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Original poster

Reported to children's services by nursery

88 replies

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 21:15

Hi all. Just wanting some advice really. I'm absolutely disgusted to even have to write this as I don't even know how/why we are here.
My son has been going to a private day nursery for around 9 months now, he's 3 and is in preschool. After the initial settling in period he has since then been happy to go to nursery every day whilst myself and his dad go to work. He has lots of friends and has progressed alot since deciding to send him to nursery. A couple of days ago I got a phone call out of the blue after dropping my LB off at nursery an hour earlier to 'he has a bruise where a child wouldn't not get a bruise, do you know where it has come from?', with the most suggestive and insinuative tone I have ever heard. After explaining that I had got
Him dressed, given him his breakfast and wiped his face (as a mother generally does!) that morning, to my knowledge there was absolutely no marks on him (and no reason for there to be!!) the conversation that followed basically made me feel criminal for not knowing why a mark (that wasn't there) was there. I was told my comments would be written down and that was the end of the call. As far as I was aware (we have never encountered ANYTHING like this before) this was the end of it and (after crying for an hour at what was being suggested) I went off to work.

After an hour at work I recieved a call to say they had reported my comments to children's services (I was never told that anything would happen further to the first phone call) who had then come to the nursery and were there keen to speak to me. I of course obliged willingly and told them I would be there Asap along with his father. I then recieved a call back to say the social workers want to see us at our home.. Which obviously I agree to ( unsure what on earth is now going on).

Upon visitation at home we are asked all sits of ridiculous questions about our circumstances (again, nothing like this has ever happened before and we are in shock as to why on earth we are here at this stage) and who disciplines our child etc. we are told that our son had told one of the adults in exact words 'daddy did my cheeky the wall' no specific verb or action.. Which to me could mean Anything?! He's 3 and although he is quite coherant there aRe of course many things He doesn't understand and has a vivid imagination!!

Anyway, after an assessment (and most unwelcome intrusion) by the social workers, we were told that they saw no mark on our child once they saw him and they had no concerns or issues. That we would recieve a letter in the next few days to say no action has been taken and they were more than satisfied.

My issue is with how the nursery went about this. Don't get me wrong as i am more
Than aware that they have child protection procedures to follow however my child has been hysterical about going to nursery since this day, which has never happens before. We were told that although nothing was found to be of prevelence, the report would stay on our/his file. It has caused a huge tension as my partner is now scared to go near my son incase he tells the nursery something and they take it the wrong way. We are both on egg shells with him ensuring that he understand what we are saying incase he misinterprets it and tells the nursery and this issue occurs again.

I guess my question is, how do I complain In this situation? Surely they can not interfere in innocent peoples lives so easily and affect us this way with no real reason?? I would be interested in other peoples opinions As I am very unhappy and need to take this further.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 12/12/2014 22:23

I think you're perfectly within your rights to ask for an explanation.

Oakmaiden · 12/12/2014 22:25

There was no action word.. He could have said daddy kissed my cheek by the wall.. Daddy wiped my cheek when I stood at the wall.. Anything?! But for them to jump to tis conclusion is preposterous.

Um, not really. Not if they said - "oh golly, child, you have a bruise on your face. Where did that come from?" and the your child responded in the way he appears to have. And if that was the case I think they were quite right in their actions - I would be hugely concerned if a child appeared to have a bruise and them seemed to tell me they got it by their father pushing them into a wall, and then when I enquired if their parents knew anything about it they denied all knowledge, rather than say "Oh yes, his father accidentally bumped into him and he bumped into the wall."

The fact the bruise then completely vanished is very bizarre though. Although my son on one occasion had a bottom that looked just like it had been scalded. It lasted about 3 hours, and then disappeared, with not a trace to be seen. I think you need to just accept that they were concerned and were looking out for the safety of your son. It turns out their concerns were unfounded, but they did need to report them. Far better to report a concern and have it discovered to be unfounded than to dismiss something that needs checking.

I am wondering why this whole thing is bothering your son AT ALL though? Surely he knows very little about it?

FATEdestiny · 12/12/2014 22:29

Finola1step are you a designated child protection officer?

"All nurseries and schools are required to pass on concerns and then let SS get on with it."

Not in my experience at school.

All nursery and school staff are required to pass on concerns to the named designated child protection officer.

The child protection officer (who will be named in their safeguarding policy) then must record the incident and use their training and experience to decide what happens next. This does not usually immediately involve SS.

The fault here lies with the designated child protection officer at the nursery on that day.

