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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Missing clothes, left to cry, tummy aches - is this normal?

87 replies

Cakehead · 11/05/2006 13:59

Forgive me if this is a bit long. My 9-mth-old started nursery 2 months ago. After a few weeks, some of her clothes went missing. First it was a new top (the first time she'd worn it). Then it was a pair of trousers. This week it's her new sunhat, worn just once. Each time the staff just said they'd looked and couldn't find the items. They almost imply they've not had them. I persisted in asking each day if they'd turned up, but they said no. They also said that as she was the smallest child there, they wouldn't have put them in another child's bag. So that was that. I've started labelling her clothes but the sunhat disappeared, name and all. Two weeks ago, I went down to collect my LO, and she was just sat in a corner, crying - not like her at all. Her carer said 'she had to learn she couldn't be picked up all the time', which I agree with. But it's not like her to be clingy, so I was worried. The next day she came down with a stinking cold that lasted a week, so she'd clearly been feeling unwell.I can't help feeling that they should have had a bit of patience with her - it's not like her to cry so they could have guessed something was up. I'd rather have come and got her early. When I picked her up yesterday, she cried for an hour when we got in. They told me she'd got too tired to eat her lunch, so she'd gone to sleep without lunch and then they'd given her a crumpet when she woke up. She'd eaten it all, apparently, but I think it gave her tummy ache. Am I being over-protective? Is this just part of the nursery experience? This is a privately run nursery which has a good reputation where I live. I'm seriously thinking about giving up work as a result...

OP posts:

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Normsnockers · 12/05/2006 11:01

As a nursery user with ds I do think it sounds a bit substandard and shouldn't be ignored.

Wouldn't a jar of baby food have been more appropriate than a crumpet ?

Would not like to think that ds was left to cry at 9 months and never saw any evidence of this, often nursery staff were there with two little ones sharing their lap and a third little one once bouncing away in front in a bouncy chair whilst the story was being read.

It may just be down to the staff personalities I'm afraid and if so you may want to look at another nursery or even a childminder.

I know what you mean about burbling away like an inexperienced new trainee but then getting to the office and gathering up the reins and cracking the whip. I happened to mention to one of the staff at nursery that I hadn't personally collected all of the large bundle of Sainsburys vouchers I handed over for the nursery to exchange for play equipment, my p.a./secretary had organised a collection point and then passed them on to me, so I'd pass on their thanks to her. God only knows whether they believed me or not.

Normsnockers · 12/05/2006 11:10

Plus we don't label any clothes and have never lost anything in 3 years except a bottle teat in the early days.

We don't however buy particularly expensive clothes as the activities at nursery seem to be very messy which ds loves but is hard on the washing machine despite the plastic aprons etc the kids all wear.

Ds quite often insists on taking things in with him like a book or a toy and I've always told staff that if I let him bring it in I'm perfectly prepared for damage/loss as I'd rather they spent their time looking after the children than the toys. I hope I have a reputation for being laid back but still very much liking to know if ds is O.K. (as they put up with me phoning to see if he's settled O.K if he was clingy when I dropped him off in the morning without sounding at all like its inconvenient).

frumpygrumpy · 12/05/2006 13:07

Good for you cakehead, I looked at 5 before I walked into one and thought "ah, this feels nice". I liked that the girls ALL said hi to me and dd from the ones we passed on the stairs to the ones in the room she'd be in. I listened as soon as I walked in to hear what was going on. Listened if an older child was being told off and listened to whether I liked the way it was being handled. Was there singing or messy activites being done? My mum worked ina nursery and it was swful. The girls didn't want to do water, sand or painting because of the mess. My mum sorted that out and a mess was made!!!!

She's your most prized thing in life so I'm pleased you are going with instinct and looking around.

I always chat to the girls about their weekends or what they're doing that night so I can make friends with them. I think if they like me they'll take good care of my babes.

