DD to start nursery 5 days a week

[operababe]

Going back to work on 6 Dec - have found a nursery but will have to leave DD there 5 days a week from 8am to 7pm. She is 6 months. Have asked employer to do a 4 day week (having 1 full day or 2 1/2 days off) and they have said no. Normal hours are 10 til 6 and they have agreed for me to do 9.30 til 5.30 which gives me just enough time to travel home to pick DD up by 7pm. Already going to have to pay extra to keep her there until 7pm. BUT I am desperate at the thought of her being there for so long. Are there any other Mums out there who have to do this?? It makes me cry each time I think about it. Nursery advises a 3 week settling in period so we're going to start on 14 Nov. I have to go back to work for financial reasons but if I want to keep my job (which I love) I have to do those hours full time. It's getting so close and I'm just at my wits end. Will it be detrimental to her?

why have your employers said no to your request for part-time working? You have a right to request flexible working, and your employer has to give a good reason for turning you down. I was in a similar position 2 years ago when I returned to work part-time. The tiger website gives a good guide to your rights.
here

The only concern I had with putting ds into nursery for a long day is that he wouldn't have enough time to 'wind down' before bed. Which at 6mo isn't really an issue as they don't get up to much - but now at 18mo - he is knackered at 12.30 when I pick him up from running around all morning and I felt that he would be too stimulated if he was there till 5ish.
Could you afford a childminder/friend/parent to pick her up earlier in the afternoon for you?
My friend put her little boy in 5 days a week 8-6 from an early age and he has turned out a lovley little boy.

Agree with Gingerbear, legally they can't just say no. They have to have a really, really good reason - one that would stand up in court.
The Equal Opportunities Commission and the TUC have fabulous websites and will give you support.
You sound so unhappy that I think this is worth following up.
try here TUC site

Thx - they say it's because I'm an Exec PA my boss needs me full time and while someone could cover in an emergency there is no-one to cover on a regular basis. I work in a theatre hence the later working hours.
TracyK - afraid both sets of grandparents live 250 miles away and my friends all work full time too.
It means I will pick her up at 7pm and try to put her to bed immediately. I can't see it will work but what can I do??

Definitely try and fight it. It sounds so hard on both of you.

This would make me really unhappy. Is there any way they'd offer your job as a jobshare?

what about your dh/dp - if you have one? can he cut down hours or rearrange his schedule to lessen the childcare hours.

i do know children who've been in full time long hours childcare and they do seem to be ok with it. they get used to it. but like the others who've posted i would try really hard not to have to do it for my own child.

I will look at those sites thx. I just don't know what would be considered reasonable in the circumstances. I love my job and get on very well with my boss but this is really souring it all. I don't know if they would agree to a job share - I will ask them. My main concern though is DD - I'd resign from the job if I could afford to. She's a gorgeous happy baby and I have visions of her turning in to a introverted unhappy girl.

Would you look for a new job?

My DH is a manager in a theatre too - he will pick her up earlier when he can but things tend to go pear shaped close to curtain up and he just wouldn't be able to get away early on a regular basis.

What happens when you go on sick-leave? Is the person doing your job now willing to job-share? It annoys me that being 'indispensible' to a boss is given as grounds for forcing you to return to work in this way.

Hunkermunker - yes I am thinking of that too - something nearer to home BUT it makes me mad that they are being so immoveable (sp?!) about it.

Gingerbear - my job was advertised as a fixed term maternity cover. I get the feeling she will want to leave as she needs full time work. I will ask her though, you never know.

Message withdrawn

If they agree that a job share is possible (and I don't see how they can't, legally, tbh) then THEY are responsible for finding your jobshare partner, not you.

I personally think 5 days a week 8am - 7pm at a nursery is just too much for a young baby. My ds1 has just started Reception and is absolutely exhaused by 3pm. We only just manage to fit everything in and be ready for be by 7-7.30pm.

Is there any way you could change jobs, maybe look for a local part time job or more flexible full time job. If you are an Exec PA there should be other jobs around you could do with shorter hours?

