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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Is this how all nurseries are?

31 replies

Babymay · 08/04/2011 23:58

Hi, just wondering if this is the usual way in all nurseries.

My DD is 11 months old and starts nursery in a few weeks. (Toddler room, age 1-2)
We are doing a few weeks of settling in as she is generally a clingy baby. So this week, we've been going every day for a couple of hours. I've always been in the room but will leave her to play untill she cries. The problem is that the staff dont seem to be that intentive to her when she cries. Rather than trying to engage her in some activity, they just sit there and watch her and give up too quickly.

I've been in the room all week and have noted that there is no form of structered activity either. The toddlers literally have free play all day. There are activities laid out for them, but the keyworkers tend to be in a hurry and try and whizz them through the activity as quick as they can just to get it done which doesn't really benefit the toddlers as they've barely had any time to even figure out what they are doing.

Even the way thay talk to the toddlers I find quite brash. There are hardly any cuddles and quite a few babies walk around for hours at a time crying. None of the workers bat an eyelid.

Is this like it is everywhere? Am I expecting too much?

They dont help feeding at all either. If they eat, they eat, if they dont oh well.
I knew it was going to be hard, but I cant help feeling that there should be a little more genuine care for the babies, not like just a job to them. My DD loves nursery rhymes but not once have I seen any been sung or stories read to them.

Am I expecting too much from them and my DD? Really need advice as feel may change to a child minder. Dont know what to do.

OP posts:

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TheVisitor · 09/04/2011 00:01

Try a different nursery. This isn't standard and I think you ought to let the nursery manager know about how poorly the room is being run.

NormaDesmond · 09/04/2011 00:05

Wrong,wrong,wrong..... Your instincts are right. It's good that you have a settling in period but as a former nursery nurse I would never have seen or tolerated an indifference to a child. They should make more of an effort... Did you look at a few nurseries?

llareggub · 09/04/2011 00:08

My CM used to take my DS to toddler groups, the supermarket, bake, garden, in fact all th things that I would do at home. My friends chose a nursery for the convenience and the security of there being other people around. Ultimately, you need to trust your gut instinct and find somewhere you'll be happy with. My friends were very happy with th nurseries they used, and I was happy with our CM. One form of childcare isn't any better than the other, just find the one that works for you.

Original poster

Babymay · 09/04/2011 00:14

Yes we did look at a few nurseries and this one did seem the best. It seemed to tick all the boxes.

OP posts:

TragicallyHip · 09/04/2011 00:17

Doesn't sound right to me. If you are not happy then find somewhere else!

stressheaderic · 09/04/2011 00:22

I struggled at first with quite how 'clinical' nursery was, with its uniformed staff, fixed routines and policies and procedures. And maybe this is me being a bit PFB, but i didn't think they seemed 'loving' enough. But dd has been going for 3 months now (she is 14mo) and absolutely loves it.

lindsell · 09/04/2011 00:33

My ds' nursery is certainly not like that. One of the main reasons I choose it was because the staff were v loving and caring to the babies and really seemed interested in them. In the early months (he started at 11.5mo) he would always come home smelling of his keyworker's perfume as he'd clearly had loads of cuddles. They do loads of structured activites, nursery rhymes every day, storytime every day, loads of time outside as well. Ds has just moved up to the 2-3 yr room and all the staff have been lovely (and genuine) about how much they'll miss him.

If I were you I'd look for an alternative as what you describe doesn't sound right.

Original poster

Babymay · 09/04/2011 07:05

Thank you all so much. Lindsell when you say structered activities such as nursery rhymes and stories, do you mean as a group or individual one to one? I've been saying to my DH that if they did do it as a group they would engage all the toddlers at the same time.

My DD is quite clingy and so needs alot of activity to engage her if she is going to be settled there which I feel is not happening.

I have been scared of questioning them in fear of upsetting them but I will next week. I genuinely do not want to make a fuss but this is my DD in question. I think I will need to look at other options too.

OP posts:

candleshoe · 09/04/2011 07:12

My DTSs were at a mainstream nursery like this for 3 years but for my DD (when I was older and wiser by 2 years) I moved her to a 'human scale' nursery (a bit like Rudolph Steiner type ideas) which specialised in very high staff to child ratio and good personal relationships. They also specialised in autistic scale children and although I was worried about this in the beginning I think all the activities and highly qualified staff (no teenagers!) worked in my DDs favour.

candleshoe · 09/04/2011 07:13

www.hse.org.uk/

Info on Human Scale Education - they may help you to find a nursery with a more personal approach.

candleshoe · 09/04/2011 07:18

Actually now I look for it my DDs nursery isn't listed - I think it followed some of the principles of the Steiner/Montessori ideas but not all - so isn't formally associated. She was at 'The Cornerstone' in Stonehouse Gloucestershire.

P.S. The nursery was slightly cheaper than the standard mainstream one too.

