endure the resulting tantrum - it’s still a boundary that he can’t do that, especially when he’d already been told not to.
All that said my toddler is only young and I’m already finding it hard to articulate simply why he shouldn’t do certain things, some are easy, they are dangerous, unkind, hurt people, make them sad or make things messy or untidy that have to be cleared up. Some that impact people more subtly are very hard and I can see myself struggling in the future to be clear and still try to avoid a generic ‘naughty’ as much as possible.

YABU for calling naughty "the n word". It demeans how serious the use of the actual n word is.

Sorry I w been in a webinar for a couple of hours - I'll read all your comments now.

Im thinking I do need a chat with nursery as otherwise t will just worry me.

The time out issue is really concerning after reading some of your helpful advice. I agree if they do this for not listening then where can they go from there.

Tellycushion duly noted. I was responding to a PP who had used it within this context. I'm sure they will note it too.

The thing is, children know what naughty means.
Even when adults are totally forbidden from using it, children will still say "I was naughty today/snatching is naughty/William is a naughty boy".

No I wouldn't have liked that. There are better ways to correct a child's behaviour than calling her naughty and I would expect a nursery to have a better behaviour policy than that.

I once heard a secondary teacher explaining to a student who was learning a poem that naughty had come from the word "naught" meaning "nothing". That "naughty" used to mean "you are worth nothing". I vowed there and then never to call a child naughty again.

Of course, children don't understand that meaning of the word but it really knocked it home that when you call a child naughty you are, essentially, name-calling.

It's been said already, but it's far better to explain what a child is doing and why it's wrong.

Time-outs should also only be used to remove a child from a situation that is dangerous to them or another child. Removing a child for not listening is surely just giving them what they want?
"I don't want to stop playing and listen to Anna. Hooray! Anna's put me on my own away from her. Now I don't have to sit still and listen with the rest of the group"

Call you DD naughty and giving her 8 time-outs in the space of, what? 3hrs? Shows a serious lack of imagination on the part of the nursery in terms of how to deal with typical 3yr old selective hearing. Definitely have a word with them.

I don't like children to be told that they are naughty it should be about their behaviour and making choices, I'm not sure I like telling someone they are good either as others can start to think she's good I'm not and it can put loads of pressure on a good child...again its behaviour that is nice, kind etc.

I think you should ascertain what the teacher meant about not listening and then go from there..
was the request a reasonable one given your childs developmental stage - ie sit and listen to a story for 10 minutes might be hard for her as against please do not push 3 times...the later might need a time out if it keeps happening but both could come under not listening to some.
If its a new thing I would rule out hearing - does she do it everywhere or just school.
Is the activity interesting enough - activities should follow children's interests.
I would then talk to the staff about why she is now thinking she is a naughty child and discuss words and methods that could e more effective. If its a problem like short attention span maybe they could do work to extend it which would be beneficial to all children like bucket time.

Thanks everyone. I sent an email last night and I haven't had a response yet. It could be they will speak to me at pick up tonight. My dad dropped her off at lunchtime and nothing was said.

I will update later.

Naughty was a forbidden word at the nursery I used to work at. At first I found it odd but it's stuck now and I don't like to hear it. I prefer positive reinforcement high we all know is impossible to use at all times but I expect extra patience from child caters