Am I justified in going off the nursery?

[bebsy]

I saw a few nurserys and chose one a few weeks ago. I took dd for a settling in session and stayed with her. DD seemed happy enough - played, watched the other kids, sat with nursery staff and didn't cry. I asked loads of questions and was very happy too - really liked the staff, had a good feeling about the place, they answered all my questions well.

Then I took dd for her next settling in session where I left her on her own. I left nursery with care plan that they asked me to complete, told them things that had to be done etc. Left dd happily playing with staff.

When I came back I could hear her crying from outside. Got inside and she was screaming. When she came to me she calmed down and staff were ready to send her home but I could smell that her nappy was full. They hadn't even seemed to have realised this until I pointed it out and they changed it. The care plan hadn't been read as it was in the exact same place I'd left it in. At one point the staff in the room wasn't the right ratio for the number of kids in there. I questioned it and was told that staff had just popped in to other room.

I can understand dd crying as it's to be expected, what with being without me in a new place and with new people but I think they should have noticed her nappy shouldn't they? How concerned should I be about the ratio thing? Is it usual for staff to go between rooms and the ratio be incorrect? Also, what about the care plan - what's the point in having it if it isn't going to be read or do they tend not to bother with this for a settling session? I thought it would be even more important for the first time.

I know everyone says go with your gut instinct and I did that when I chose this nursery as it felt right compared to all the others, but now I have really gone off it and don't want to leave dd. Shouldn't my gut instinct have realised that in the first place? I feel like I've really let dd down by leaving her there on her own, she's been off since going there, hasn't eaten much. Am now looking at childminders, but how do you tell whether they are any good. Spoke to one today and she sounds perfect...just like the nursery did???

Or is this just how settling in sesions go? Should I give it another go? I really like the staff there and think it will be good for dd to go to nursery.

Sorry for so many questions btw, my minds in a whirl atm.

Hope someone can help. Comments are very much appreciated.

My DS is in nursery and the girls do sometimes have to nip between rooms but they always ring someone in another room to make sure there is the correct ratio back in there ASAP.
The full nappy should be noticed ... you do have to go on gut instinct - how long has your DD been there?

no advice really just a bump... how old is your dd?

I would be annoyed if they hadn't thought to check/change her nappy if she was there a while... tbh cm/nursery whatever you decide there will be niggles, but cm is more personal, and if you get a good one it would be worth it, would you be able to try similar sessions ith the cm to see how you felt?

Go andvisit the childminder you spoke to, and maybe some others.It doesn't mean you have to have any of them, but it might help you decide. Ask if you would be able to talk to any of the parents they're minding for, or who have minded for previously. (I am a childminder, so obviously biased!)

Thanks for your replys.

We've just been to the settling in sessions atm, which were 1 - 1+1/2hrs long. She's meant to do 2 full morning sessions next week but I'm unsure about leaving her there for that long.

DD is 6.5 months. I'm hoping to do sessions with the CM i spoke to today but will have to let nursery know I won't be using it. Could end up with nowhere for her to go and am going back to work part time in a week.

It feels like my gut instinct isn't working as I was really pleased with the sound of this nursery but not so sure now.

sorry cross posting.

The OFSTED report was good and didn't mention anything about this.

I think I will definitly speak to the nursery manager next week and see what she says - thanks for that NJ. However, I do think the nursery manager is on the ball but all the nurserys and CMs I've spoken to seem to talk the talk and I imagine she'll just assure me everything will be addressed.

I'm also going to try and see the CM before going to the nursery so I can see if I'd be happier with CM instead - thanks TP. I wish I'd checked out CM's earlier but just went the nursery route as I wanted dd to be in a larger setting.

Gosh, it's so difficult. I thought I'd found the perfect nursery until today.

DH thinks we should give nursery another go as we need to give nursery a chance to get to know dd, but surely these are the basics that apply to any child?

I'd still check out the childminder option too. I know it suits many people for a myriad of reasons to use nurseries for little ones, but I personally would have found them a bit overwhelming for my dcs at that age. I'm sure the care is usually excellent and also I'd be discussing your concerns with the manager if you can.

You never know, your dd may have been screaming with a stomach ache or something similar and finally managed to poo it out just as you arrived. Hence the staff not realising.
Just trying to think of reason why she might not have been changed.

I think it's really hard for nurseries.If a parent 'catches' them doing somethnig that seems a bit off,then they are damned yet as parents,we often do stuff that isn't ideal.

NJ - She was there for just over an hour (should've been 1+1/2 hours but I couldn't wait!)

