Is it unusual to be happy living with so few possessions?

[Tooolittle]

I`ll just get straight to it.
So met with a friend today for coffee and a chat, she invited me to her home for the first time, she has been to mine loads.
Known each other through work for about a year.

When i got there i was taken back at how little she owned.
Living room 3 chairs a coffee table, and a set of curtains that are 2 different colours, and a fan, the decor was just white walls with one bold color wall.

Kitchen nothing on show just a kettle.
Literally she only owns the basics.
I did say in a nice polite way oh you dont own much, she said why would i want crap everywhere im happier with less, i left it at that.

I mean not even a pitcher on the walls, her floor is wood so she dont own a hoover fair enough.
I used the loo as you would and got a glimps of her bedroom, i mean a huge bed and a small canvas wardrobe thats it.
Her home is empty.

It just mind boggling to me how someone can live with so little comforts, and say they like it.

I know two people who lived the minimalist lifestyle - they were both compulsive gamblers. It was quite a shock seeing the emptiness of their flats.

Is this some kind of security we latch on to?

Mmm. Does this come from a need to show people who I am? In the same way that some people show their personality through clothes, hair and makeup, do others show it through their homes? ‘I am this kind of person, I am the kind of person who likes these quirky pictures and those books’.

I don’t have many visitors to my home these days, I used to but it got too much and I consciously backed away from inviting people. So do I now need to ‘show’ my personality to myself because there is no one to bounce it off?

When I watch decluttering type programmes I marvel at how much tat they all have, endless mugs that no one even seems to like as they’re never used, 27 pairs of identical trousers, broken things that were once useful and could be again but no one knows or cares how to fix them, and so on. Then I look at my home full of travel nik naks and little things I’ve picked up here and there, homemade blankets and pictures people have made for me, and wonder if people think the same about me? I know the history of the crochet blanket and I know the relationship I had and still have with that person and the love, but do other people just see it as tat, something that is so full of holes it won’t actually keep you warm?

I saw something once, a man had packed up everything he owned and moved house. When he arrived there, he only took out what he needed, when he needed it. So for example say he arrived at 6pm, he unpacked his loo roll at 7 to use the loo. But he didn’t unpack his toothbrush and toothpaste until 10pm despite them being in the same box, because he didn’t need his toothbrush and paste until 10pm. He said whatever was still in the boxes a year later (to allow him to get through every season) would all get binned. But then you miss out on beauty, no one ‘needs’ a second hand appliqué wall hanging bought from Oxfam in 2004, but I have one and look at it every day and love it. It’s not useful at all but I couldn’t get rid of it.

@TheBrunswick Op's just curious, it's how people learn.

200% this. I really hate it when people try to curtail people asking questions. I see it so much.

Yes exactly. So perhaps her friend can’t afford anything more. How do you think she’ll feel is she read this thread?

I’d love to have less stuff (clutter in cupboards), but annoyingly my adhd brain seems to love putting things in piles, which then get stuffed in cupboards. I really want to have a big cull of all the crap sometime. I love it when we go on holiday and the holiday cottage’s just have the essentials , it’s relaxing and liberating for that week or two to escape the stuff!

All my appliances, air fryer, toaster, kettle, scales etc are on the work surface. I use them a lot so why keep them hidden away.

If you put batteries in a bag and tape it to your blue bin the council will take them

This is why I love camping/caravanning. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea as it involves being outdoors most of the time, but I love just having the bare essentials to hand. Makes life feel simpler, and that makes me more content. The endless pursuit of ‘stuff’ doesn’t make people very happy from what I can see.

My husband had adhd and autism, and I have a frenchie, it’s far from calm 😆
I just don’t understand what stuff we are supposed to have, or why people keep things they don’t use. I am not being funny, I genuinely don’t get it?

God this would be bliss for me, but DH loves having possessions around him (books, records, pictures). He hates how everything can be streamed now. I try to keep the clutter to a minimum but it's a constant battle.

When my kids are out the house I’m getting rid of every damn thing that’s not essential. Clutter is driving me slowly insane I hate it. Commercialised bullshit gives me the heave, I fully grudge buying crap my kids don’t need but I don’t want them suffering for my repulsion at materialism. Clear home, clear mind.

It depends on how many appliances you have. I don’t have an air fryer, toaster or scales. I do have a kettle that I use daily so I keep it out.

I don't either. The only things on my wall are a few photos of DD and my deceased parents. I have just a kettle and a toaster on my kitchen worktop. I got rid of the microwave years ago as I hardly used it so it was just taking up space. I've managed to live a full and happy life with what I have and the idea of buying something I don't need makes no sense to me.

I would love to live like this and would if I lived on my own. Apart from the no pictures on the walls. Also the no vacuum cleaner is weird, I’ve got three.

Three vacuum cleaners sound weird to me unless you have a huge house!!

Not everyone has loads of appliances nor do they use them everyday? We keep ours out as we have barely any cupboard space as it is, but I'd love for them to live "away" if possible.

Me too!

I've read a lot about the liberating effect of Minimalist living but sadly I love a bargain too much, curiosity impels me into every charity shop, I have enough books to start a private library.

^ This I wish someone could teach me how to get rid of stuff.

I have thousands of books (and films & music) but each one also marks a particularly moment of time in my life. I can pick up a book and as well as its own value, it may be Paris 97 or New York 92... So many object have come from trips abroad, clothes outfits worn on first dates or moments occasions, etc.

She might not feel comfortable saying "I'm skint" or "I had a lot of debt so now I'm stripping back". She also might genuinely be happy and like it. I think it's hard to say unless you know her well enough to really get a picture. You can definitely be happy without stuff, but I do like having things on the walls and lots of stuff to make my kitchen work how I need it to (I'd not be without a coffee machine!) Equally, sometimes all the clutter does annoy me, it all needs maintaining and cleaning and replacing from time to time. I can see the attraction in having less (I don't think I could actually do it though!)

Everyone is different and has different circumstances. Hopefully it doesn't change the way you view her

It's how you're meant to live if you want be happy. It's about finding your happiness in 'being' rather than 'having'. I think it's great if she's happy doing it, rather than skint or whatever.

Possessions tend to own you rather than you owning them, for the most part.

I find a lot of the time the pleasure associated with buying something is in the anticipation of it and once I have it, it very quickly means nothing to me.o

my home is what some people may judge as cluttered, but I take comfort in my stuff, as there was a time when I had very few possessions. However, I love when I’m on holiday in an hotel and just got my basics around me. I feel that I should be pruning my possessions, though, but it’s difficult.

I did say in a nice polite way oh you dont own much

don't kid yourself, there is nothing "nice and polite" about saying that. It sounds hideously judgemental and shallow. I'm cringing on your behalf.

Moving house has made me see how much we have held onto things we should have let go of years ago. We've spent most of today clearing out the garage and it's cathartic. Lots of things we can give away on Gumtree that will be useful for someone who needs it. Probably most of our doubles are when we combined 2 households 10 years ago.

@Frugalgal Quote: Possessions tend to own you rather than you owning them, for the most part.

So true!! “There isn’t a material possession in the world that is important enough to save.”

^^ this