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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Reported to children's services by nursery

88 replies

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 21:15

Hi all. Just wanting some advice really. I'm absolutely disgusted to even have to write this as I don't even know how/why we are here.
My son has been going to a private day nursery for around 9 months now, he's 3 and is in preschool. After the initial settling in period he has since then been happy to go to nursery every day whilst myself and his dad go to work. He has lots of friends and has progressed alot since deciding to send him to nursery. A couple of days ago I got a phone call out of the blue after dropping my LB off at nursery an hour earlier to 'he has a bruise where a child wouldn't not get a bruise, do you know where it has come from?', with the most suggestive and insinuative tone I have ever heard. After explaining that I had got
Him dressed, given him his breakfast and wiped his face (as a mother generally does!) that morning, to my knowledge there was absolutely no marks on him (and no reason for there to be!!) the conversation that followed basically made me feel criminal for not knowing why a mark (that wasn't there) was there. I was told my comments would be written down and that was the end of the call. As far as I was aware (we have never encountered ANYTHING like this before) this was the end of it and (after crying for an hour at what was being suggested) I went off to work.

After an hour at work I recieved a call to say they had reported my comments to children's services (I was never told that anything would happen further to the first phone call) who had then come to the nursery and were there keen to speak to me. I of course obliged willingly and told them I would be there Asap along with his father. I then recieved a call back to say the social workers want to see us at our home.. Which obviously I agree to ( unsure what on earth is now going on).

Upon visitation at home we are asked all sits of ridiculous questions about our circumstances (again, nothing like this has ever happened before and we are in shock as to why on earth we are here at this stage) and who disciplines our child etc. we are told that our son had told one of the adults in exact words 'daddy did my cheeky the wall' no specific verb or action.. Which to me could mean Anything?! He's 3 and although he is quite coherant there aRe of course many things He doesn't understand and has a vivid imagination!!

Anyway, after an assessment (and most unwelcome intrusion) by the social workers, we were told that they saw no mark on our child once they saw him and they had no concerns or issues. That we would recieve a letter in the next few days to say no action has been taken and they were more than satisfied.

My issue is with how the nursery went about this. Don't get me wrong as i am more
Than aware that they have child protection procedures to follow however my child has been hysterical about going to nursery since this day, which has never happens before. We were told that although nothing was found to be of prevelence, the report would stay on our/his file. It has caused a huge tension as my partner is now scared to go near my son incase he tells the nursery something and they take it the wrong way. We are both on egg shells with him ensuring that he understand what we are saying incase he misinterprets it and tells the nursery and this issue occurs again.

I guess my question is, how do I complain In this situation? Surely they can not interfere in innocent peoples lives so easily and affect us this way with no real reason?? I would be interested in other peoples opinions As I am very unhappy and need to take this further.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Fiddlerontheroof · 12/12/2014 21:45

Find a new nursery. One potential bruise, with no previous concerns and a happy settled child and they are reporting it to SS and phoning you in that manner....idiots.

Original poster

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 21:48

It is most definately an isolated occurrence, which is another point that the SS took time to clear up, that the Nursery had no proper concerns or worries. Which begs the question why things escalated so suddenly And it was dealt with in the urgent manner that it was. Thank you all for your advice, I will definately be seeking professional advice in some manner, I don't think it's fair for innocent, loving caring parents to be made to feel this way with no explanation from the nursery directly. But in Answer to the question about who/what/when in terms of the nursery/staff, no I haven't Approached them as of yet as I have been pondering how to proceed further to this for the last couple of days. I hVe to the weekend to think about it now along with his dad and other close family members who Te hugely upset by the whole situation and will be speaking to them one way or another on Monday morning.

OP posts:

MrsKCastle · 12/12/2014 21:49

X-post.

I agree that it seems really bizarre OP. The bruise thing especially- what possible reason could the nursery have for making it up? But on the other hand, if they genuinely saw something, what happened to it?

I think if it were me, I would want to withdraw my child from their care, especially considering how upset the incident seems to have made him.

Original poster

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 21:49

Phonyics - there is/ was no mark. This is my issue.

OP posts:

Sycamoretrees · 12/12/2014 21:50

I'd be keen to read the nursery's child protection / safeguarding policy to see if they had followed it correctly (which I suspect they didn't) and then taking it from there.

LuckyLopez · 12/12/2014 21:52

Your op wasn't very clear and I (wrongly) assumed you were alluding to a bruise on his buttocks or genitals 'he has a bruise where a child would not get a bruise'.

MarjorieMelon · 12/12/2014 21:53

I think I would ask for a written explanation as to what happened. They massively fucked up and you need to know exactly what happened before you make a decision whether to keep your child there.

For all you know they could have been looking at a completely different child. Even if it was a dirty mark it wouldn't just disappear. They are the ones in the wrong and they need to provide you with answers.

Original poster

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 21:55

Sorry lucky Lopez, no the (apparent) bruise was just below his cheek bone... I'm more than sure there Are many feesable explanations why a child could get a bruise there (although, as I keep mentioning, he didn't ACTUALLY have one AT ALL!)

