How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

I do have a small family and a few very close friends. I don't often get visitors. I tried to get a support worker to help me with life admin like getting shopping or managing my money, but it's apparently not available in my area, it's only for the elderly who can't even put a microwave meal into the microwave. I rely on family to do a lot for me and they can't always. I don't know if that's true or if I need an advocate to fight for it. Yes I do think that I probably have depression

I say this with kindness OP. I'm certainly not privileged or have had support in life and in a way this has helped me as I don't rely on others for my happiness or mental well-being. There comes a point when you have to just crack on and put one foot in front of the other.

Get out the house and walk. Even if it's just round the block do it. This is something you need to do yourself. All the support in the world won't get you through the front door if your head is saying no.

Gardening is a great thing to get into OP. I love gardening and occasionally do a bit for other people (because it’s something I can get on with on my own), I dog walk too as animals are far easier than people,pet sitting is another thing that would be easy as it involves sitting in a house with dogs/cats and not people.

It is hard, and I do get it. My dd just finds day to day tasks exhausting most days. People forget that everyone with autism is different and there are often other conditions that run alongside ASD. Yes some people can manage to work and juggle life but many can’t.

I’ll be trying st John’s wart and rescue sleep gummies

Ill be trying St John’s wart and sleep gummies

I don’t know why my comments are being hidden , that’s really weird. I was just saying I’ll be trying some sleep medicine from boots and a herbal supplement for depression

I’m on LCWRA but my disability benefit will be reviewed at some point as they think my condition will improve, I don’t think it will.

There have been a lot of spammers on those topics (I know you aren’t) so it’s probably an auto-hide.

You really have no idea about autistic burn out. It’s not a case of a child taking liberties, feeling a bit overwhelmed and opting not to go to school, parents allowing non attendance. For my GCSE aged child (like some other autistic children) it was far, far, far beyond that to the point where school attendance and pressure to attend school caused heightened anxiety, which in turn caused serious safeguarding issues. Think total overwhelm, suicide watch, CAHMS, ED, insomnia and SH. An incredibly frightening time for the whole family and we were deeply fearful of my child ending their life. Despite the odds we tried incredibly hard to facilitate school attendance (with rubbish support from school) but in the end realised we had to put our childs mental health first. This meant recovering at home and taking baby steps forward when ready. Now after a long period of rest, then focusing on interests and strategies, my child has moved out of burnout and reengaged in learning in a smaller, kinder, quieter environment. It’s a sad fact that the school system does not work for a large number of autistic kids. One size doesn’t fit all.

Yes, that's it, everyone has had it better than you OP. Stop wallowing and appreciate the advice you have been given by some nice posters. I stand by my original comment.

I think you'll be better off going to the GP, honestly.

I have autism. Please don’t assume I don’t know about autistic burnout. I am talking about my experience and what worked for me.
I’m a pretty successful human being who dragged myself through some absolutely horrendous times relating to my ASD and health condition.

Agree. Plus, OP has other problems which limit her ability to work and the judgy people are just ignoring that.

Bigoted nonsense.

To all the posters using the logically challenged claim; "If I can do it, so can you." I have one word for you. Bullshit. No, make that three words; total fucking bullshit.

It's a struggle. It's really damn hard, but I literally have no choice. I have a daughter and I'm determined to set a good example for her. I just push through no matter how hard it is, and it's become second nature now. I'm in a job that I thrive in. (Finance, so lots of numbers). I've had 3 burnouts / breakdowns in 7 years. Before I was at my job I had many more. It's bought stability and routine to my life.

Yes it's hard, but I will not allow my adhd, autism, cancer and everything that comes with it, to not let me put my footprint on this earth. You literally have to force yourself. And to those who say it's not possible, it nearly always is possible.

Well basically what this thread has shown is that quite a few people don’t believe the OP has a ‘legitimate’ disability. They think it’s mainly a load of excuse-making to cover for fear and/or laziness.

Sorry to see some of the comments on this thread. The employment rate for autistic folk is crap. And that is not for a want of trying. Many would like to work, but the workplace is NT centred. I also hate the whole trope about autistic people being good with computers. I have been told to "just do a code bootcamp". I can not self study at all, and am useless with tech.

OP, you have been declared not fit to work by the DWP. That is all that matters. I am also unable to work. I might be able to for a bit, but the burnout gets me too, and I will be back on benefits again. Not working is what keeps me well.

@BigMingeEnergy

And to those who say it's not possible, it nearly always is possible.

I repeat; total fucking bullshit. That's your narrow personal experience. It has nothing to do with what anyone else is capable of.

Yep. No empathy and no imagination. Whatever is true for them just has to be true for everyone else. 🙄

With all respect OP you sound exhausting.
You don’t have shame because you don’t want to ever change. If so then that’s fine but just own it, you haven’t ever worked and don’t want to. Just own it! No issues. But people here are spending their evening giving you advice just for you to be rude. Many of the country are disabled and work. I work with someone who’s blind, someone with severe Crohn’s, someone in a wheelchair. It’s not uncommon.
Many people on the autistic spectrum also work. Some don’t, and again that’s fine.
At the end of the day, I suspect you spend a lot of time online in the ‘disabled communities’ and unfortunately a lot of the time these places can be really unhelpful and suck you in to a lifetime of collecting conditions like their football cards.
It would be exceptionally helpful to get out and about and at least try to engage with the outer world, if you’re autistic I’d hazard that you have a ‘special interest’ or two. If so, what are they? Can’t you do something around those?
I genuinely fail to see how you can’t do anything at all. There are people with very severe conditions that literally have no choice but to work.

I ended up in huge debt because I was too "proud" to claim benefits.
Poverty did not suddenly make me able to work.