Extreme gender disappointment - need a boost
fateisfate · 25/08/2017 19:36
Hello ladies, I know this is a really sensitive topic with lots of different opinions on it, but I have one DS who is 4 and half years old, his personality is very hyper and boisterous which caused me to have a few years age gap before I was ready for another, I fell pregnant after he turned 3 and my lovely DS2 is now 7 weeks old.
Now the thing is, I've always only ever wanted 2 kids because it's hard being a mum and financiallyl demanding, I'm a full time mum so that pressure is on DH and I would imagine is more manageable with 2 children.
But I always imagined myself to have atleast one daughter in the mix. I don't. I have my 2 healthy children but they are boys, love them and wouldn't change them but after the birth of DS2 I have found myself uncontrollably low about not getting that girl, I have shared this with DH who says I should be grateful for 2 healthy children but he knows I've had a life long yearning for a girl so completely understands.
I would like to get over these feelings. I can't imagine having 3 children, it must be hard even though I contemplate a chance the 3rd could be a girl.
Any advice to help me feel better even if it's a snap into reality kind of advice, I need it!!
ofudginghell · 25/08/2017 19:44
Without sounding too harsh op because we all have our moments but you want a snap back to reality??
Be grateful and absolutely cherish the dc you have. Some/a lot of people can't have any at all and don't meet the grade for adoption or ivf either.
Remember they are all a blessing and not an entitled guarantee.
Head out of ass op and try a different thought process. That should help you get over having two awesome maybe a little boisterous but healthy boys
gluteustothemaximus · 25/08/2017 19:53
My friend felt like this. She went onto have a third. It was a boy.
There are no guarantees is all. It's understandable to feel sad at not having a girl. But don't let it take over.
Enjoy your two lovely boys 😀
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/08/2017 20:06
Isn't gender down to identity? Therefore you might have a female yet. Wait and see.
ToothTrauma · 25/08/2017 20:09
Think about not being able to have any children at all and see if that opens your gratitude valve at all.
IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 25/08/2017 20:09
Honestly- there are so many people on here have had losses and infertility please count your blessings carefully
Bobbiepin · 25/08/2017 20:13
OP I understand what you are saying but tbh If I were you I would be asking MNHQ to take this down pronto. There are so many people who use this site who would give everything and more to have one child, forget two healthy children. You will get a lot of stick for this and unless you are thick skinned enough to take that, get the post removed.
In reality, you have two options, keep having children until you have a girl or put up & shut up.
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 25/08/2017 20:16
Your ds2 could have any personality. I don't know why anyone is assuming he will be boisterous because he's a boy. There are quiet, fashion obsessed, gentle boys as much as there are noisy messy girls.
I bet your ds2 is gorgeous
demirose87 · 25/08/2017 20:21
As soon as you have your boy, you won't want to change him for the world. And who knows what the future holds, you may go on to have a third.
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 25/08/2017 20:22
I have shared this with DH who says I should be grateful for 2 healthy children
Yes, you really should. Don't have a third, if it is a boy the disappointment will be obvious. You really need to take your DHs advice.
Lofari · 25/08/2017 20:22
You could have another....it could also be a boy. Then what??
quarterpast · 25/08/2017 20:24
What if you had a third and it was a girl, but she was a total tomboy and refused to be put in silly dresses/hated shopping/preferred her friends to you? There are absolutely no guarantees when you have kids, be bloody grateful that you have been blessed with two beautiful boys.
Crumbs1 · 25/08/2017 20:25
I have a friend who had four boys before her daughter and another with five boys before she finally got the coveted daughter. Cherish what you have.
Passthecake30 · 25/08/2017 20:26
boys are not necessarily boisterous and into everything, I have a sensitive one who isn't into football at all.
You have probably posted a thought that is in people's mind, but not verbalised due to people's reactions. I guess you know you need to keep it to yourself in real life, it would be awful for your ds2 to know how you feel, and hopefully you can come to terms with your blessings.
PuckeredAhole · 25/08/2017 20:27
Oh shut up you horrible people. She is allowed to feel this was if she wants. This is her life, her reality. Just because other people have issues doesn't mean she has to put up and shut up. How ridiculous.
I have 2 daughters. I'd rather have 2 dds than 2 boys. Don't know why, it's just the way I feel and that's allowed.
When I knew I was having dd2. I had 10 minutes of thinking that I will never have a son and luckily it passed. It's a natural feeling.
Bue · 25/08/2017 20:30
I find the attitude ridiculous that because some people have bigger problems, the OP is not allowed to experience gender disappointment.
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/08/2017 20:32
There's a 50/50 chance. Don't have a baby if you're going to be upset at the outcome. It's not rocket science. In the meantime, with that feeling, one of her kids may be fucked up. Stupid woman.
hellomarshmallow · 25/08/2017 20:33
Your feekings are completely acceptable and not uncommon! Give it some time. Your hormones are all over the place still, and you're probably knackered. Give yourself space to feel this way, and acknowledge that you feelings may change with time.
SnowiestMountain · 25/08/2017 20:39
I have one of each, I understand that I'm very lucky, but let me tell you this which is a 100% true, girls are not better, different, yes, better, no!
Grumpbum · 25/08/2017 20:42
This stuff passed me by, I wanted children, I have 2. They're boys totally irrelevant they're my children and totally awesome
demirose87 · 25/08/2017 20:45
I'll have two of each after I give birth to my second DC next month and I feel very lucky but I don't think I would feel any less lucky if I had just boys or just girls. I think we have what we are meant to have.
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