Missing clothes, left to cry, tummy aches - is this normal?

[Cakehead]

Forgive me if this is a bit long. My 9-mth-old started nursery 2 months ago. After a few weeks, some of her clothes went missing. First it was a new top (the first time she'd worn it). Then it was a pair of trousers. This week it's her new sunhat, worn just once. Each time the staff just said they'd looked and couldn't find the items. They almost imply they've not had them. I persisted in asking each day if they'd turned up, but they said no. They also said that as she was the smallest child there, they wouldn't have put them in another child's bag. So that was that. I've started labelling her clothes but the sunhat disappeared, name and all. Two weeks ago, I went down to collect my LO, and she was just sat in a corner, crying - not like her at all. Her carer said 'she had to learn she couldn't be picked up all the time', which I agree with. But it's not like her to be clingy, so I was worried. The next day she came down with a stinking cold that lasted a week, so she'd clearly been feeling unwell.I can't help feeling that they should have had a bit of patience with her - it's not like her to cry so they could have guessed something was up. I'd rather have come and got her early. When I picked her up yesterday, she cried for an hour when we got in. They told me she'd got too tired to eat her lunch, so she'd gone to sleep without lunch and then they'd given her a crumpet when she woke up. She'd eaten it all, apparently, but I think it gave her tummy ache. Am I being over-protective? Is this just part of the nursery experience? This is a privately run nursery which has a good reputation where I live. I'm seriously thinking about giving up work as a result...

Cakehead that's great, and don't beat yourself up about it. Thankfully, she has come to no serious harm and will remember nothing about it. Its horrid though thinking of them. I didn't put my DD into nursery till she was 3 because i wanted her to be able to tell me about it all so I could decide if i liked it. Now I have to put in my DTs for one day or else I'd go mad. Another way of looking at it is that I regretted bitterly not started DD earlier once she was ready for school and I felt she wasn't as streetwise as the others. You can't win can you!!! You'll feel better in the summer and I hope you find a way of coping till then.

mcnoodle, its so tough settling your most prized thing in the whole world. Could you provide the food so that you are sure he's getting what you'd like him to? On the sleep front, again, its a very difficult thing. They probably feel they've done well getting him to take 50 mins. My DTs sleep for just over an hour at home just after lunch. On their nursery day its lucky if its half an hour and I pay for it when I pick them up!!! They can be really upset with tiredness by teatime. However, I think being in a different environment just makes some children sleep much lighter and I don't think you can do very much about it.

FWIW it doesn't sound like they are doing anything too wrong. If you don't get many replies here, do start another thread, some people don't re visit an existing thread if they feel its being wound up. Good luck honey.

Thanks FG - I can provide own food, and have done on occassion. Am going to talk to the manager about it tomorrow (gulp).

I can completely understand why the sleep thing is difficult. Must be really hard work getting all those toddlers to sleep. Good to know that it's not unusual.

The girls at the nursery are very sweet, and the manager very experienced so I guess I just need to get to know them better and try and be more assertive about the little things that I don't like.

Don't think he is ever left to cry - is always playing or getting cuddles when I pick him up. Really feel for you cakehead and think you are right to trust your instinct.

Argh - hate, hate, hate leaving him. Bloody stupid housing market, crazy mortgage to pay for tiny house. Grrrrrrr!

I do sympathize, mcnoodle. It's grim feeling like this, isn't it? I don't think I'd be happy if I heard them lying outright about how a child was, though. I wish I'd trusted my instincts from the beginning. Lots of postees here recommended childminders. I'd never given it much thought but have been looking into it. Is it something you can consider?

I do sympathize, mcnoodle. It's grim feeling like this, isn't it? I don't think I'd be happy if I heard them lying outright about how a child was, though. I wish I'd trusted my instincts from the beginning. Lots of postees here recommended childminders. I'd never given it much thought but have been looking into it. Is it something you can consider?

mcnoodle. They are all things which you have every right to be bothered by.

