I made a thread on AIBU and a few people suggested being neurodivergent as a possible explanation. I do have an autistic brother, but he has quite severe difficulties that have been present since he was a toddler.
I'm very quiet and shy. At school I would always stare off into space, but would get told off for it (which I hated) so I would force myself to pretend to listen (usually making eye contact and nodding at the teacher or obsessively taking notes of every word the lecturer/teacher would say to keep my mind focused). I get very bored in lectures, it feels like they're talking too slowly. If I skip them and go through the recordings at home I will listen at 2x speed and even that feels too slow, sometimes I will do 4x speed.
I coped socially at school by always having a loud best friend who I would follow around, this allowed me to always feel like I had a place/sense of belonging. As an adult without that I struggle and feel like I don't belong and that everyone actively dislikes me. I know this is false though as I tend to get messages out of the blue from colleagues/peers saying they're glad they met me/got to work with me/ etc. So I think I just come across as shy but kind. I'm very sensitive to rejection, I had to miss 2 lectures and when I emailed the lecturer the first time they said 'thanks for letting me know, hope you feel better soon', and then the second time they just said 'ok thanks for letting me know' so I think they dislike me and think I'm flakey and skiving.
If someone verbally explains something to me like where something is (e.g. that the key is in the second drawer down in the kitchen) I can't listen to it. I'll hear the first part and go to the kitchen but forget what they said and have to ask again.
I also forget the names of things a lot. I can't remember the name of the girl I sat next to in every lecture last term, I know it begins with an A but can't remember it. At my previous job I couldn't remember the names of my projects, and would have to prepare for meetings by writing very basic notes for myself to refer to in meetings. I come across as very meticulous and organised, but I feel exhausted trying to keep it up. I would avoid going to the office as when working from home I could 'hide' these strategies. I used to work in a lab and had to follow the step-by-step written instructions every time and tick them off - which drove my colleague mad as they thought I was being too cautious - but it's because I didn't trust myself to do it without it as I'd probably forget a step and make a mistake. I'm high achieving with two degrees and I graduated top of my cohort, yet I will forget these basic things.
I can sit still but often find myself doing weird things that others don't do. Like when the Christmas tree was up if I was sat next to it on the sofa I'd constantly be running my hands over the branches, or fiddling with the different ornaments. I'm constantly adjusting my posture and sitting in weird ways, but then become conscious of this in meetings/lectures so force myself to sit still.
Does this sound like inattentive ADHD or autism?