Original poster
Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 22:30

There was no bruise to warrant a concern though, Oakmaiden. And he didn't say.. Daddy PUSHED me into the wall which is exactly my point. Aside from that I'm sure they are not actually allowed to insinuate anything.

The fact that he has only reacted this way since the next day after the incident is half my issue. Like you said he knows little about it( in terms of what he's heard from home) so what has happened at nursery during this investigation to make him so insettled at nursery... That's my question.

Apart from the fact that he came home from nursery that say saying.. I don't want to talk to the ladies mummy, I don't want to go with the ladies( meaning the social workers) which leads me to believe it has been mishandled I nursery where he is directly interacted with......

OP posts:
Bowchickawowow · 12/12/2014 22:30

Bloody hell, I am glad my DS's didn't go to this nursery...they are always covered in bruises and marks, and have both said all sorts of crap - DS1 used to tell people in shops that gran had hit him with a spoon - he also told his CM that his strawberry birthmark was from me setting fire to him!!!
I think the speed with which SS acted is worrying too, I have worked with young people's services and it is normally in quite serious situations that you get such a quick investigation so I would be concerned as to what the nursery said to get them out immediately!!

Postchildrenpregranny · 12/12/2014 22:32

My Health Visitor (do they still have those?) once told me-she was following up report of 4 yr old DD1 with broken elbow.She fell off climbing frame at school gate . I had witnesses.- that 'worrying' bruises are often on the inside of the upper arms and the thighs, where it is unlikely a child would bruise themselves. A bruise under the cheekbone is not unusual . I and both my DDs bruise very easily . Very fair skin too, so it shows. Mine often had bruises but neither playgroup, nursery nor infant school ever queried. I agree with previous poster-they should have closely monitored your son before taking it further, Understand your reservations but my instinct would be to move him

mateysmum · 12/12/2014 22:40

Yes OP, I would be particularly worried as to what has made your DS so worried about going to nursery and talking to the ss ladies. Something has scared him. Somebody has said something in his hearing that they shouldn't have which has made him insecure. Does he think that if he goes to nursery he will be sent away with the ladies? Not trying to alarm you but I would want to try to get to the bottom of this.

Original poster
Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 22:50

Yesterday he was just adamant that he didn't Want to go, but was ok once he got there (apart from being bit by another kid!) but I made sure that they were aware of his feelings as like I said he has never been like this once in the last 9 months. Today however was a different matter, he was in hysterics and would not let go of me for about 15 minutes (this has NEVER happened before even when he was new to the nursery setting!!) but I felt like I should let them see how he has been these past few days as I feel like it's something they have done which has caused this reaction! There has definitely been something untoward for this to come out of the blue. Especially since (-as much as I haven't wanted to!) I have been encouring him as usual to be excited about going to nursery these last few days.

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 12/12/2014 23:00

I'd guess that he had a red mark under his cheekbone which looked like a potential bruise waiting to happen.Combined with what he said,if that was the case,it is perfectly understandable for their call to SS.

It would've been the mark (that then disappeared) combined with what he said,rather than just the mark itself.

Kids do do funny things though,my autistic son,at the age of 13, managed to wipe some black paint under his eye which genuinely looked like a black eye.When I noticed I was stood gobsmacked wondering what would happen,until I looked closely and wiped it!!!! I'm pretty sure he went to school with it that day but as he would put his hood up to cover his face and walk with his head down,at that point,I wouldn't have noticed as we were going out the door!

Original poster
Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 23:08

Ok trip trap. But once the SS got to the nursery and spoke to him and saw that he mark wasn't there (and also later said that he had not reported anything directly to them when bread prompted) where was the need in speaking to us so suddenly, as the ORIGINAL issue (that was the only thing that was made aware to me prior to the meeting with SS) had been resolved. So why the urgency to need to pull myself and his dad out of work IMMEDIATELY and come directly to our home to assess us, as by this stage they weren't concerned. aNd if prior comments are Anything to go by, it sounds asif the procedure that they followed(with such immediate action) Is only taken in serious cases where the child would be at immediate risk.. Which they didn't think he was and cleared that up when they came to see us. Before even asking any of the questions might I add.

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 12/12/2014 23:18

Of course they had to talk to you.So the mark disappeared,that doesn't mean nothing had happened! They were just following up due to what he had said.Relax.

I'm surprised it was so quick,yes,but it's over with.Don't worry about it now.

Original poster
Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 23:24

No it doesn't mean nothing happened, but if nothing was there when I took him And nothing was there when the SS went.. That sounds to me more like the mark happened at nursery on their wAtch! Like others have said.. A bruise doesn't go away that quickly!

And it's easy enough saying relax, but how can you relax when you know your innocent and all this happens.. Your just a waiting for the next sorry episode.