The sleep thing I think is a big issue for a lot of parents who use nurseries. Mostly there is just not the time or staff numbers in baby rooms to allow each child to get an adequate amout of attention. Therefore, sleep is an issue, and babies/toddlers are normally all got off to sleep in the same way, normally patting ime (for some strange reason) so there is not much attention take of individual babies needs/sleep patterns/likes/dislikes etc.

How is the baby room set out at your ds's nursery? Are the cots seperate from the rest of the room?

The fromage frais thing, sorry, really doesn't surprise me. Most nurseries buy cheaply and use whatever is most convienent. It could be you caught them on an off day, however!
I do know of one nursery owner/manager (very well respected) who blatently lied to parents about what their children were eating.

The lying to the parent on the phone, again, doesn't surprise me. I have also heared of this from a parent who witnessed a child screaming at the door for his mum and then the same mum being told he'd settled immiedately.

I just don't know what to say, there are no easy answers to this. You have to go with your instinct.

What is the nursery like generally? and if you did take him out do you have other options?

Would you consider a childminder?

x posts mcnoodle!

hi havnt read all posts, but just wanted to say that im a nursery nurse and a mum of 2 and now im a mum things are very different. i wouldnt leave a baby in a baby room unless the staff r\atio was really good and the staff were experienced.babies need lots of one to one.

it doesnt surprise me that parents have been lied to and children left to cry. i have seen this and more and think its really sad.

sorry not much help, think childminder is better option until they are older

my nursery is brilliant, (i would say that i own and manage it) our baby room is small... we only have 1 baby at the moment under 1 year the rest around 18mnths - 24th months. these little people get lots and lots of attention. i manage my nursery correctly and am passionate about providing a good service , i have never lied about a child to a parent.

hi mcnoodle. you are right to worry about these things. i try to be honest with parents but i get told i will only worry them, personally i would rather know if my daughter was upset.nurseries do tell white lies all the time. make sure you question anything you are not happy about. you probably pay a lot of money and should feel happy and trust the people you leave your most precious person with. hope this helps

Sorry - got caught up in work yesterday and only just got a chance to read your posts.
I really do value your opinions as this is a whole new experience for me and one that I am finding hard.
Dropped him off at nursery this am and wanted to talk to the manager about the food, but it was very busy and I didn't feel it was appropriate time to talk. I often feel like this though and that bothers me too!
I am going to think about a childminder. I know it will never be easy to leave him, but I think part of my stress is because something doesn't feel right. I'm going to go with my instinct.

I have a childminder for my little girl would reccomend it. pleased i could help

Hi, coming to this discussion a bit late but just wanted to say that I would totally recommend childminders. My daughter went to a nursery with a very good reputation at 7 months old and we had a dreadful experience. The staff were unsympathetic and unco-operative and it all came to a head 3 weeks in when I arrived at the nursery unannounced to find Annabel hysterical in a cot with no one paying her any attention, it took 15 minutes of cuddling to settle her down. A friend suggested looking for a childminder which we hadn't considered previously and we were very lucky to find an absolutely brilliant one who Annabel (now 10 months) is very happy with. I do think that you need to find someone who is on your wavelength so it can be difficult but it's worth the time and effort involved. When they're so little even 1 carer to 3 babies isn't that many when you consider the amount of work they have to do, it's natural that babies want to be held a lot of the time. I've also found that once I've spoken to colleagues who have their children in the same nursery that they on relection regret having chosen that nursery so it's not always enough to go on 'reputation'.

I'm not anti-nurseries in any way though, a lot of my friends have children in fantastic nurseries and Annabel will definitely go to one once she is a bit older. I also think that it's important not to be too impressed by 'state of the art' facilities and staff in matching uniforms, the nurseries which my friends have their children in tend to be a bit ramshackle and look a bit shabby but they are clean, the staff are passionate about their jobs and the children are happy.