Don't feel you can't speak up (in a nice way). My mum got all sorts from the mums - when they wanted them to sleep, when they were NOT to sleep, whether they wanted their shoes left off for part of the day etc. When my DTs were really little I left a little friendly note with them to say whether they'd had a broken night, if they'd not eaten a big breakfast etc - I MADE them think about what potentially could be wrong if they were upset later. I always wished them a happy day at the end so I felt less bossy!! As long as its done with a smile......

Let us know how you get on today.

Original poster

Cakehead · 12/05/2006 13:43

We had a really interesting morning. For a start we didn't put LO in nursery. But DH did go in and tell the carers what we felt was/wasn't acceptable in the future (I'm slightly wincing as I type, as he doesn't pull any punches...) Then we went to see the nursery I'd originally ruled as they shut for the summer. It was beautiful. A lovely environment, all the kids were out in the garden under shades, lots of colourful work on the walls, etc. But the interesting thing was that one little girl wasn't feeling well and she was being allowed to sit on a carer's knee in a little cottage in the garden on her own. She was there for a whole hour and a half while we were there, as the staff said she was feeling a bit off-colour and just wanted to be away from the other children and to have a cuddle. The fact that they had time and staff to do that was a real eye-opener. We'll have to find a way to cover the summer hols between us, but we're determined to find a way. DH has own business so can scale back for August.And they also made lots of fuss of our LO. The staff are much older than the place we're currently using - they're all 40s plus, I think - and most are mothers. That's why they shut for the summer too, in part. It just felt a totally different atmostphere. I came out secretly determined that we'd send her there, but played a bit hesitant to DH. He's spent the morning talking me round, and now thinks the whole thing was his idea anyway, which is great! Thanks for all the help, though. I do appreciate it.

OP posts:

bluejelly · 12/05/2006 14:05

Cakehead that sounds like a great nursery, fantastic news

arfishymeau · 12/05/2006 14:10

Cakehead brilliant! I'm so pleased.

It's so difficult dealing with nurseries but you've absolutely done the right thing. You will benefit the other children at your old nursery if you make it very clear why you are moving your DD too.

Marina · 12/05/2006 14:15

Ds was at a different nursery to dd, and it closed for the summer and for more than just bank holidays over Christmas and Easter. Believe me, you will find a way to cover. And it will be so worth it. Ds' nursery was at a university which has had to make cutbacks and now it doesn't have any community places :( But it was very like your experiences this morning.
Fabulous news cakehead although I think allowing dh to think it was all his idea is going beyond the call of duty :)

ProfYaffle · 12/05/2006 14:19

Brilliant Cakehead, I felt exactly like that when we visited dd's nursery. Even now, every time I pull up onto the car park, I thank my lucky stars we were able to find such a great place for her. (It's set on a farm, beautiful location)

Good luck, you're doing the right thing.

welshmum · 12/05/2006 14:21

That sounds great cakehead....hope you manage to take the whole of August off to go on a big family holiday

TwoToTango · 12/05/2006 14:41

thats great news. Must be a huge weight off your mind.

redlisa · 12/05/2006 14:52

I am a Nursery Manager, Makes me so mad that nurseries are still offering such poor care. Often read the ofsted website (nosey and like reading other nurseries reports!)horrified just found one with 7 complaints listed over a year, all relating to same thing. they got a 'good' grade and remain open! No wonder parents have bad experiences. You did exactly the right thing, always, always trust your gut instinct. hope all goes well for you.

champs · 12/05/2006 16:37

great result cakehead!! :)

beety · 12/05/2006 16:47

fantastic. Perhaps you could find someone to help you out part time. Ask one of the mums at the nursery, they might even offer to do it?

frumpygrumpy · 12/05/2006 17:38

This is just fantastic! I'm so pleased for your dd and you all. Wonderful! What a result. I wish all nurseries were so lovely. It sounds perfect. Well done, and esp for letting DH have the brownie points!! Like Marina said, that was above and beyond.....

frumpygrumpy · 12/05/2006 17:38

great idea Beety btw.