Operababe - please do not worry too much. I speak from experience here as the mother of a 2 year old who has been in a nursery 8-6 five days a week since she was 6 months old. At the very same nursery there are quite a number of children who also do the same hours for 4 or 5 days a week - some of which I know quite wekk and in fact have also got to know their parents quite well too. All the children appear to be very level headed, sociable, confident yet sensitive to others needs.

It's easy for any of us to make generalisations here about what may or not be right for each others children, but for me, the key thing is knowing what you think your child will be comfortable with and knowing what you will be comfortable with..and then just forget what anyone else thinks as all of us can only really speak from the position of our own experiences (good or bad) and we do not know you, your child or the place you have chosen for day care. Ultimately, you are like me, you have to work for financial reasons, have family miles away and therefore have limited options available too you....and here starts the guilt trip!!

Now from my own personal experience, if you find a nursery that you are happy with, then I do not believe it will make your child more introvert - quite the opposite in fact. I also do not believe they will over stimulate your child - most nurseries have wind down time at the end of the day. I also think that in some cases a nanny or childminder might suit the siutation better, however unless a childminder only takes one child, they cannot offer one-to-one care either..and for me, I felt uncomfortable that there was a single person looking after my dd without any other oversight...but that was my choice.

All types of childcare has pros and cons....and no-one else can make the choice of what to do other than you. Let's face it, it's going to be hard to leave your dd irrespective of who is looking after her as she has been your world for the last 6 months....so please don;t make it harder on yourself....and please don;t worry about nursery. Many other parents have to do this too....

that was a lovely post handbag addiction.

Sorry rambled a bit there on my first post BUT also wanted to respond to Stripey...I think that you cannot compare 'Reception' to a nursery situation when a baby is 6 months old. I agree that after after reception your DS1 probably is exhausted - the day is full of learning activities but please remember that a 6 months - a baby room in a decent nursery will have a separate area to accomodate up to 3 sleeps a day for each child (our place even had it's own permanently darkened sleep room) and the activities on offer are very age dependent.

You are right that they are not really comparable. I just think it is sad for a baby to spend the majority of its young life in a nursery when possibly (of course I do not know the facts) there may be a way of reducing the hours. I don't think any mother would be truely happy to have their child in nursery almost all of every day. They really do grow up so quickly.

Take your point Stripey but the thing to remember that whilst most mothers may not be truley happy about having to do this, many like Operababe and myself really have no choice.

My point being - if Operababe really cannot do anything to reduce her hours (and it looks as though she has already tried) then I don't think we should be trying to make her feel wrose about a situation that clearly she already doesn't feel 100% about - she has come on her asking for some reassurance about the long hours in nursery and I believe that if some of us - like myself- have positive stories to provide, then that's what we should be trying to do.

fair enough I really wasn't trying to make her feel any worse. I think I'll finish with this thread now.

sigh< at Stripey.

Operababe - That sounds so incredibly difficult for you all. Fight your Employers all the way, even to allow you to leave earlier in the evening! You've been given fab advice here, good luck.

And don't take any notice of those more intent on laying on a guilt trip than offering a way out of the situation.

Operababe, I was in a very similar situation to you not so long ago. I went back to work when DS was 6 months old and wanted to work 4 days a week. My employer wouldnt allow it so I have had to work 5 days a week since March this year. I have kept on plugging away at my employer to let me go part time and finally they have agreed to let me drop down to 4 days in the new year. DS has been absolutely fine in Nursery and has made loads of friends, he still gets excited when ever we go through the gate. Now he's 14 months old though I'm glad that I will see more of him as I feel I want more input in his development. So if you have to go back 5 days dont give up, keep trying for your time off and they might reward your commitment in the end. If they dont you can always look for another job.

Sorry, had to go out with DD and have just got back to read all your postings. Thank you for your honesty. I do think the day is just going to be too long but as Handbagaddiction says I don't have the choice at the moment. I am going to fight them to try and get my finish time earlier but at the moment I'm going to have to try it and see. I had always felt I would prefer DD to be in a nursery rather than with a CM (no way we can afford a Nanny - looked in to a nanny share as well and that was too expensive) as I felt that a nursery is more accountable. She'll be in a "Teddies" nursery and the baby room is quite separate with another separate room for sleeps. I can only give it a try and if I feel she is unhappy then I will leave my job. Thank you again for your support.