'Naughty' is it acceptable to use

[Smiler1972]

A worker at my DD's nursery often tells me my DD hasn't been listening. Today my mum picked her up and the worker told her that my DD had to have a couple of 'time outs' for not listening.

My DD is 3 yrs and 2 months old. She has said to me tonight a couple of times, and again at bedtime, that "Anna told me I am naughty at nursery today'

So my question is is it acceptable to use the word naughty or does it label children - something I avoid at home. Would you have a word with the team leader?

My DD loves nursery and I don't want her to start disliking it by being told off - yes when she goes to pre school it has to be stricter but she's not in that room until September. I just want her to play at this age, whilst still learning boundaries.

I tell my own children they are being naughty ( 9 years and 2 years. )
But in the workplace we are not allowed to say this. It is rather " their behaviour is making me sad"or "they are being unkind" for example. (3 years to 5 years )
I would meet and ask what the behaviour is that they don't like. Ie biting/ running / shouting. Then it could be worked on at home too and you child night not find the transition from home to nursery so hard.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I agree with you. I'm a nursery teacher (in a school so a bit different, but still 3-4 year olds) and wouldn't use the word naughty. I've had a total of perhaps 8 time outs in the whole class of 39 since September and the behaviour is good, probably because we talk to children about what to do next time instead if there's an incident, and we emphasise what we expect in terms of behaviour and listening. If your DD has had multiple time outs in one day, obviously they're not working and staff need to work with you to find another way. I don't think your daughter will be damaged, it's just not helpful to call a child naughty when you're working to improve their behaviour.

Thanks alcoholics I was beginning to wonder if I'd posted in AIBU for a minute.

She is a 'good' child and multiple time outs in a half day not even a full day...

No other worker pulls me up about this and I just want to nip it in the bud early.

Transition to nursery has been a breeze (she started in September). She'd rather be there than at home.

I’d ask for clarification on when she isn’t listening. Do they cue her in by name, is it when she’s doing a particular activity or during carpet time. How long has she been asked to sit for if it’s the latter. Is she being deliberately difficult or has she genuinely not heard them. Then talk with her and offer some encouragement from home when she listens to you. She’s still little, lots to explore at nursery so I wouldn’t worry.

I wouldn’t be happy with the time outs either but that’s because I don’t think they are a good method of behaviour management.

Nope! Not for me. You can dicipline with out calling a child naughty.

It’s just the start of name calling isn’t it.

Why don’t you have a word with your daughter instead? Explain why her behaviour was not good and what she should have done and why.

Support your daughter to behave well rather than taking exception when she’s been told off.

Some really good points thanks. Even the ones about me being precious

I'll have a word at pick up tomorrow but I agree I don't like time outs as a method.

It's when they have to stop playing or she is running around. Both things she has to learn to stop doing.

In my experience nurseries usually involve saying the word naughty these days. I agree that there is a world of difference between "that was naughty" and "you are naughty". If she is having more time outs than you would expect i would have an informal chat at pick up, if you can, and mention it then.

I have done whisper and again I haven't taken offence at her being told off. It's the use of a label I'm concerned with.

Support your daughter to behave well rather than taking exception when she’s been told off

This. Not listening is really unacceptable behaviour and she will really struggle in school if it continues. Having to be told several times indicates this is something she really struggles with so work with her to find out why and nip it in the bud before it negatively impacts her education.

I have no problem with the word naughty, but I don't know that not listening counts as naughty. Small children are easily distracted, and find it difficult to concentrate. It's not deliberate.

She’s so little though! That’ll take her a while to learn.

You could help her by teaching her to copy the actions of others. Put on some music and that she has to stop dancing when you stop dancing. Or when you are playing together, if you stop then she has to stop etc. Give her praise for doing this and explain it’s like nursery. Ask what they do to tell the children it’s time to stop (eg. Clap or sing) and replicate that when you are with her. This is what nursery should be doing, rather than time outs (to be fair to them, they may be doing this but some children take a bit longer to do it).

I agree 100% psychobabble and I have asked this worker what I can do at home to help. No advice given.

Small children are easily distracted, and find it difficult to concentrate. It's not deliberate

It absolutely can be deliberate, but even if its not it still needs to be overcome as this behaviour is challenging for the staff and can be detrimental to the child. What if she's distracted ot chooses not to listen and ends up having an accident etc?

I agree with you and would think it was a teacher without good training using something her family might say. My DD went to such a great daycare at that age and the teachers were very experienced . I would have been surprised to hear them use that word. They had really great techniques for helping to improve childten’s behaviour. They let parents spend time there after pick up - I stole techniques from them.

I don't really know why time outs are so controversial. It's the only thing my toddler responds to, they really calm him down.

It's no good my getting down on his level and telling him I understand how he feels while he's thrashing round screaming because his banana broke in half or I won't let him sit on the cat as he's just too cross to listen to that.

A 3 year old not listening isn’t unusual behaviour.

It's not the word 'naughty' that makes it 'labelling'! There's nothing wrong with the word naughty. It just means badly-behaved, and children are often badly behaved at times!

The point is that there's a big difference between saying "You are a naughty child" and saying "You were naughty today/ that was naughty/ don't be naughty". The former implies that it's an innate characteristic. The others do not.

Thanks stuckhere great tips. I will try those.

I work in a different field but a good friend of mine would be able to advise. I will ask her for some ideas and let you know OP

Time outs aren’t controversial, I just don’t think they really work. That’s just my experience of many, many years working with children.

Where do you go when something serious happens if you give a time out for not listening?

At school we label the behaviour rather than the child.

So, a child may be told "that was a naughty thing to do" or "what a rude thing to say/do" rather than 'you are a naughty boy/girl" 'you are a rude child."

I am very lucky that she rarely has 'melt downs' I can calm her by getting down onto her level or leaving her to stew it over for a while. We don't need time outs.

This is why I find it surprising it's needed at nursery.

Nothing brought up at parents evening two weeks ago by her jet worker

*key worker

She doesn't work with jets.

Where do you go when something serious happens if you give a time out for not listening?

I have no idea, I'm just telling you what works for my kiddo.