They don't seem keen on more than 2 settling in sessions unless baby is crying alot and is very unsettled. They weren't concerned about dd's crying, as in they didn't think she'd cried any more than they'd expect and were happy for her to go in for full sessions next week. Maybe I should have pushed for another settling in session? I expect her to be unsettled, but am more concerned about the dirty nappy and whether they'd tried to soothe her or just left her in the auto-swing thing (sorry don't know the name of it) to settle her. They obviously didn't try any of the things I'd written in the care plan.

I asked about ratios and they said one of the girls was between rooms, didn't say why. Nursery Manager then came in and ratio was made up - but would she have come in if she hadn't heard me asking about it?

Whereabouts is your nursery? (she asks hopefully!)

WW - They didn't really know and said she had been crying since her milk was due so it could've been a combination of things - she hadn't had her milk off the staff so was hungry OR looked tired to me OR dirty nappy (which I had to tell them about).

I wish I'd questioned more when I picked her up today, but I didn't think to at the time as was too concerned about sobbing dd. I did ask about the nappy changing situation and surprise surprise, they assured me she would be checked and changed regularly. I did point out that I had to tell them to change her and got the same assurances. See, they all talk the talk but in practice it seems to be a bit different.

I'm glad your dd is settling in well - it's nice her brother is there to make it easier for her. Good luck to you aswell with going back to work.

Hope no-one at the nursery reads this as I think they could very well figure me out!

I just don't know what to do now, I think it's shattered my confidence in myself being able to pick a good place.

Well this nursery says the settling in sessions are free but you pay a retainment fee for the place which is non-refundable - so in my eyes the sessions aren't free. Most of the posts on MN seem to imply that most nurserys encourage parents to come in as often as they like to settle their child so I was surprised when I found out the nursery had a limit. Also, not sure why it would really affect them if I'm with lo.

I'm in West Midlands so I think Hampshires out of the question, which is a shame as your nursery sounds really good.

In defence of this nursery though, the kids always look happy when I've been there, they aren't shy about going for cuddles with the staff, the place is always clean, staff are really friendly and have always answered the many questions I've had (by phone or when I'm there), they are happy to go with my routine until lo gets older and will eventually fall in to their routine, good ofsted report, well qualified staff...these are the reasons I chose it!

I've just been reading the ofsted report for the cm I liked today and her report is quite impressive reading. I think I will definitly check her out next week as I may be a bit happier with a bit of a smaller environment for lo where she will get a bit more attention. I will also see about another settling in session at the nursery as I have to pay a month up front if dd goes in for a full session and that seems like too much of a commitment if I'm not happy with the place.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice. It's been really helpful to have some other opinions - my heads not whirling as much now!

Make sure you tell the Nursery manager, she should be aware or if not should investigate why there was not enough staff in the room when u collected child. It may been due to one of the staff setting up for the next day or emptying bins changing nappies or doing staff duties, however if your child had a dirty nappy that is not really acceptable unless the staff was awaiting for other staff to return to the room to change the child. Childminders are awesome alternatives just make sure they are registered and have excellent references and are police checked. If they are regestered they should be, however check to date. Worth checking their disipline policy too, as many childminders and parents can clash on this once employed. Good luck!

I would definitely go for a good childminder over a nursery for a baby (having used nursery for ds when he was 7mos - wouldn't do it again). I'd be very worried about them ignoring the full nappy and, it sounds like, not comforting a crying baby. And the ratio.

where in the west midlands are you?

It's the first time I've seen the incorrect ratio and she was back in a few minutes - I think it was a case of popping out. I just wasn't sure whether this was usual and it seems like it is.

After listing the pro's of the nursery I seem to have convinced myself that it is as good as I thought it was but will still check out the cm.

Moondogs comment is also thought provoking. I agree with it to a certain extent in that parents don't always do the ideal thing but I always change dd's nappy asap if it's dirty. On the other hand I don't always pick dd up to soothe her if she's crying, will just try various things if all the obvious things have been done i.e. nappy changed, fed, slept etc. I guess the problem here was that dd had all 3 at the same time and i think the nursery staff should have at least tried to do the basics before putting her in the rocker thing. Also it's somehow different if they get it wrong iyswim.

NA I'm near wolves (don't want to give too much away in case they're reading - although I have listed their pro's so not sure why I'm worrying!)

i doubt they are reading lol!

if you don't want to say where on here, email me. [email protected]

i'm not far from there either and might be able to tell you of some good places.

I've sent you an email NA just in case they are out there!