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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Am I justified in going off the nursery?

34 replies

bebsy · 27/04/2007 20:59

I saw a few nurserys and chose one a few weeks ago. I took dd for a settling in session and stayed with her. DD seemed happy enough - played, watched the other kids, sat with nursery staff and didn't cry. I asked loads of questions and was very happy too - really liked the staff, had a good feeling about the place, they answered all my questions well.

Then I took dd for her next settling in session where I left her on her own. I left nursery with care plan that they asked me to complete, told them things that had to be done etc. Left dd happily playing with staff.

When I came back I could hear her crying from outside. Got inside and she was screaming. When she came to me she calmed down and staff were ready to send her home but I could smell that her nappy was full. They hadn't even seemed to have realised this until I pointed it out and they changed it. The care plan hadn't been read as it was in the exact same place I'd left it in. At one point the staff in the room wasn't the right ratio for the number of kids in there. I questioned it and was told that staff had just popped in to other room.

I can understand dd crying as it's to be expected, what with being without me in a new place and with new people but I think they should have noticed her nappy shouldn't they? How concerned should I be about the ratio thing? Is it usual for staff to go between rooms and the ratio be incorrect? Also, what about the care plan - what's the point in having it if it isn't going to be read or do they tend not to bother with this for a settling session? I thought it would be even more important for the first time.

I know everyone says go with your gut instinct and I did that when I chose this nursery as it felt right compared to all the others, but now I have really gone off it and don't want to leave dd. Shouldn't my gut instinct have realised that in the first place? I feel like I've really let dd down by leaving her there on her own, she's been off since going there, hasn't eaten much. Am now looking at childminders, but how do you tell whether they are any good. Spoke to one today and she sounds perfect...just like the nursery did???

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luckylady74 · 28/04/2007 00:40

i don't usually get into this debate, but ik have limited experince of both cm and nursry and i really felt that the cm was the right option for the under 3 because she just knew them better - i was really lucky because i wanted them to have a 2nd mum and that's what they got - the same person all the time just meant she was in tune with them and they were part of what felt like an extended family.i'm sure this is possible with a nursery, but i do think it's harder to achieve. i agree with moondog though that asnapshot impression may not be the full story, but i think a little more care when settling in could be hoped for.

nappyaddict · 28/04/2007 00:43

emailed you back

madamez · 28/04/2007 00:43

Regarding the nappy: um, was it a freshly filled one or had it sort of dried on a bit?
(I know the difference not because I am a bad lazy mother but from times when DS has shat when we're away from home and out of clean nappies...) Because sometimes a LO can produce the most enormous amount of poop in about 3 seconds flat.

Original poster

bebsy · 28/04/2007 00:55

I don't know as they changed it when I pointed it out to them. DD's bum was red though when I changed her nappy again which happens if it's been on her bum a while or she's got the runs (which she hasn't).

Maybe I'm being overly fussy - I don't know.

OP posts:

maxbear · 29/04/2007 20:50

My dd was with a friend from 9 months until 18 months which worked out well but then due to her and my work times clashing it sadly had to end. Leaving her at nursery the first time was like losing an arm, it just felt so odd. I went home and phoned a friend and as soon as she said are you ok I just burst in to tears. Any way dd was fine and now that she is 2 y 3 months she loves it. It must be so hard to leave a child as young as six months and although I know all the staff in dd's nursery now and feel confident that they do their job well I would still find it hard to leave a six month old with them. You just don't realise how strong that bond is until you have to leave them. It is like an invisible umbilical cord! I hope it works out for you

gingersj · 29/04/2007 21:02

Both of mine have been in nursery from 4 months old and it is tough. I know there is a massive difference between places and my only advice is to talk to the manager and just get this aired. Worst case, you get branded a fussy mummy which means they go out of their way for you...

Saying that, I got given last week a file on my 4 year old of all of his nursery stuff and I was f'ing mortified to find a SENCO report (Special Educational Needs or something) that I knew nothing about. I have spoken to them about it and they will rectify it - but it was awful to read and I spent 20 mins outside school in the car crying about how I had let him down, what a sht mum I am etc....

Anyway, talk to them, see what they say and say you would like more settling in time. They should offer you more, if they don't then that tells you a lot in itself...

Good luck!

funnypeculiar · 29/04/2007 21:18

Oh Bebsy, it's horrid isn't it - you think you've made a good decision and then ...

Being rational, I'd say, well, dd was probably crying before she did a poo, so they maybe didn't realise there was anything extra amiss. When ds was at nursery, I often noticed things immeadiately I went to him that the staff hadn't noticed all day - not nec that they weren't paying any attention, but I know him best . I think that sometimes nursery staff get immune to the smell of poo, too

My nursery said they recommended two settling in sessions ... but ds did lots more because I didn't

If I was you...

defn talk to the c/m & go & see her - it might give you another perspective that would help make the decision
Raise all concerns with nursery manager; ask if you can have a additional settling in session where you stay for the whole time - give you a chance to watch staff in action a bit more; and ask to talk your key worker through the care plan (ime, they tend to be ignored, I'm afraid)
Remenber that no-one will probably ever be perfect, and that your dd will probably cry a bit. She loves you , But it will get better. I had huge wobbles before going back to work both times - and tbh, in retrospect, they were partly about me being scared of leaving my babes

Original poster

bebsy · 30/04/2007 22:05

Thanks for your replys. I've decided to sack the nursery, I really can't trust them after what they did and even if they do tell me they will do things differently, I just can't believe them. I think I'll still go and see the nursery manager though and tell her why I'm not going to let dd come to their nursery.

I have a few appointments with some childminders and some other nurserys during the week so hopefully something good will come of them.

OP posts:

Nickynappy · 10/05/2007 15:33

Hi,

Sounds pretty rubbish. I am from teh West midlands. Can you email me on [email protected]

So we can chat further away from prying eyes.

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