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 12/12/2014 21:55

The part I don't get is why they think a child can never innocently get a bruise in that place. Dd currently has a bruise under her cheekbone where she ran full pelt into a handle on a kitchen cupboard. They surely must have had concerns about you to jump to that conclusion. I am not saying those concerns have facts to back them up, but it would be playing on my mind that that is what they thought of me.

Littleturkish · 12/12/2014 21:57

You have to move him- your trust is gone. What on earth were they thinking? If you can't trust them wig this, how can you trust them with looking after your child?

FATEdestiny · 12/12/2014 22:01

I'm guessing the nursery staff are young and effectively got over-excited when dealing with an out of the ordinary issue regarding child protection.

I realise this trivialises in a way that isn't fair on the OP, but I suspect it is the reason for the unnecessary escalation.

Tron123 · 12/12/2014 22:01

Given that this was a one off observation that prompted ss involvement I wonder just how many social workers are tied up in work generated by this nursery. Children get bruises, children fall, children play and have accidents. What would worry me is what they not decide to report. There appears to be a lack of common sense.

Tron123 · 12/12/2014 22:02

Sorry what they next decide to report

Original poster

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 22:03

Yes flanjabelle that's at the forefront of my problems, The fact that given they hd no previous issues or reasons to believe there were anything to be concerned about, why would 1 isolated incident lead to such A mass investigation? They obviously had prejudged us and that really really bothers me as (and I know all parent thinks of themselves this way) we are such loving caring parents and have never disciplined using any kind of physical contact. We are completely devoted to our lb and everything we do we do for him, the fact that isnt clearly projected by our daily parenting is very upsetting.

OP posts:

Fiftyplusmum · 12/12/2014 22:04

I understand child protection but this seems to be a massive over-reaction on the part of the nursery.

Finola1step · 12/12/2014 22:05

When children fall, they usually put their hands out to stop their fall. If they don't, they bash their nose, chin or forehead. So a bruise on another part of the face, with an unusual explanation, may ring alarm bells. Hence the "a bruise where children don't usually bruise" comment.

But small children do regularly bash into all sorts of objects. Leaving odd looking bruises.

It does sound like that in this situation, there was no bruise. Maybe just a bit of muck, paint etc. A bruise would not disappear so quickly.

My dd looked like she had a black eye once. Because she was colouring in with a green marker pen, coloured her fingers, rubbed her eye.

The nursery were correct to follow their safeguarding procedures. But you would be wise to meet with the manager to discuss how to move on. If you can't, then move him.

MarjorieMelon · 12/12/2014 22:07

Please ask for a written explanation. They need to be held accountable.

The nursery leader at a nursery my eldest attended swore blind that I had notified her that ds had a special need and she wanted to set up a meeting with specialists to discuss it. I also received reports that ds had been ill and banged his head. They kept mixing him up with someone else!

PossumPoo · 12/12/2014 22:10

OP I would definitely move as I just couldn't trust the nursery to know what they were on about. A bruise does not appear then disappear in a few hours. They cocked up and SS sound like they jumped the gun. They nursey will constantly make you nervous and your DS will pick up on that.

PossumPoo · 12/12/2014 22:10

*nursery

Finola1step · 12/12/2014 22:12

X post. Do not see this as them judging you. They saw something which concerned them. They reported it (as is their job). It turned out to be non existent. All nurseries and schools are required to pass on concerns and then let SS get on with it.

The key here IMO, is that the designated person for safeguarding children or whoever reported was not able to correctly identify a bruise. This is what you need to discuss with the nursery because this causes you to question your trust in them.

Tron123 · 12/12/2014 22:13

Safeguarding procedures in general have begun to show a lack of common sense so in one way I an not surprised. Total overreaction by nursery

ProveMeWrong · 12/12/2014 22:16

So sorry for you happy mummy. Can tell by the way you write how much you care for and protect your son. Horrible unfounded accusation and very scary experience

Original poster

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 22:19

Am I wrong in thinking however, following on form my comment that I am more than aware that they hAve safeguarding procedures to follow, that the investigation has found to be inevident. And SS have no worries what so ever. So shouldn't there be some sort of follow up from the nursery to discuss the situation and explain their reasoninga behind it and how/why it happened. And aside from the actual comments (which is why I can see through abit of my frustration enough slightly to understand their reasonings) why they haven't wanted to put right the fact that they pretty much slammed me for not knowing why there was a bruise on my sons face that WASNT THERE?! surely they should feel the need to apologise for that?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Happymummy22 · 12/12/2014 22:21

Thank you provemewrong, Its horrible and the feeling is ongoing as it makes you question/modify every aspect of your parenting even though you know you are not in the wrong. I just wish they could see that and see how loved he actually is.. And focus their attentions on children in situations that actually need it!

OP posts:

phonyics · 12/12/2014 22:23

Sorry OP, was trying to say that we wouldn't have called social services.
We would have made a note of it and kept a close eye, but it wouldn't have warranted any phone calls.

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