It's not really over to be honest, as I earlier said we are now on eggshells both with our son and the nursery, and he has developed an issue with going to the nursery, so yes, the initial investigation in terms of their issues is over.. But it has created a whole load of new ones that we now have to live with!!

OP posts:
Cherrychocolate · 12/12/2014 23:29

I feel for you OP, what a dreadful experience. I would move my child if I were you. They overreacted, and jumped to the wrong conclusion. The trust is gone, walk away.

Tron123 · 12/12/2014 23:47

Not sure whether the "incident" is deleted or is it kept on record, have a feeling ss keep everything on record, if the nursery acts in this way all the time ss will not be able to follow up more pressing matters

SilverStars · 12/12/2014 23:59

It is interesting when things happen at home/ out and about ( eg bumps that leave marks etc) are seen as concerns by nurseries ( not saying this happened to OP), yet as long as they give you a bit of paper for a head injury, bite or attack by other child that is always acceptable. Their protection of a child is never questioned in the way they question parents.

PossumPoo · 13/12/2014 08:20

I disagree trip. It seems completely over the top. I know there are kids who genuinely need protecting but you cant go around questioning every parent hoping you get the one that needs it. The nursery should be embarrassed and at least follow up with OP

It's not ok to do this sort of thing or have this type of accusation thrown at you 'because you just never know'. There has to be evidence and one (what turned out to be) red mark under the eye that disappeared in a short time is not it!

insancerre · 13/12/2014 08:23

I am a nursery manager and the designated safeguarding officer. I think the nursery possibly were a little over zealous but safeguarding procedures have changed recently
In our area there was a child murdered by a step parent. The child was covered head to toe in bruises. In his defence he claimed the bruises had all happened at nursery. The nursery had no records of any bruises. The nursery was closed while the police investigated, meaning the staff didn't get paid and the children had nowhere to go. He was eventually convicted but how sad to think the child would still be alive if the nursery had recorded bruises and reported concerns to social services
That's why our safeguarding procedures have changed
If a child arrives at nursery with a visible injury an injury on arrival form is filled in by the parent
If it is not noticed till after the parent has left then we phone them and explain the injury and ask how it happened. The parent then signs on pick up. These
are kept on file.
If a child has an injury and they also accuse a parent of causing it then it would be reported to as
That's the process most good nurseries follow.
I would have to be sure there was a bruise though before I reported anyone

PossumPoo · 13/12/2014 08:36

insan that is very sad. And nothing like the OPs story. A nursery didnt notice a child covered head to foot in bruises? OPs child had one bruise, once.

insancerre · 13/12/2014 09:04

Its exactly like the ops case
If someone had noticed the first bruise then maybe the child would still be alive
That's the whole point
Every time a child dies everyone throws their hands in the air and says" but why didn't someond do something?" Then proceedures are put in place to prevent it happening and people complain about that

saintlyjimjams · 13/12/2014 09:08

I'd move your child tbh. He's upset going there now, your trust in them has gone, it will be very hard for you to continue working together.

vitabrits · 13/12/2014 09:15

Why didn't nursery take a photo of it if they were worried?

PossumPoo · 13/12/2014 09:17

It wasn't a bruise insan. You are doing exactly what the nursery did and overreacting.

Original poster
Happymummy22 · 13/12/2014 09:26

Ok insan, I get your point. But given that you just said you would have to be sure it was a bruise, if one of your staff came to you in said situation but then a bruise easily established, would you have been so keen to report to ss and follow up
With such an urgent procedure? This is where the confusion is coming from, there WAS no
Bruise in the end up so surely someone in the nursery is in the wrong for not making sure of what they were saying before they followed up with it (this is a pretty strong accusations and has affected us massively!!)

OP posts:
insancerre · 13/12/2014 09:28

I'm not over reacting. I have said in both my previous posts that I would only report if it was a bruiseand I also said the ops nursery were a little over zealous.
I'm just explaining the procedure to the posters who seem to think it isn't the nursery's job to report concerns
It absolutely is. We see and hear things nobody else doe. We are on the front line
The thing is staff don't get training on how to approach parents with concerns. They don't get training on his to communicate well and this is so important when dealing with sensitive issues

FunkyBoldRibena · 13/12/2014 09:32

OP - you need to book a meeting with the safeguarding officer and the head and discuss why it was escalated and how many people witnessed the bruise before they did so. It should have been seen by the safeguarding officer before anything happened so they should be able to give you a full recount of the process they went through.

And make no mention of leaving the nursery, but once that meeting has happened, if there are any discrepancies, you need to then make a decision about moving him.