interested in your thoughts: do pre-schoolers generally benefit from attending nursery?

[Tutter]

ILs always going on about when we will start ds in a nursery - esp now i'm pg again. he'll be 2.2 when the baby is born.

my instinct is that he should be at home with me, but i recognise this may be me being over-protective. i have read steve biddulph's book and it struck a chord but haven't read an opposing view from any other - ahem - experts.

in general he enjoys being with people and has never been clingy with me (but is this because i've always been with him...?).

interested in your opinions.

i'm with you tutter

if he's happy and you're happy, whats to change

suspect many will not agree though. plus am home edding nutter.

must go as kids whingy but will return later to help you fight the good fight if need be

my ds started at 3 yrs,he was ready for it then and can't wait to return there this morning.He adores it there and has made loads of friends and generally loves going.He goes from 9:30-12:15 each day,although he started on just 2/days a week.
I would wait until he's older.

I can't answer for all children but I can answer for my own. Both boys started going 1 day a week at a private day nursery to give me a break when they were 9 months old (now that I know isn't ideal, but at the time it made for a happier mummy/better parent scenario).

Once they got to about 2.5 they both went to a sessional term-time only nursery.

Ds2 has been currently going to the term-time one for one term. He has really missed it over the Christmas hols, and he can't go back today (unlike his brother whose school term starts today) as he still has the remains of a stomach bug. He is GUTTED - really really upset that he can't go.

So, to summarize, in my experience with my boys, they were both very happy going to nursery from a young age and I think it gave them many benefits (not least the opportunity to do arty stuff as I loathe doing craft activities). And by 2.5 both were actively pissed off if they couldn't go for some reason

Also, the main advantage I can see for you, is a break where you're only looking after the new babe (and it is nice to be able to have some one-on-one cooing time with the newborn!) - although it might be best to either start him before the baby arrives (which you may feel is a bit young) or delay for a good few months after the new baby so your ds doesn't feel like he's being pushed out?

You have to do what you feel is best for you and your child, not what others tell you to do.

My child did go to nursery - I work PT - and yes, I can honestly say that yes, she did benefit from this especially as she got older. But that is DD, she was always likely to enjoy nursery and gain from it.

My only concern for you, if you child is going to go to school, is that he might benefit from knowingg about the school type routine for a little while, just 1 or 2 sessions a week, in the run up to this. Some children don't do any nursery and are fine. Others find the transition to school quite hard and knowing others from nursery, or just knowing what to expect, can help them.

Thought about this myself. DS1 is 2.1 and DS2 4 months. Could do with the break, but am very happy the way things are at the moment, plus nursey is another expense we can't afford.

If your happy and he's happy waht's the point in cahnging things.

(not against nurseries btw. Have considered it in the past, but decided to maintain the staus quo()

DS2 goes to a parent-run childcare co-op, where parents do shifts. It's only half days, and he loves it. And I like having a bit of breathing room in my day.

I think full days are a bit much at this age, if you can avoid it, but half days can be nice. Is a playgroup an option where you are?

DS1 went to nursery when he was 3.4. He was really upset about me leaving him to start with, and it broke my heart to do it. I ended up staying with him for about 6 weeks in the end. But now he is settled I can completely see the change in him. He is so much more confident, he wants to do things on his own, he is making lots of friends.
I had never really left him before that, not even with family (maybe 3 times a year for birthdays)I think it's helped me be a bit less clingy with him too, and it lets me have a bit of time with DS2 on his own.
IMO I think 2.2 would is a bit too young though.

Again, can only speak for mine. Ds started nursery (4 mornings a week) when he was 3.3. I think he has benefited hugely from it; he loves going there, has made friends easily and his language and reading skills have come on in leaps and bounds (I'd be accused of bragging if I told you how well he's doing )

Like rubberduck's sons, he gets the chance to do things that I can't/won't do with him - I am useless craft-wise, for example - and he is now at the start where he is genuinely disappointed when it's not a nursery day. He actually asked to be allowed to stay for full-day sessions so now he does two of those a week!