Original poster

Cakehead · 13/05/2006 13:26

We've sat down and looked at the term times and I think we can manage with a bit of a stretch. Plus one of the nursery teachers actually has some of the children at times over the summer, but we warned by the head that she's very popular and gets very booked up. I'm now trying to see how quickly we can get LO out of her current nursery. There isn't a place for her at the new until September and I don't really like the thought of leaving her in there until then, although we have a few weeks off booked over the summer. Might approach boss on Monday about taking August as unpaid leave and staying at home. How great would that be? Just can't bare the thought of putting her in there now. Still, DH has had words, so maybe things might be a bit better for the next couple of months.

OP posts:

frumpygrumpy · 13/05/2006 15:11

I'm pleased this looks like it might work out. Anyway you could hurt your leg enough not to work but not so much it hurts

frumpygrumpy · 13/05/2006 15:11

(I mean "is there any way" not "anyway")

lovelyneve · 13/05/2006 17:21

as a nursery nurse i would never put my daughter in a baby room. staff do not have time to give babies what they need and yes they do get left to cry.

TwoToTango · 13/05/2006 18:20

considering the comment made by lovelyneve I would definately find a way to be able to take the time off until a place comes up. If there is even the slightest bit of doubt in your mind that she won't be happy (and it sounds like there is) that means you won't be happy and if you went to work you probably wouldn't do your job as well as normal.

HappyMumof2 · 14/05/2006 11:10

I agree with lovelyneve. I'm also a nursery nurse and due to what I have seen would never put a young child into nursery.

I would move her Cakehead, as soon as you can. There are always carers available for temporary work, especially as it's coming up to the summer holidays. You may find a mum who could help you out or lots of childminders take on temporary children too.

Whereabouts do you live? If you are near London you can try Simply Childcare, or put an advert on here under nanny shares and see if any of the cms on here can help you out until September.

Good Luck with it, you are making the right decision

ssd · 14/05/2006 21:09

Agree with happymum and lovelyneve. I'm a nursery nurse too and wouldn't use the baby room.

And what's wrong with a baby crying cos she wants a bit of attention? Pick her up and cuddle her, at that age to me lots of love and cuddles is the norm, not ignoring her. and TBH if the nursery behaved this way when you were due in for collection time, what are they like when no mums are around?? I'd try to move baby pretty quick, don't want to be alarmist but find someone/somewhere where she can get extra cuddles if she wants them that day.

bluejelly · 15/05/2006 09:35

Very interesting to hear all these nursery worker's views on baby rooms

Original poster

Cakehead · 15/05/2006 12:29

August is covered now, so she can finish going there at the end of July. I'm working on finding a way out of the next two months. She's only going three days a week at the moment - and they're short days, six hours - but it still felt dreadful dropping her off today, particularly as she started to cry at the handover. I've got two weeks holiday coming up, so now I need to find a way to cover six weeks or so. I've been doing the math in my head - six weeks is eighteen days, blah blah. Also putting pressure on DH to take some time off. We have the day off tomorrow and are having an hour's playtime at her new nursery to start the settling in period. They shut for the summer, so we really need to try to get along there as often as possible. It just seems so nice by comparison.

I had misgivings about this nursery when I first began settling her there in March and lots of people (particularly DH's family - surprise) told me it was just because I wasn't used to handing her over to people. Now I wish I'd listen to my instincts instead. It's certainly taught me a lesson. I just wish it hadn't been at DD's expense.

OP posts:

mcnoodle · 15/05/2006 12:59

Would like your thoughts on my 11mo ds's nursery whilst nursery nurses etc are around.

Am also pathetic when it comes to asserting myself with nursery.

I don't think he gets enough sleep there - he can be tricky to settle, requires persistence! Think they leave it until he's too shattered to resist, but some days only gets 50 mins. I hate him being so exhausted.

Also found them giving him the crappest excuse for a fromage frais at teatime last week, full of sugar - they are supposed to only give organic/fresh food. Really unhappy about this as I have gone to great lengths to feed him properly.

Overheard manager lying to a mum on the phone saying her daughter was 'upstairs playing' when in reality she was crying and very unsettled.

It's my first baby, I adore him and don't want him to be in nursery at all, so is the above ok or am I just looking for reasons to take him out.

Hope you're all still around!!

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