CrispyTheCrisp · 09/04/2011 07:22

Is there no way you can find a cm if she needs lots of comfort? I would struggle to have put either of my 1 yr olds in a nursery setting as I feel they are too clinical as another poster said. However I have friends who use a nursery and they love it too. I do think you need to work out what is best and feels right for your family and don't feel afraid to challenge. Go with your instincts on this one - it doesn't sound great tbh

Pancakeflipper · 09/04/2011 07:24

It's not like our nursery.
Activity wise at that age the carers do activities in the day. If it's a craft activity they take a few at a time to the craft area so they can assist each child. But they do not force a child to participate. If the child is disinterested then they don't force the issue.

Our nursery has a 'timetable' on the wall for the day. It shows craft/ music time etc... Though they it is flexible - in the nice weather they do more outdoor things. They have an alloted storytime each day but if a little one wants a book in free-play then the carer will read it.

I think what upsets me most about this post is the children crying and no hugs. The one thing I love about our nursery is the fact they carers hug and care for the children. In the age group you refer to - it's rare to see a carer without a child attached to their arms for whatever reasons. My son is now 2 and he happily hugs the staff and tells me how much he loves them. We are lucky to have a small nursery so all staff know each child.

I think I would have another look at nurseries - you now know what you want from a nursery from this experience or a perhaps a childminder?

candleshoe · 09/04/2011 07:26

At my DDs 'human scale' nursery there were never more than 10 in a room with 2 staff, and usually it was six kids with one member of staff - the care was really personal and attentive - keep looking for another nursery.

Grumpla · 09/04/2011 07:30

No way. My DS went to a bog standard nursery round the corner from our old house and the staff there were brilliant - hard act to follow in fact!

I rather wimpily said early on "I know you are busy but I really don't like him being left to cry" and they were SHOCKED in fact, they told me they refuse to participate in any kind of Gina ford / cc stuff. Lots and lots of cuddles, they were very engaged with his food ishoos and made sure that as he refused to eat lunch (delicious hot meals btw) he always had one-to-one at snack and tea to make sure he made up for it with fruit, bread etc.

There were not 'structured' activities all day but they sort of rotated things round so one member of staff at sand table, another doing drawing etc, plus kids could help themselves to other toys. Every now and then they would all do something together (painting, messy play, gardening) etc.

If you're not happy, then talk to the staff. If you're still not happy, look for somewhere else.

TiggyD · 09/04/2011 09:37

It sounds a horrible place.

I'm sorry to say that not all staff like their job. I'm even sorrier to say that not all staff seem to like children.

Fiendarina · 09/04/2011 09:48

I was really shocked when you said that children walk around for hours crying. Both my children go to nursery, and have done since they were nearly a year old. I chose the nursery partly because it was the only one with staff members sitting on the floor to play with the children, giving them lots of hugs and attention. I have never seen a child start crying who isn't quickly swept up into someone's arms. There is also a timetable on the wall with varied activities during the day and on different days.
So no, I don't think all nurseries are like the one you describe.
I would definitely look elsewhere, whether a CM or another nursery. Perhaps check what the staff turnover is like, and how much they use agency staff. Longstanding staff members with limited agency staff might be an indication of people who actually like working with children, and like their workplace.

purepurple · 09/04/2011 12:30

Doesn't sound like a good nursery. Can I ask whose idea it was that you stay for so many settling in sessions? Was it yours or the nursery's? I am just wondering as I think maybe the staff may feel as if you are watching and judging them. Or they might just feel uncomfortable with you being there, seeing as you have been there for so long.

Georgimama · 09/04/2011 12:34

That sounds like how the nursery DS was at ended up being by the time he left - it had been a lovely place but for him deteriorated when his key worker left and the manager went on maternity leave; it had all sorts of wonderful facilities (multi sensory room, brilliant play equipment in the garden, gym equipment in the hall) but from his daily diary he had done little from week to week in the end but free play in the room setting. Not good.

I have no doubt that all nurseries are not like that, but another which I liked the look of when I came to withdraw him and look for alternatives was full so I went for a childminder instead. She is a dream (and I know not all CMs are, but she is).

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/04/2011 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrivetDancer · 09/04/2011 12:35

You definitely need to find another nursery, especially if they're like that with you sat in the room! Imagine what it would be like with no parent watching.

Meglet · 09/04/2011 12:35

It doesn't sound that good. The lack of cuddles would be a no-no for me. The staff at the DC's nursery give them loads of kisses and cuddles.

IIRC the staff in the baby room would often do messy play with paint / rice / flour and help the babies get stuck in . I think they do some structed activities then free play for a while.

Ripeberry · 09/04/2011 12:41

Under the age of 2yrs a CM or nanny is best as they get to give more cuddles to babies and young toddlers. Over the age of 2yrs and above it's best to have a busier CM or nursery as they start to interact with the other children.
Only you now your child and if you feel stressed just watching the 'lack of care' imagine how it must feel to be a young child at the receiving end.

(diving for cover!)

griphook · 09/04/2011 23:41

please think about talking to OFSTED about your concerns, as most parents who use the nursery will not reallly get much time to spend in the nursery so will not really know what is happening during the day. The children deserve more, and this situation should be investigated

TheVisitor · 10/04/2011 14:05

Speak to the manager, as I said. It may be that the rest of the nursery is fine, but the toddler room girls need a rocket up their arse.

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