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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Hyper verbal ADHD or autism in the workplace

30 replies

whatisforteamum · 29/07/2025 17:17

My team want me to talk less.Bit hurtful but no real surprise.
I'm not on medication yet.How do I manage to speak less when many others chat away and when I start I can't stop as my brain just goes from topic to topic.
When I'm in my shell people think I'm moody or standoffish.
What do you do in the workplace.

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whatisforteamum · 29/07/2025 17:59

Anyone had this experience.

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SplashAndTurn · 29/07/2025 21:09

Is it the same for both 1.1 and group situations?

For groups situations I find it helpful to have a plan beforehand of the format and what my contribution is, any key objectives. Bullet points.

whatisforteamum · 29/07/2025 22:11

I mean in a general group of colleagues just interacting.

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SplashAndTurn · 29/07/2025 22:47

If it's not in a meeting setting, they don't sound very nice colleagues for saying that.

whatisforteamum · 29/07/2025 23:00

No.Well in one way a couple are v quiet and the others like to talk alot.
I'm adjusting my hours.I don't mind trying to be less annoying.

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whatisforteamum · 03/08/2025 16:52

So my work hours have been shuffled to give my colleagues time without me.
Side effects being hopefully good that they can have peace and I can be accepted better.

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Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/08/2025 20:13

Are your employers aware of your ND? Doesn't have to be diagnosed.

When I was in the office I requested to wear headphones for non-meeting tasks because I needed the mental stimulation of something otherwise I would seek it elsewhere. Podcasts or music really helped keep my colleagues sane, and kept me regulated.

Hyperverbal episodes happen for many reasons, being underestimated, overstimulated, deficits in social understanding due to autism, and as a fawn response.

Your employer should absolutely allow you to wear headphones and listen to some music or a podcast as a reasonable adjustment if you can explain why it is reasonable and how it will benefit both you and the business.

You may even be able to get access to work funding for soundproof headphones with spacial audio and a GDPR compliant playing device if you have strict GDPR standards

whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 06:25

Thank you.i can't wear headphones due to safety as I need to be aware of others moving speaking etc.
I am finding it shameful though that this has happened in two places now.
Especially when this place was ok for over a year.
Yes they are aware which is why we had a meeting and I was asked to speak less.Everyone else speaks alot though.😓

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Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/08/2025 12:21

Perhaps it's time to find a place of work that works with your strengths and doesn't make out that you're problematic and something to be fixed.

It's important your needs are met.

That means your social and your sensory needs too.

It sounds like your employer doesn't really understand neurodivergence.

You could ask your employer if they'd be willing to undergo some ND training, there's a not for profit organisation called Neurodivergence in Business that cater to small and large companies and can help employers tailor their working practices to neurodivergence.

whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 14:10

Jimmyneutronsforehead I agree.
My last work place was even worse with my colleagues gossiping and ostracizing me.That is how I looked up neuro diverse bits and realised I had ADHD with autistic traits.
Previously I had no real issues as I guess lots of the staff were neurodiverse.
My current place is lovely however I cannot expect them to know all about ADHD and have shared documents I was sent.
I think they are potentially trying to be careful around others who need peace and quiet which I respect.
I need a vibrant atmosphere and too be seen as someone who has lots of energy not just someone who info dumps and bangs in about work which was my hobby.😁

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whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 14:11

I am going to ask the company director if any training would be useful for the staff though.

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Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/08/2025 18:54

What do you do for work and what are your primary responsibilities? Maybe we can work out some adjustments to put forward for them so you aren't penalised by having to reduce your hours and so your colleagues can appreciate your contributions more.

Fwiw I think being able to be outspoken is a huge strength that is appropriate for the workplace, but they have to give you the right opportunities to display that strength otherwise they will get the wrong impression.

whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 19:53

I am a chef.Great job for me as it was my hobby.
Different dishes ideas great with customers as I'm chatty and empathetic due to my own struggles.
Great punctuality sometimes mis judge colleagues or they perceived me as stand offish due to me going to work to actually work 🤣

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whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 19:54

I got on great with men as they were for the most part more direct.
They would always be one person I didn't rub along with.

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Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/08/2025 22:21

whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 19:53

I am a chef.Great job for me as it was my hobby.
Different dishes ideas great with customers as I'm chatty and empathetic due to my own struggles.
Great punctuality sometimes mis judge colleagues or they perceived me as stand offish due to me going to work to actually work 🤣

That's a tough one for sure because it's not one you can just walk away from or take breaks from to get your sensory needs met.

If colleagues struggle to be blunt with you, can your management employ a red light green light system so you know when its ok to talk and when it's time to hold back a bit.

I also like the social battery pins, because people can wear them on themselves and they act as their own red light green lights. Your colleagues might not like that they have an additional burden to remember to change their pins, but it is their responsibility to make sure that if they don't want to talk, they're doing so in a way that is non-combative and this is the perfect solution.

