My 18 month old baby started nursery 6 wks ago part time. Its extremely difficult leaving her as she gets very upset. Having been told by the nursery that staying to settle her in for 5 - 10 minutes at the beginning of each class 'doesn't do her any favours', I have heavy heartedly had to hand her over to the nursery nurse after a few minutes who then comforts her. I find myself constantly searching for a nursery nurse that will give her a cuddle and sooth her upset and the one person who seemed capable of doing this left the nursery last week. I stay outside the class room to observe and normally she calms within 5 minutes - it's like a roller coaster of emotions. I hate it I hate it I hate it
Today I have come away from the nursery school deeply uncomfortable. My daughter was distraught this morning (more so than most), and the tears were rolling down her face. She does not cry like this at home and is such a sunny baby.
As usual, I was encouraged out the door and waited to see if my little girl was ok. I did feel like I was placing a burden on them by asking them to take her and comfort her as I left.
I don't think the nursery nurse realised I was still there as I waited outside. I was quite aghast that within minutes my very upset and crying hysterically little girl was put down on the mat and left wondering aimlessly crying her heart out on her own. The nursery nurse wasn't rushed off her feet but obviously decided calming a child isn't her priority. My heart as a mother says what kind of a person can leave such a young child so upset to fend for themselves. Thankfully another nurse came and wiped my daughters eyes and lifted her up which soothed her. I hoped this was just a one off.
However, Upon collecting my little girl an hour earlier, I was totally shocked to see her sitting with all the other children at the table - she was hysterical, shaking and in tears. It just isn't like her. I asked the teacher what happened and was quite taken aback (obviously my daughter was not going to be eating her lunch in this state and hadn't touched her food) and they said she hadn't been crying long. I asked how long and they said '15 minutes'. I was completely shocked as the teacher was sitting in a seat overlooking the children and clearly didn't once get up to calm my child or see if she was ok. 15 minutes is a long time. I presume she thinks it is 'self soothing' but I feel physically sick. She then told me she couldn't keep picking her up. I can understand that nursery nurses are busy, but am pretty horrified they left her in this state for 15 minutes and tried to put her at the diner table in this state when she was very obviously upset to the point that the whole class was quite subdued by it. I also thought in my heart of hearts that nursery care would be soothing and loving. Am I just naive or is this normal practice?
To make matters worse, she said to me 'maybe she is just feeling under the weather'. Well if she was, surely this is more reason to calm her down? I am having serious doubts about what to do and have left the headteacher a message to catch up. My husband thinks we should remove her (and I certainly can't let her suffer like she did today which I can see no positive impact of, other than damaging her long term). I am desperate to hear from other mothers on whether they have the same issues at their nurseries or if this is not normal. What can i do to remedy it? I am wondering if they are short staffed but its not an excuse. The nursery has a grade 2 from ofsted but I was horrified when doing more digging to find out it had a grade 4 in 2013 which is quite a serious matter. They have great classes but I just haven't been enamoured by the teachers in her class, and I thought at first I had picked a nursery with a real family environment. It really feels like a needle in a hay stack.
Furthermore the nursery tell me my daughter won't eat. She has a habit of waiting for me to collect her then eating at home. After today's episode it was obvious they make no effort to help her eat and leave her to her own devices. If she finds it a traumatic experience and they aren't doing anything to help her, how can it possibly be better? And what was the teacher doing sitting over all these children without any interaction to encourage them?
My heart says this isn't right, but my head says maybe this happens in most nurseries.. If it isn't normal, should I report it to ofsted? . I just don't know what to do and don't want to do long term damage by not addressing it. Any advice is much appreciated!!! From a very distressed mum 