However - I would not have sent him at 2 years old. At 3 he was ready - raring to go, in fact - but at 2 he would have been too young (and I would have hated it).

You know your child best and you know how your set-up works. If your instinct is to keep him at home, do so. You may well find that in another 12 months both of you want a change, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it! HTH

mine went to nursery 3 1/2 days increasing to 3 full days from 8 and 9 months respectively.
i think they have benefitted massively.
obviously only if an excellent nursery though!

My 3-year-old did!

It's done her the world of good.

She's made strides w/speech and developed emotionally in leaps and bounds.

She LOVES the stimulation she gets there from other children and all the different toys and activities.

I think that some preschool experience is very beneficial as preparation for primary school. However the range of provision is enormous, and you can really opt for anything from 2.5 hours per week through to fulltime. Certainly I think that 3 or more 2.5 hour session in the year prior to school entry will help your ds with the social and organisational aspects of school. I'm another mum where some childcare made our household a happier one for the remainder of the time, but in that instance the prime benefit of the childcare was for me resulting in a secondary benefit for the dcs.

Do you know much about the range of provision in your area? I have found that the better preschools/playgroups tend to be over subscribed with a fairly long waiting list. My youngest who starts reception this September attend 4 x 2.5 hours per week in a smallish setting staffed by some lovely older experienced mums, who have sat the NVQ qualifications in order to satisfy OFSTED etc but are instinctively excellent at their job. I also have the choice of a good state nursery but that is only available for the school year prior to reception - some mums start with playgroup then move onto nursery and then onto school. Then finally the school which he will be starting in September has just opened a nursery class so I'm probably goign to start him there 2 days a week after the Feb halfterm (between there and playgroup he will be doing 3.5 school days per week).

2.2 is still little. Some 2yos will benefit if there are other issues (eg delayed speech or imaginative play say), but trust your instincts. The things he needs for reception can easily be absorbed in the year prior to school imo.

Plus DS1 being at home does limit my mn time!

IMHO it very much depends on the child and you.
With my first I felt pressured to get them into pre-school as soon as they were 2 but it is a decision I regretted.

Unless they have to go (becuase you are at work etc) then I think its important that children are with their parents if possible.
At 2 they are learning about boundaries and I personnally beleive that it makes for an easier life if they have one set of rules/opinions to follow.

My children hated going and by the 3 and 4th child I was so much more confident that I went with my instincts and didnt send them until they were 3.5 and 4 yo.

2 questions to think about are:
Do you really want to "have" to take DS out at a set time when you have a new baby?
What with child do that he cant do at home? (story time, painting, books, role play, playdough, crafts can all be done so easily at home)

HTH

thanks all - interesting to hear your experiences - it's helped get my head around keeping him at home for a while longer.

i'm leaning towards the option of starting him a couple of mornings a week in a year or so's time - when he's heading for his 3rd birthday. i'm keen for him to not to have negative associations with the arrival of his younger sibling, and agree that i can provide what a 2yo needs at home. i recognise it's going to be hard work with a newborn and toddler at home - i'm sure there'll be plenty of stressed out threads started by me later this year .

i have yet to suss out local options as we have only just moved to a new area.

I think they do benefit enornously, it hepls them prepare for school. they meet other children and socialise and it can bring on their skills.

DS started just before Xmas going 2-4 days (I work supply so it varies from week to week) Already he has improved his eating and table manners.

He is 21 months and I always intended him to start nursery around his 2nd birthday. Exactly when he went depended on his personality. He is very outgoing and social and full of energy that i can't keep up with! so nursery suits him. If he was shyer like his mate next door I'd probably have left it until he was 2 (another 3-6 months).
I'm another one who can't do crafty stuff so at nursery he gets the chance to do that - plus he gets to play with people his own size! and all on a wipe clean floor rather than his moms carpet.

I think Steve Biddulph like so many experts chooses a 'theme' that is slightly contentious. Dont' make your decision based on what he writes, make it based on what is right for you.

Personally I would suggest starting him in nursery at 2yrs then he has 2 months to adjust before baby arrives (and at that age thats a long time). You get a rest and he doesn't associate new baby with going to nursery.

