interested in your thoughts: do pre-schoolers generally benefit from attending nursery?

[Tutter]

ILs always going on about when we will start ds in a nursery - esp now i'm pg again. he'll be 2.2 when the baby is born.

my instinct is that he should be at home with me, but i recognise this may be me being over-protective. i have read steve biddulph's book and it struck a chord but haven't read an opposing view from any other - ahem - experts.

in general he enjoys being with people and has never been clingy with me (but is this because i've always been with him...?).

interested in your opinions.

depends on the child completely i would say
ds didn't benefit at all
dd does

another one in favour of nurseries.

I put my DD then 2 into a nursery 2 morning a week, when my mum was very ill..

I planned to take her out after my mum passed away, but she had enjoyed it soo much and comes on leaps and bounds that we decided to leave her there..

I really enjoyed the time to myself - although had so much to sort out re mums house etc, that I spent most of spare time there..

DD is now 3 and has just started preschool. she is going 2 mornings a week and settled in straight away..

I am sure that is because she had already made the break from me when she first went to nursery.

I honestly thought that I was the best she could have, my child wasn't going to be brought up by a nursery etc, after all that is why i became a SAHM, but I was wrong... the balance of nursery and me (and DH obviously) is the right one for us...

I am a much happier/patient mum because I do get some time to myself (we don't have anyone else to look after DD), so always with me it not at nursery.

If you are happy to keep him with you for now - then maybe preschool at 3 would be the best solution for you.. I really do believe that any child would benefit from something before starting school at 5.. afterall it will be a huge shock to their system if they have been with you all day everyday for 5 years...

Haven't had chance to read all messages, but here's my little experience.
Dd went to pre-school at 2.3 for 2 x 2 hour sessions a week, for one year, then moved to a school attached nursery 5 x 2.5 hour sessions per week. This was perfect for her. She went to pre-school at 2.3, to a tiny one (just 8 children) as a gentle introduction to being away from me. She had basically been just with me (and friends and their kids) not away from me and I felt she needed to gain a little independence before big nursery and school. It was a perfect stepping stone.

Ds started at the same pre-school at 2.9, again 2 sessions a week. He didn't settle at all well, very clingy to me despite having a far more "sociable" and varied time before that. I contemplated leaving pre-school as I resented staying and paying and being annoyed at him for not enjoying it more. I put too much pressure on him. In the end, they asked me if I would consider going back on the staff (I had previously worked there!) So I stayed and got paid, ds got a free place and had a whale of a time as we were both more relaxed.
He started at the school nursery at 3.9 and settled immediately, no backward glance. I just don't think he was ready for it when I started him, despite being older than dd was, and am rapidly realising that 2 kids with the same parents are very different!

Thats my experience. Read into it what you will. At the end of the day, whatever we decide there will be times that we doubt ourselves and our decisions. Make the decision you feel happy with and also don't be afraid to change your mind if you thik the choice you've made is not the right one.

Tutter, have reread your OP and what stands out is this

my instinct is that he should be at home with me, but i recognise this may be me being over-protective. i have read steve biddulph's book and it struck a chord but haven't read an opposing view from any other - ahem - experts.

why not just trust your instincts?

honestly, ds is 3 1/4, has not been to nursery really, and he is not lagging behind his peers in any way that I can see. He can do all the pre -reading / pre numeracy stuff and his social skills are fine, he has lots of friends.

I know plenty of kids who started school at 4, 5 and even 6 and 7 or later. They are all absolutely fine.

i'm still here, and still listening. it really is interesting to hear so many different experiences. i suppose my mind is not 100% made up, and i'll continue to ponder this as this pregnancy progresses.

i am def not the kind of mother who is likely to contentedly juggle bfing, tower building, diff nap times etc., and already have concerns about the chaos that my life will become later this year. but that will not be the main factor in any decision on ds going to nursery - if it's right for him to go then he'll go. if not, i'll make it work at home whatever it takes.

lots of thinking ahead i think...

How about visitng a few and seeing how he reacts in there. Most will let you have a chat and maybe drop him in the room he woudl be in and watch him play/interact for 10-15 minutes.

thats what decided me, I went round and DS made a beeline for the young toddler room without a backward glance, he then played with another child while I chatted to the staff and cried when I went to pick him up and take him out.

hi i haven't read the full thread but my ds went to a nursery when he was a baby but had to leave becuase it got too expensive but i feel this made him much less shy than my daughter even though it was only for a couple of months

also i think if they go to nusery school aged 3 it gived them a chance to get used to the school and some of the kids that might be in their class etc, plus they really enjoy it (or my son did anyway)

he's been fine about starting school this september has never been funny about going at all, and he only had one bad day when he went to nursery