The problem you will have is if people talk amongst themselves but refuse to let you engage. That's workplace bullying, and you'd be best keeping a diary of what has happened, when it has happened, why others were allowed to do things when you have been told not to do it, and basically any examples of when you've been forced out.

Then you should raise a grievance, and remember that you have 3 months less 1 day from the original incident to make an application to an Employment Tribunal, because this could be disability related discrimination, and I would take advice from ACAS asap and explain this is what is happening, you talk a lot as a result of your neurotype, others seem to be allowed to talk, you get told to stop talking, you've asked for some direct communication and visual cues which your employer hasn't implemented, and nobody else is being told they have to follow these rules, just you. Your employer thinks it is instead reasonable to isolate you by reshuffling staff so that they don't have to tolerate you, which is not on by the way.

Whether or not you do take them to tribunal is your choice and it is a while away anyway, and not a choice you have to make right now, but it sounds rather miserable working for an employer that imposes rules on you that just don't seem to apply to others specifically because you have said you have a disability that means you often talk a lot as a way of seeking stimulation.

Personally, if it was me, I'd be trying to find a different job because the culture within a workplace is really hard to change, but I appreciate it's not that simple when the job you are doing is something you're passionate about and you do it well.

The reason this may constitute disability discrimination is hyperverbal communication is neurological and not behavioural, and while you are agreeing to work towards a common goal, they need to put reasonable adjustments in place to facilitate this and if they refuse to, then they're not being a lawful employer.

You are hyperverbal because:

It's how you regulate being under or overstimulated

It helps you process fast moving thoughts, you are not domineering a conversation, you are simply processing what is in your head

It soothes stress and anxiety by providing necessary dopamine

You are seeking connection. Humans are social creatures.

Put it forward to them, explain how it is making you feel, start making a diary of events, both positive and negative as well as meeting notes, remain factual in your notes, and see how it goes from there.

whatisforteamum · 07/08/2025 09:07

Thank you for the advice.Much appreciated.

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Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 09:35

whatisforteamum · 03/08/2025 16:52

So my work hours have been shuffled to give my colleagues time without me.
Side effects being hopefully good that they can have peace and I can be accepted better.

Did you want your work hours
”shuffled”? This sounds serious OP

whatisforteamum · 31/08/2025 10:17

Update.
My colleagues have both stood up for me since this post.
They have realised Hyperactive and hyper verbal go together and realised the amount of work I can do that they now had to do.
The other colleague said she likes my energy and it's her problem if she can't keep up.
We reached a compromise where I start and finish half an hour later.

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Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 17:06

whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 06:25

Thank you.i can't wear headphones due to safety as I need to be aware of others moving speaking etc.
I am finding it shameful though that this has happened in two places now.
Especially when this place was ok for over a year.
Yes they are aware which is why we had a meeting and I was asked to speak less.Everyone else speaks alot though.😓

In two different work places, colleagues have asked management for less time with you around @whatisforteamum ?

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 17:09

whatisforteamum · 06/08/2025 19:53

I am a chef.Great job for me as it was my hobby.
Different dishes ideas great with customers as I'm chatty and empathetic due to my own struggles.
Great punctuality sometimes mis judge colleagues or they perceived me as stand offish due to me going to work to actually work 🤣

I can’t understand how incredibly one hand they have asked management to spend less time with you because you talk too much

versus

you also thinking that they think you’re standoffish because you go to work to work?

whatisforteamum · 01/09/2025 05:02

Some people are at work for the social aspect.
I actually love working for the interest of my job money and company it gives me.
So when I'm in hyper focus and not talking about what happened on love island for instance I'm sure I appear stand offish.
Also everywhere you go there are long termers who are bored and disengaged.
I'm much newer and enthusiastic.

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Laxonaweekend · 01/09/2025 06:09

whatisforteamum · 01/09/2025 05:02

Some people are at work for the social aspect.
I actually love working for the interest of my job money and company it gives me.
So when I'm in hyper focus and not talking about what happened on love island for instance I'm sure I appear stand offish.
Also everywhere you go there are long termers who are bored and disengaged.
I'm much newer and enthusiastic.

So what have you been talking about so excessively in two different work places, that colleagues have asked management not to be around you?

whatisforteamum · 01/09/2025 06:31

Anything and everything.
That is what hyper verbal is.
Partly my issue for being so chatty and partly my colleagues for having ASD traits like DH.

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Laxonaweekend · 01/09/2025 07:45

whatisforteamum · 01/09/2025 06:31

Anything and everything.
That is what hyper verbal is.
Partly my issue for being so chatty and partly my colleagues for having ASD traits like DH.

So it isn’t always you going in to work to work as you say?

whatisforteamum · 01/09/2025 16:54

Everyone talks where I work.
It's customer service not a library.

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