Two days a week or even two half days would give him time to do 'toddler' things that might be more difficult at home with a new baby.

biddulph irritates the hell out of me, his - ahem - theories do not bear out in any of the experiences of me or my friends. I think nurseries are great for children, but I've been lucky and had my 2 daughters in them for just 3 days a week since they were 7 mths old. but it's v personal - if you do decide to go ahead, do it asap so it's not tied in with the impending birth. hth

Ds1 started at 2.5 at a sessional nursery 3 mornings a week. It worked out well, esp as dts were 11 months when he started, so it gave me some time with them and he was able to painting, messy stuff etc. You say that you can provide this at home, I am sure that it is likely that you can, but remember that it takes a lot out of you to wait until baby is sleeping, get all the paints out, then just as you start baby wakes up.
What I mean is, the best of intentions. I certainly couldn't do it (did have dts though) So for ds1 it was a chance to do all that kind of stuff.
These decisions are always personal so ultimately you have to do what you think is right for your family

my dd at about 2 1/2 went ot private nursery two afternoon sessions a week and i cant begin to tell you how much more secure and confidant she became from her short time there!..nursery school wasa breeze for her and she (4 in april) is one mega confident, outgoing, polite, respectful, gorgeous little girl!

SOrry just another thought - it also depends on you. Do you picture yourself as the perfect earth mother type feeding baby with one hand, hoovering up with another whilst simultanously encouraging your 2 yr old in building a brick tower?

I know thats a bit OTT but I find it hard enough to keep DS occupied all day on the days when we're both at home. There's no way I could do it with a baby in tow as well.

Some thigns DS can do at nursery he CAN'T do at home, he can't play ring a ring a roses at home with just mom, he can't help feed the guinea pig and rabbits at home, he can't learn to ride a trike at home, he can't play in a playtunnel and slide at home (not enough space)

2 yr olds are pretty active and that might be hard to manage with a baby. If you decide to do nursery I'd honestly start him BEFORE the baby arrives, then you get the chance to have 2 months of drop offs and early pick ups with just you and him.

am not perfect earth mother. rofl at thought. though right now, having planted a bunch of mango seeds, I am rather covered in earth. please don't ask why I was planting mango seeds, I can't be arsed to explain.

I had a baby and a toddler, 22 months gap. I did try ds at nursery, he hated it.

All kids are different (well duh, I doubt anyone needs telling that ) and ds is not really a nursery type. He dislikes lots of noise, lots of other kids, etc. Also he is a very late august birthday and can't sit still. And when dd was born he had not started speaking (never stops now...)

Oh and OTOH, nothing wrong with nursery, IMO.

But I would not assume that you NEED to send him. Everyone told me I needed to send ds. I didn't.

So all I am saying is

1. you know your ds and can probably work out whether he will benefit from nursery
2. you know yourself and whether you think you'll need a break.
3. its def possible to have 2 kids with the age gap you'll have without using a nursery or being an earth mother. honestly. But you might get covered in paint and earth.

bascially though if you are not using a nursery you do need a way of finding some time for yourself. whether its co-ordinating naps (bung them in a pushchair and walk to starbucks) or chucking them at your dp for a bit every day, you NEED this time. otherwise you will be exceptionally grumpy, unless you are indeed an earth mother.

oh and IL and fecking nursery

oh yes

aaargh

No personal experience yet, I am intending to send DS to 3 afternoon sessions when no2 arrives. He will be just 2.

If you want to keep your DS with you, go for it. It's up to you and it's not overprotective. Definitely ignore your inlaws.

I do think ILs should be ignored on general principle, unless they are being helpful and supportive.

or my ILs at least. ah if the world just ignored them, how much more birdsong and fluffiness there would be.

(have just returned from a week of them )

ask your ILs to pay for the nursery
at £60 a day each they may shut up.

My dd started at nursery when she was 2 1/2 i would stay with her.

When she was 2years 9mths she goes 2 afternoons a week by herself and absolutes loves it, everyday she ask to go to school.

I does depend on the child, her friends dd who is slightly older then dd realy doesn't like.